============================================================== Guild: Write Club Channel: Archives-2026-August / 08-04-26-the-galactic-writer ============================================================== [7/31/2026 2:31 PM] starcryst @The Galactic Writer story link please! {Reactions} 🦾 [7/31/2026 2:56 PM] thegalacticwriter https://open.substack.com/pub/lindakcastorauthor/p/the-zacora-mutation-chapter-1-nightmare?r=g6t6q&utm_medium=ios {Embed} https://open.substack.com/pub/lindakcastorauthor/p/the-zacora-mutation-chapter-1-nightmare?r=g6t6q&utm_medium=ios The Zacora Mutation - Chapter 1: Nightmare on Phyllus II CHAPTER 1: Nightmare on Phyllus II https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/external/zQlCJlViKAYCLxTSyXV1V7gRrm1O2ahsHfRagGjZ8eY/https/substackcdn.com/image/fetch/%24s_%21ezb7%21%2Cw_1200%2Ch_675%2Cc_fill%2Cf_jpg%2Cq_auto%3Agood%2Cfl_progressive%3Asteep%2Cg_auto/https%253A%252F%252Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%252Fpublic%252Fimages%252F25c4b54e-1947-4d3f-8ec7-5372308d0f9c_1920x1280.webp {Reactions} 🔥 (2) [8/3/2026 7:29 PM] starcryst @The Galactic Writer here? [8/3/2026 7:30 PM] thegalacticwriter Now I see it. Yay! {Reactions} ❤️ (2) [8/4/2026 5:39 PM] starcryst @everyone join us at 7pm EST here in this channel for tonight's write club author & story. If you want to help spread the word, click on the link below and do the restacky thing. Thank you! https://substack.com/profile/408299644-david-t-etheredge/note/c-308236311 {Embed} https://substack.com/profile/408299644-david-t-etheredge/note/c-308236311 David T Etheredge (@davidtetheredge) Tonight’s Write Club is The Zacora Mutation - Chapter 1, from author @The Galactic Writer. If you’d like to participate and see what Write Club is all about, read the story (link below) and join us at 7pm EST at writeclub.chat. All are welcome! https://lindakcastorauthor.substack.com/p/the-zacora-mutation-chapter-1-nightmare https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/external/ORF6q5M8bHfxLjA7gs7PxqWCe4Qufw1FzVyOehFcU6k/https/substackcdn.com/image/fetch/%24s_%21G1uY%21%2Cf_auto%2Cq_auto%3Agood%2Cfl_progressive%3Asteep/https%253A%252F%252Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%252Fpublic%252Fimages%252Fccf13041-89f3-4c1e-b32f-da080fcb138b_1977x1113.png {Reactions} 🔥 (4) ❤️ [8/4/2026 7:00 PM] starcryst https://klipy.com/gifs/present-mic-rock-on {Embed} https://klipy.com/gifs/present-mic-rock-on Present Mic Rocks Out! https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/external/lZPFluyOp35DljvoSVctKnGZ9HQ6CjvBQxi9CslVtJA/https/static.klipy.com/ii/39f2394ae36df6e199be9eb7c9fa1012/15/46/5XE7XnKU.webp {Reactions} 👍 [8/4/2026 7:00 PM] starcryst Okay @everyone its time for Write Club again! {Reactions} ❤️ 🍄 [8/4/2026 7:00 PM] somedesertrat https://klipy.com/gifs/oh-yes-4 {Embed} https://klipy.com/gifs/oh-yes-4 Minion's Excited 'Woohoo! Yeah!!' https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/external/SQ0M0MBnXZoNT8u-jBVl-qRT5d-vi9XFtSDXcKIRJt0/https/static.klipy.com/ii/d7aec6f6f171607374b2065c836f92f4/72/cc/JHzC7kAQ.webp [8/4/2026 7:00 PM] starcryst I see 26 members online! woo hoo -- {Reactions} 🎉 (2) [8/4/2026 7:00 PM] fictionshroom 👋 [8/4/2026 7:01 PM] starcryst If you are new to Write Club or long time lurker -- this is the chat format! {Attachments} https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/1531789983084712107/1534335447843733564/Write_Club_Chat_Format.png?ex=6ab8f77d&is=6ab7a5fd&hm=982e473236a88d7134c73c57e7ca6186d1a904eb432dab8a39cb0508185f0e8d& [8/4/2026 7:01 PM] vesperlrayne_04128 {Stickers} https://cdn.discordapp.com/stickers/809207198856904764.png {Reactions} ❤️ (3) [8/4/2026 7:02 PM] gmseth Yay GW! {Reactions} 💜 ❤️ [8/4/2026 7:02 PM] starcryst @The Galactic Writer what kind of critique would you like tonight? Summertime Sniffles or Zombie Acopalypse Plague? {Reactions} 🤣 (3) 🟢 [8/4/2026 7:02 PM] thegalacticwriter Zombie apocalypse evisceration! Careful—don’t slip on my entrails! ☣️⚠️☢️ {Reactions} 🔥 (2) 💯 (3) 🤣 (3) 😂 (2) [8/4/2026 7:03 PM] starcryst Nice [8/4/2026 7:03 PM] starcryst Okay given how contagious this story is, everyone should definitely keep those latex surgical gloves on -- wave them in the