============================================================== Guild: Write Club Channel: Archives-2026-August / 08-14-26-jacob-seinemeier ============================================================== [7/31/2026 9:22 PM] hellerbard_36669 (pinned) First instalment of my 3-part urban fantasy story Unhuman Resources, featuring detective Sam Heller. Looking forward to sharing it with you guys! https://open.substack.com/pub/jacobseinemeier/p/unhuman-resources-part-1-of-3 {Embed} https://open.substack.com/pub/jacobseinemeier/p/unhuman-resources-part-1-of-3 Unhuman Resources- Part 1 of 3 Part One of a new three-part Sam Heller urban fantasy serial! https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/external/OwWrX1W8Vz8yKt8WS3X2pL7RiPL8OR9C4T8GFqa_ehY/https/substackcdn.com/image/fetch/%24s_%21qjLm%21%2Cw_1200%2Ch_675%2Cc_fill%2Cf_jpg%2Cq_auto%3Agood%2Cfl_progressive%3Asteep%2Cg_auto/https%253A%252F%252Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%252Fpublic%252Fimages%252Fbe0e333b-e621-4e23-aa82-95cb4467beb2_4586x3741.jpeg {Reactions} ❤️ (4) [8/14/2026 12:12 PM] von_a_o Looking forward to the review... if I can get away 🙂 Liked what I have read so far. {Reactions} ❤️ [8/14/2026 6:08 PM] snowpuppie @JacobSein_Hellerbard I just finished reading this and had to come here to say ... /chef's kiss! 🔥 {Reactions} ❤️ [8/14/2026 6:15 PM] starcryst @everyone if you want to help promote our author for tonight, you know what to do! (and if you don't, click on the link below and restack!) - see y'all at 7pm EST https://substack.com/@davidtetheredge/note/c-314978184 {Embed} https://substack.com/@davidtetheredge/note/c-314978184 David T Etheredge (@davidtetheredge) Tonight at Write Club we have @Jacob Seinemeier and his story Unhuman Resources! If you want to see what Write Club is all about, read the story below and join us at 7pm EST at http://writeclub.chat for the fun. Lurkers welcome! https://jacobseinemeier.substack.com/p/unhuman-resources-part-1-of-3 https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/external/JWgLjnpevL4axeLX0z7DQSC7M7btSDAdWkOplif9pUQ/https/substackcdn.com/image/fetch/%24s_%210GL3%21%2Cf_auto%2Cq_auto%3Agood%2Cfl_progressive%3Asteep/https%253A%252F%252Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%252Fpublic%252Fimages%252Fdd782213-01c9-4b6e-8d33-63718bc12593_1316x734.png {Reactions} ❤️ [8/14/2026 6:17 PM] vesperlrayne_04128 This is sooo right up my alley ❤️ {Reactions} 💯 ❤️ (3) [8/14/2026 6:18 PM] von_a_o Not really my genre, but I like the writing style and Rockford vibes {Reactions} 👍 (4) [8/14/2026 6:52 PM] hellerbard_36669 Howdy, all 🙂 {Reactions} 🙌🏼 (2) [8/14/2026 6:55 PM] somedesertrat Ahhhh, Urban Fantasy/Noir? Fuck yeah. {Reactions} ❤️ (2) [8/14/2026 6:55 PM] gonzpaoli Heyy Heller, you made it from the other side of the world! {Reactions} ❤️ [8/14/2026 6:56 PM] gonzpaoli Sorry I can't make it guys. I'll lurk, but I have no time to read/review for today, or the next few days 😢 {Reactions} ❤️ 👍 [8/14/2026 6:56 PM] hellerbard_36669 Greetings from the future. I bring you glad tidings of coffee and breakfast pastry {Reactions} ☕ (2) 🥐 (3) [8/14/2026 6:59 PM] starcryst https://klipy.com/gifs/tci-the-collective-10 {Embed} https://klipy.com/gifs/tci-the-collective-10 Tci The Collective https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/external/RqOmuqL3POD0QDY_JRnZBRY55d-jB1SvlFc0_pPwZhs/https/static.klipy.com/ii/a8ada81afc59159ea5c8927feffa2e31/b0/b8/ofELZudkwvYSoa.webp {Reactions} ❤️ [8/14/2026 6:59 PM] starcryst @everyone its time for WRITE CLUB! [8/14/2026 7:00 PM] .revanarchy 👋 [8/14/2026 7:00 PM] spitz79 👋 [8/14/2026 7:00 PM] somedesertrat 👋 [8/14/2026 7:00 PM] loganraith Sorry. Long work day. I’ll try to drop some notes later. {Reactions} ❤️ [8/14/2026 7:00 PM] rubygs 👋 {Reactions} 👍 [8/14/2026 7:00 PM] snowpuppie 👋 {Reactions} 👍 [8/14/2026 7:00 PM] starcryst If you are new tonight, here are some lightly salted rules for you to chew on! {Attachments} https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/1531791105358696652/1537959161474850876/Write_Club_Chat_Format.png?ex=6ab8f755&is=6ab7a5d5&hm=bd1a7930d98b354fdb9bf1609d4c42d87a2335ac6fbf2548d6d520be4cac0cee& [8/14/2026 7:00 PM] thegalacticwriter 👋 {Reactions} 👍 [8/14/2026 7:01 PM] erisindex 👋 {Reactions} 👍 [8/14/2026 7:01 PM] starcryst @JacobSein_Hellerbard what flavor of critique you looking for? Popcorn or BEER NUTZ {Reactions} 🔥 (2) 🤣 (3) [8/14/2026 7:02 PM] hellerbard_36669 Beer nuts is good- lay it on me 🙂 {Reactions} 💯 (3) 🔥 (3) foxParty [8/14/2026 7:02 PM] starcryst Okay if you want to provide feedback, get your yellow surgical glove in the air and wave it like to just don't care. [8/14/2026 7:02 PM] starcryst And when are finished with feedback please say DONE [8/14/2026 7:03 PM] starcryst @Joshua Bader GO! [8/14/2026 7:03 PM] .revanarchy Favorite Line: We passed Evelyn’s secretary Esmeralda and I tipped her a wave. She was busy packing envelopes, but the older woman spared a moment to smile behind her half-moon glasses and wiggle a couple of tentacles at me. I love the casual way you work the extraordinary in an ordinary scene. I think that's a hallmark of good urban fantasy. {Reactions} ❤️ (3) 🔥 (2) 💯 (3