air when you are ready to go! [8/4/2026 7:03 PM] thegalacticwriter https://klipy.com/gifs/greetings-PSr {Embed} https://klipy.com/gifs/greetings-PSr Greetings: Man Waving Hello https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/external/w6AYzhJvL2awg-_-MSm6i5xCPPS495EI7qIohRJVg-8/https/static.klipy.com/ii/d7aec6f6f171607374b2065c836f92f4/ec/f3/UKQXellq.webp {Reactions} ❤️ [8/4/2026 7:03 PM] fictionshroom 👋 {Reactions} 👍 [8/4/2026 7:03 PM] somedesertrat 👋 {Reactions} 👍 [8/4/2026 7:03 PM] starcryst and don't forget to say DONE when you are [8/4/2026 7:03 PM] gmseth 👋 {Reactions} 👍 [8/4/2026 7:04 PM] t_r3xxx 👋 {Reactions} 👍 [8/4/2026 7:04 PM] starcryst @✨🍄Fiction Shroom🍄✨ GO! [8/4/2026 7:04 PM] lauriemacnorcal_28850 ✋ {Reactions} 👍 [8/4/2026 7:04 PM] erisindex 👋 {Reactions} 👍 [8/4/2026 7:04 PM] fictionshroom I came prepared this time ha {Reactions} ❤️ ❤️‍🔥 [8/4/2026 7:04 PM] _randym 👋 {Reactions} 👍 [8/4/2026 7:04 PM] vesperlrayne_04128 👋 {Reactions} 👍 [8/4/2026 7:04 PM] fictionshroom Fave lines: Afterward, all that remained were the shredded, charred bodies left by the fire that swept through the astronauts’ cabins, enough to show the mutilation had come before the flames, but not enough to say what had caused it either. Dr. Palmer worked the case, and there had been nothing—not even in the ship’s laboratory—to explain what had happened before the explosion. {Reactions} ❤️ (3) ❤️‍🔥 🤮 [8/4/2026 7:04 PM] fictionshroom The horrifying spectacle he and the others witnessed activated his olfactory senses. The memory of a pungent, sickly sweet smell of infected wounds invaded his nostrils, and he attempted to shake off the vision from his first surgical rotation, but it was no use. He saw it in his mind again—the knife releasing a sour hiss of trapped gas that bubbled up buttery-yellow pus from pockets of liquefying muscle. {Reactions} 💯 (3) 👍 (2) 🤮 (3) 🔥 🙏 [8/4/2026 7:05 PM] fictionshroom Immediately giving me Event Horizon and others. I love plagues and madness in space! {Reactions} 🔥 [8/4/2026 7:05 PM] msadventurouspurple 👋 {Reactions} 👍 [8/4/2026 7:05 PM] fictionshroom Fav scene is probably the briefing when he comes in and there's all these other guys and some bigwig {Reactions} ❤️ (2) [8/4/2026 7:05 PM] yamamoto6008 👋 {Reactions} 👍 [8/4/2026 7:07 PM] fictionshroom I enjoyed it! It's creepy and gross and giving that "no don't go investigate, don't bring the survivors back.. your quarantine isn't going to work" dread {Reactions} ❤️ 🙏 💖 [8/4/2026 7:07 PM] fictionshroom DONE [8/4/2026 7:07 PM] starcryst @Carl Price - whose icon is a laboratory experiment of some kind: GO! {Reactions} 😂 [8/4/2026 7:07 PM] thegalacticwriter Thank you—wow! Event Horizon! I appreciate this.🫶 {Reactions} 🔥 (2) [8/4/2026 7:07 PM] somedesertrat General Feedback: A nice pulpy opening that hooked me in. That vibe continued through the meeting with the addition of a 1950s-era B-movie mixed with some good ol' 70s/80s body horror with a dash of actual space horror. Even if it wasn't your intention to create something that resembled pulp sci-fi with some cosmic/body horror, you nailed it. {Reactions} 🔥 (3) 🙏 ❤️ [8/4/2026 7:07 PM] somedesertrat Fave Scene: The opening conversation between Michael Palmer and Jon Lucar. It hits all the necessary markers for something to keep me reading, especially that hallmark line of 'Because you're the best there is'--pure cheesy goodness. {Reactions} 💯 (4) 🙏 👏 (2) [8/4/2026 7:07 PM] somedesertrat Fave Line: "He saw it in his mind again—the knife releasing a sour hiss of trapped gas that bubbled up buttery-yellow pus from pockets of liquefying muscle." I hate to use the phrase visceral because it's so damn over-used these days, but that's the best way to describe it. It threatens to turn my stomach, and I wrote a scene with a dude getting his nuts crushed like cherry tomatoes. {Reactions} 🤮 (2) [8/4/2026 7:08 PM] somedesertrat Constructive Criticism: The alternate spelling of 'com' (re communication devices/comlinks) threw me off. Not sure if that was a stylistic choice or not, but it was at least consistent throughout. The recording playback (between Donola and Anderson), could stand to be broken up with some narrative description. {Reactions} ☝️ 👍 (2) [8/4/2026 7:08 PM] somedesertrat Question: How much of an influence was Event Horizon on this? DONE {Reactions} 💯 [8/4/2026 7:08 PM] starcryst @Seth R. Mitchell the R stands for Retrovirus: GO! {Reactions} 🤣 [8/4/2026 7:08 PM] gmseth I sure hope that's not what it stands for. 🤣 {Reactions} 🤣 (2) [8/4/2026 7:08 PM] fictionshroom Agree! that's not what I wanted to reply to. 🫠 I was agreeing with the awesome cheesiness {Reactions} 💜 (2) [8/4/2026 7:09 PM] thegalacticwriter @Carl Price no event horizon influence. {Reactions} 👍 (4) 💯 (2) ❤️ (3) [8/4/2026 7:09 PM] gmseth @The Galactic Writer I really loved this piece. You are an amazingly talented writer, and I really have to read through the rest. 🙂 {Reactions} ❤️ (2) 💖 (2) [8/4/2026 7:09 PM] gmseth What was the inspiration for this story? [8/4/2026 7:09 PM] thegalacticwriter @Carl Price kom is a melding of several languages {Reactions} 👍 [8/4/2026 7:10 PM] lauriemacnorcal_28850 @The Galactic Writer -- you've drawn a record-breaking crowd! {Reactions} 🎉 👍 [8/4/2026 7:10 PM] thegalacticwriter Alien, Coma, Andromeda Strain {Reactions} 👍 (2) [8/4/2026 7:11 PM] fictionshroom Ooooh Andromeda strain {Reactions} 👍 [8/4/2026 7:11 PM] gmseth I have never seen the second one. But I love Michael Crichton! {Reactions} ❤️‍🔥 (2) [8/4/2026 7:11 PM] starcryst @terence Cell Therapy: GO! {Reactions} 🤣 (3) [8/4/2026 7:11 PM] thegalacticwriter Coma is insanely good. [8/4/2026 7:12 PM] somedesertrat -# umbrella would like to speak with you {Reactions} 🤣 (2) [8/4/2026 7:12 PM] t_r3xxx It has the feel of some classic sci fi horror thrillers I love: The Andromeda Strain, Alien, Event Horizon. Really effective world building from the jump. You do a great job setting up Mars, the ISC, communication systems, etc, without overwhelming the reader. The body horror is great and creepy: tissue destruction and the recovered footage are disturbing and memorable, effectively conveying the threat. {Reactions} 🔥 (2) ❤️ 🙏 [8/4/2026 7:12 PM] fictionshroom I was getting some Chrichton vibes too. What was that one with the nannite disease? [8/4/2026 7:12 PM] gmseth Movie or book? [8/4/2026 7:12 PM] t_r3xxx Favorite scene: the opening {Reactions} 👍 [8/4/2026 7:12 PM] t_r3xxx Notes: The briefing scene is very long, with multiple exposition dumps that slow the momentum after the strong opening. The number of characters introduced could also be cut down -- especially the ones that don't contribute much to moving the story forward. I would also think about cutting down how much is revealed in the footage. Keep some mystery for later! {Reactions} ❤️ (4) 💯 (2) [8/4/2026 7:13 PM] thegalacticwriter Movie [8/4/2026 7:13 PM] t_r3xxx Overall great job! I'll be reading more DONE {Reactions} ❤️ (2) [8/4/2026 7:13 PM] starcryst @lauriemacNorCal the sheep are clones! GO! {Reactions} 🤣 [8/4/2026 7:13 PM] lauriemacnorcal_28850 Favorite line: “As the picture cleared, Dr. Palmer’s heart rate doubled. He dug his fingers into the upholstery, seeking an anchor. You’ve made his tension visceral. {Reactions} ❤️ (2) 🙏 [8/4/2026 7:13 PM] gmseth I'll look it up, thanks! [8/4/2026 7:13 PM] lauriemacnorcal_28850 Favorite moment: The chapter ending with Palmer realizing he’s the only one who would take this case. (Apparently, he’s got a well-documented case of Savior’s Complex.) {Reactions} ❤️ (2) 🦾 [8/4/2026 7:13 PM] lauriemacnorcal_28850 Criticism: My only criticism is the premise for the story – we’ve heard this before. My hope is you’ll offer all sorts of inventive twists and turns to keep this feeling fresh. {Reactions} 🦾 (2) [8/4/2026 7:13 PM] thegalacticwriter https://klipy.com/gifs/c3po-i-see-your-point {Embed} https://klipy.com/gifs/c3po-i-see-your-point C3PO: I See Your Point https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/external/WIxFywQUeWSpZKcwvcCB_Lx-4ywMVqVZM6EFYd79asA/https/static.klipy.com/ii/8ce8357c78ea940b9c2015daf05ce1a5/41/cd/nuo7NL9j.webp [8/4/2026 7:13 PM] lauriemacnorcal_28850 General feedback: I’m very much enjoying this. When it’s made into a movie, I can’t wait to see your name on the screen! {Reactions} 🔥 🎉 ❤️ [8/4/2026 7:14 PM] lauriemacnorcal_28850 Question: What inspired this story? Already answered? (done) [8/4/2026 7:14 PM] starcryst @Eris Index Finger to Alien Monsters: GO! [8/4/2026 7:14 PM] erisindex Salagadoola mechicka boola, bibbidi-bobbidi-boo [8/4/2026 7:14 PM] erisindex Favorite lines: Palmer muttered to himself that the entire planet looked like a rusted-out scrap yard that someone forgot to sweep. I adore this description. Brilliant. {Reactions} 🔥 (2) 🙏 [8/4/2026 7:14 PM] erisindex “Or so we thought. Salvage crews recovered a scorched data core from the wreckage—fragments only, but enough for our engineers to reconstruct the video you are about to see. This is always how it starts. I enjoyed the anticipation, even though I can’t watch the video; I felt like I was about to. {Reactions} 🔥 (2) 🙏 [8/4/2026 7:14 PM] fictionshroom This is why I like it I want to see a new "madness disease in space" so many ways to take it. [8/4/2026 7:14 PM] vesperlrayne_04128 oh noooo.. my kiddo just called me and needs me to go pick her up- plans changed for her.. sorry folks! I will leave my feed back when I get back! {Reactions} ❤️ (2) 🙏 👋 [8/4/2026 7:14 PM] erisindex Favorite scenes: The horrifying spectacle he and the others witnessed activated his olfactory senses. The memory of a pungent, sickly sweet smell of infected wounds invaded his nostrils, and he attempted to shake off the vision from his first surgical rotation, but it was no use. He saw it in his mind again—the knife releasing a sour hiss of trapped gas that bubbled up buttery-yellow pus from pockets of liquefying muscle. So disturbing. I like it. Very visceral descriptions as well. It kind of makes me a bit nauseous, and really puts me inside of the characters' emotions. And the entire passage where they say they lost the ship’s last automated telemetry. Fantastic job with making it ominous. All the exchanges between them feel ominous, and the writing immediately puts the reader inside the same emotions. I really love it. {Reactions} 💯 (2) 🙏 [8/4/2026 7:15 PM] erisindex During the briefing, the expo was a little heavy. So much information & history is being presented at once, and I felt myself slipping out of the story. The information was needed, but my suggestion for future reference is to add some more things in between, more reactions, and interruptions to spread it further apart. {Reactions} 💯 🙏 👍 [8/4/2026 7:15 PM] erisindex Overall, this is a REALLY fun story. We go from ‘no one knows what happened to these people’ to watching a recovered video, to ‘something attacked these people,’ and it’s so fun all the way through. The imagery is brilliant, and the emotions felt real, like I was in the story myself. Question: What made you want to write the story, and what inspired the alien? {Reactions} 💯 (2) [8/4/2026 7:15 PM] erisindex DONE [8/4/2026 7:15 PM] starcryst @Randy M utated M onsters: GO! {Reactions} 🤣 [8/4/2026 7:16 PM] _randym Hello! My favorite passage was this one: > “He glimpsed the landscape as he rushed past a triple-sealed window, revealing reddish-orange geological wonders unmatched anywhere in the solar system. The sun, a small, brilliant coin tossed into a dusty sky, offered a blinding glare but no warmth to the frozen plains below. Palmer muttered to himself that the entire planet looked like a rusted-out scrap yard that someone forgot to sweep.” I like these descriptions on their own, and also how they flow from the grandiose to the personal and dismissive from Palmer {Reactions} 🔥 (2) 💯 (3) 🙏 [8/4/2026 7:16 PM] thegalacticwriter @Eris Index the movies I mentioned. Thank you for your constructive comments! {Reactions} ❤️ (2) [8/4/2026 7:17 PM] lcdouglass 🖐️ {Reactions} 👍 [8/4/2026 7:18 PM] _randym Nitpicks: Your opening struck me as a little rocky; Second line is too stuffed. Maybe find one word that means “finishing his notes” like “transcribing” and cut the parenthetical, we’ll figure out the acronym. I’d suggest being more consistent with how the narration refers to Dr Palmer, sometimes it uses his title, sometimes not. Other characters can be have their nicknames, but probably best if the narrator is consistent (I'm bad with this) > “Those last few words struck Palmer hard, and his mind wandered off.” ‘wandering’ and ‘struck’ seem incongruous; perhaps something like “and jolted him back that painful memory” {Reactions} ❤️ (2) 🙏 👍 [8/4/2026 7:18 PM] _randym I’m going to assume “Looks shiny. Captain” is a firefly reference 😉 [8/4/2026 7:18 PM] thegalacticwriter https://klipy.com/gifs/vale-thumbs-up-1 {Embed} https://klipy.com/gifs/vale-thumbs-up-1 Vale Gives Thumbs Up: Got It! https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/external/Y5J5y0eDvKeF0Y2PF4bPzVEyWJCdlb0o8MNgSrIbPlY/https/static.klipy.com/ii/8ce8357c78ea940b9c2015daf05ce1a5/cf/f8/XikykMbg.webp {Reactions} 🤣 [8/4/2026 7:19 PM] _randym During the briefing, this is the most important and interesting part: > Mr. Stewart described how ISC had been seconds from uncorking the champagne to celebrate Phyllus II’s success when word came that vicious outbursts and bloodthirsty fights had broken out aboard the ship But it's kind of glossed over. Could this be part of the recording? {Reactions} ❤️ [8/4/2026 7:19 PM] _randym All in all, solid premise and start. Done {Reactions} ❤️ (2) [8/4/2026 7:19 PM] starcryst @TheFictionForager collects scary stories: GO! [8/4/2026 7:20 PM] thegalacticwriter @Randy M thank you—great edit suggestions!! {Reactions} 👍 (2) [8/4/2026 7:20 PM] msadventurouspurple Really great job making an exposition heavy beginning intriguing and giving us enough action to keep it compelling. {Reactions} 👍 (3) 💯 (3) 🙏 (3) [8/4/2026 7:21 PM] msadventurouspurple Critique: “Kom” channels kept throwing me off & taking me out. Wondering if there’s a way to make more clear that this is a language meld {Reactions} 👍 (5) [8/4/2026 7:21 PM] msadventurouspurple Main character doesn’t feel very distinct to me beyond him being a doctor [8/4/2026 7:21 PM] thegalacticwriter Com is better? (Consensus?) {Reactions} 💯 (6) 👍 [8/4/2026 7:21 PM] fictionshroom I stuck with the exposition because the eggheads in a scifi always talk too much 🤭 {Reactions} 🤣 (2) [8/4/2026 7:22 PM] starcryst @TheFictionForager Done? [8/4/2026 7:22 PM] msadventurouspurple Question: Why did the ship from Phylus 1 have self destruct explosives? (Is this like a normal thing I’m not aware of, or normal for the world you’ve created?) {Reactions} 👍 (2) [8/4/2026 7:22 PM] msadventurouspurple Done [8/4/2026 7:22 PM] starcryst @Kostia Dmytriiev космонавт: GO! [8/4/2026 7:22 PM] fictionshroom I don't know where everyone is from so I just assumed it was slavic spelling [8/4/2026 7:22 PM] thegalacticwriter Yeah, he’s a different breed of dude, that’s for sure! [8/4/2026 7:23 PM] starcryst We have 30! peeps online. New record! {Reactions} 🎉 (3) 👏 (3) 🍄 (2) [8/4/2026 7:23 PM] yamamoto6008 **Favorite line:** "A heavy ache settled deep within him as fragmented images of those warped forms haunted his thoughts." **Favorite scene:** The paragraph leading into the recording, and the recording itself. The build and the payoff sit right against each other. **Less a criticism than a complaint:** I've known Linda long enough that it bothers me how rarely I actually get to read her writing. Put more of it in front of us. **Question:** When do we get a novel? {Reactions} 🔥 (3) 👍 🫣 🙏 🥰 [8/4/2026 7:23 PM] thegalacticwriter I got carried away with the international melding of a word. It throws people off—will change it—thank you, guys! {Reactions} ❤️ (3) [8/4/2026 7:24 PM] starcryst any of you lurkers want to raise your hand and provide feedback? [8/4/2026 7:24 PM] .revanarchy 👋 👋 Me and Kris [8/4/2026 7:24 PM] thegalacticwriter I created self-destruct in this story—for a devious reason. You’ll find out why when I drop more chapters. [8/4/2026 7:24 PM] starcryst @𝐋𝐂 𝐃𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐬 Aircraft Company: GO! {Reactions} ❤️ [8/4/2026 7:25 PM] lcdouglass It's a very eerie piece with a powerful hook. It reminded me of Event Horizon and Solaris; also the first Riddick film. - I love how Palmer is haunted by the earlier Phyllus I disaster. That reminded me a lot of Alien 2 - the rehash of what happened to the Nostromo and the information released in layers can really build suspense and horror. I think you could really push the reader to see more of Palmer's personality and how haunted and troubled he is. Fav lines are the gore because it tears into the narrative. The reader is like whaaaat: "He glanced away and coughed to ease the tension, then forced himself to view the gruesome images of men wailing in agony, shrieking and scrambling as they slipped on warm, bright crimson fountains splattering the cabin walls. Muscles tore and peeled away from their skeletal frames in long, wet sheets, exposing glossy white bones that fractured and spontaneously disintegrated." Slight critique - it's got a fair amount of exposition and is not for a distracted reader, as I was quite tired when I read it. My bad! But I think perhaps placing action first in some cases might grab the reader's attention, and then you can hold them with the dialogue, world-building, character development. Some of the dialogue circles and could be tightened: "It's serious." "How serious?" "Very serious." "Tell me." "I can't." - That said, i listened to the dramatization of this piece on project abracadabra and it was superb so it depends how one engages with it. DONE {Reactions} 🔥 (2) 👍 🙏 [8/4/2026 7:25 PM] starcryst @Joshua Bader - who would just kill the monster with a force choke, GO! [8/4/2026 7:26 PM] .revanarchy Favorite Line: Tech. Wolski: “That’s funny, Anderson. Maybe they wanna mate with you!” Favorite Scene: I like that this isn't the first “accident”. Somehow the fact that it happened once before and they kept it all hush hush makes it feels more authentic. Criticism: None? We've been over this once before and I feel like you've adapted well to the last round of feedback. Question: Do you have a rough year that you envision all this happening? I appreciate the advantage of keeping a specific year out of the text… but how far removed from our Earth is this one? Done for me {Reactions} 🔥 (2) [8/4/2026 7:26 PM] lauriemacnorcal_28850 For this very reason -- Not to bring horrific diseases back to Earth, no? {Reactions} 🔥 🎉 [8/4/2026 7:26 PM] .revanarchy For Kris Quote - “And what could we have told the public? Sorry, but there’s a strange monster out there that rips away at our flesh until there’s nothing left?” Scene - the gore. For me, it's always the gore. Criticism - "Everyone had returned from exploring one of Jupiter’s moons—dead." How did they get them back? I am confused. Did they just... Chill dead in the ship? I see autopilot and self destruct... I just want a little clarity on what happened 🙂 Questions - What is the history behind how you created the creature(s)? {Reactions} 🔥 (2) 🙏 [8/4/2026 7:26 PM] .revanarchy Done [8/4/2026 7:26 PM] starcryst any last stragglers get your hands up while I go [8/4/2026 7:27 PM] starcryst Best line(s): The horrifying spectacle he and the others witnessed activated his olfactory senses. The memory of a pungent, sickly sweet smell of infected wounds invaded his nostrils, and he attempted to shake off the vision from his first surgical rotation, but it was no use. He saw it in his mind again—the knife releasing a sour hiss of trapped gas that bubbled up buttery-yellow pus from pockets of liquefying muscle. {Reactions} 🔥 (2) 🎉 [8/4/2026 7:27 PM] thegalacticwriter @𝐋𝐂 𝐃𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐬 thank you—great edits to think about!🙏 {Reactions} ❤️ [8/4/2026 7:27 PM] starcryst this was exceptional written horror [8/4/2026 7:27 PM] starcryst that sequence put me in the scene -- well done {Reactions} 🔥 (2) 🙏 [8/4/2026 7:28 PM] starcryst I felt the astronauts when they encountered the monster were a little to lackadaisical. {Reactions} 👍 (2) 👌 [8/4/2026 7:29 PM] thegalacticwriter @Joshua Bader thanks for highlighting the need for clarification.🙏 second answer will take too long… [8/4/2026 7:29 PM] fictionshroom I've heard it said "characters don't know what genre they're in" so just because we've seen this before,. doesn't mean they know anything [8/4/2026 7:29 PM] starcryst I'd like to have seen a bit more professionalism from them - maybe one joke, but I expected them to be more shocked and awed by what was a completely alien encounter {Reactions} 🔥 👍 👌 [8/4/2026 7:29 PM] .revanarchy That said Tech Wolski is my favorite character. {Reactions} 🎉 [8/4/2026 7:29 PM] starcryst otherwise it was a super fun story and the horror is there in spades {Reactions} 🔥 (2) 🙏 [8/4/2026 7:30 PM] starcryst that's all I have. [8/4/2026 7:30 PM] starcryst Any last minute comments? [8/4/2026 7:30 PM] starcryst And @The Galactic Writer any final comments for the room? [8/4/2026 7:32 PM] thegalacticwriter No, except thank you for showing me how you felt it, read it, absorbed the content. This is a valuable moment for any writer, and this newbie appreciated your input! {Reactions} ❤️ (2) 🔥 [8/4/2026 7:33 PM] starcryst Thank you all for coming and sharing some of your most precious resource -- YOUR TIME! {Reactions} ❤️ [8/4/2026 7:33 PM] thegalacticwriter https://klipy.com/gifs/thank-you-thanks-75 {Embed} https://klipy.com/gifs/thank-you-thanks-75 Gorilla Says Thank You with 'GO' Logos https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/external/hVYDRFEh2CaETWnGgFQNcf8nbD2lWTOvgPgLeufu7KU/https/static.klipy.com/ii/d7aec6f6f171607374b2065c836f92f4/fb/9e/xPp3tMfB.webp {Reactions} 🤣 (2) [8/4/2026 7:33 PM] starcryst Now we're off to the #write-club-after-party-july-through-sept-2026 for 2d Drinks, 3d People and 4d Shameless Self Promotion! {Reactions} 🎉 (2) [8/4/2026 7:41 PM] von_a_o Ok, so, since given permission... I didn't get a chance to read the whole thing, but as a former nurse and emt I was surprised by some of the lack of medical hygeiene/ protection. Landing on the planet, for example... why not keep in deep space. Being able to smell? Not in an isolation suit?? [8/4/2026 7:50 PM] gonzpaoli Missed it by *that much!* lol [8/4/2026 7:50 PM] gonzpaoli **General Thoughts** This is a very intriguing space-horror mystery, reminiscent of *Alien,* but with the politics of *The Expanse.* I'm very drawn to find out what happens next. It's extremely well written, and the imagery of those poor crew members is ***highly*** vivid. Well done! {Reactions} 🔥 🙏 [8/4/2026 7:50 PM] gonzpaoli **Favourite moments:** - When Palmer comes in to meet his friend and gets ambushed by six other officials. There is absolutely nothing he can do except glare at him 😂 - The back-and-forth when Palmer argues that he should have been informed. He says they should have told him, they respond, “What were we going to say? Sorry, there's a monster out there that rips apart our flesh until there's nothing left?”, he insists he should have known, and they come back with, “There was nothing left to study.” Both sides were honestly right in their own way, which made the argument really interesting. {Reactions} 💯 [8/4/2026 7:51 PM] gonzpaoli **Favourite "line":** > The horrifying spectacle he and the others witnessed activated his olfactory senses. The memory of a pungent, sickly sweet smell of infected wounds invaded his nostrils, and he attempted to shake off the vision from his first surgical rotation, but it was no use. He saw it in his mind again—the knife releasing a sour hiss of trapped gas that bubbled up buttery-yellow pus from pockets of liquefying muscle. > > Palmer swallowed hard and tried to relax his throat, fighting the surge of stinging bile climbing the walls of his esophagus. He glanced away and coughed to ease the tension, then forced himself to view the gruesome images of men wailing in agony, shrieking and scrambling as they slipped on warm, bright crimson fountains splattering the cabin walls. Muscles tore and peeled away from their skeletal frames in long, wet sheets, exposing glossy white bones that fractured and spontaneously disintegrated. GROSS! I love it! 😝 This reminds me—and you will appreciate this, Linda—of the time Data tries something revolting, Geordi asks, “How is it?”, and he exclaims, “It's revolting!” Guinan asks, “More?”, and he responds, “Please!” LMAO {Reactions} 💯 😄 [8/4/2026 7:52 PM] gonzpaoli **Criticism:** - You wrote that he “stood up and apologized,” and then immediately had him say, “I'm sorry.” You don't need both. It would be more concise to have him stand up and simply say, “I'm sorry.” - It felt a little long in places, but that may just be because I was listening on audio while driving and doing other things, so take that critique with a grain of salt. [8/4/2026 7:53 PM] gonzpaoli **Question For The Author:** What inspired this story, and what is pushing you to finish this particular one? I believe you mentioned that you're a psychologist, therapist or psychoanalyst by trade, that you're interested in stories that heal, and that this story has been mulling around in your head for years. I'm curious where it came from and why this is the story you feel compelled to complete. [8/4/2026 7:53 PM] gonzpaoli 👏🏼 👏🏼 👏🏼 [8/4/2026 7:54 PM] gonzpaoli @The Galactic Writer 👆🏼 😁 [8/4/2026 7:57 PM] thegalacticwriter Good call on those keen observations I missed! I appreciate you jumping in and giving me great edit suggestions!! {Reactions} ❤️ [8/4/2026 7:57 PM] thegalacticwriter @Gonz thank you!🦠💚 {Reactions} ❤️ [8/4/2026 8:01 PM] thegalacticwriter @Gonz I was inspired by movies I watched as a kid in the 80’s—when I first wrote it. That’s why it seems a bit formula-stylistic as compared to now, although Save The Cat beats are still popular. I felt the need to complete it once Cody at Tales From Sphyra (Substack) read a snippet I gave him. It received a great response, so I took another look at it. It was in a file somewhere. {Reactions} 🔥 [8/4/2026 8:39 PM] vesperlrayne_04128 ok my feedback, finally- sorry I had to leave in the middle! What I thought worked - You do drop us into the action right away and let us know immediately what kind of story we are reading. I think the premise is a solid one, one that has worked well in sci-fi I enjoyed Dr Palmer’s grumpiness I did really enjoy the conversation The audio log. Full stop. The moment Donola says "like a couple of emeralds" and Anderson goes quiet with that pull he can't explain. -that's your story. That's the heartbeat of the whole thing and it's alive in a way the rest of the excerpt is reaching for. What I think could be shored up- As a reader, I didn’t really get interested in the characters because I often felt I was being told who they were rather than getting to discover them through their actions and reactions. I found myself wanting to meet the characters through what they were doing, saying, and noticing, rather than through explanations of who they were/are and what they had done or were going to do. {Reactions} ❤️ 💯 [8/4/2026 8:39 PM] vesperlrayne_04128 - I think I’m better at examples so.. For example- your introduction to Dr. Palmer. As a reader, I wanted to experience Dr. Palmer before I was told about him. Rather than being told he hadn't slept well, I wondered if showing him awake in bed, unable to sleep because of recurring nightmares or memories from the previous mission, might allow readers to infer the same information while becoming curious about why he can't sleep. Also, you give the reader the opportunity to ask, what are the nightmares and why is he having them? Which would lead beautifully into his memory of what this thing does to people, which we see later, and the reader now is like.. Ohhh that’s why he has nightmares. I wanted Palmer to arrive, see the survivors, notice something strange, and start figuring it out. Instead, most of the mystery was explained to him in meetings, recordings, and summaries before he had a chance to investigate it himself. I also felt that the description of how the people were basically ripped apart from the inside by the virus was a bit much, though I understand that some readers like that sort of thing, I wonder if less is more in this case? Maybe just pick the two most memorable things of that whole description and infer the rest. I think the story has good, solid bones. I feel like you can really go places with it. The premise is interesting and fits sci-fi tropes perfectly. I’d like to see where you go with it. {Reactions} 💯 👆🏼 [8/5/2026 5:14 PM] thegalacticwriter Thank you for taking the time to return. You offered valuable suggestions and examples—and I appreciate it! I meant it when I said I was a “newbie” at this. I’m catching up after years of not honing these skills, but I’m having fun learning. 🫶 {Reactions} ❤️ [8/5/2026 6:17 PM] vesperlrayne_04128 You are welcome! I am glad this landed for you. I think you have a good story and solid premise- you can take it anywhere your imagination lets you go, which is such a cool thing. ❤️ {Reactions} 💓 💯 👆🏼 ============================================================== Exported 152 message(s) ==============================================================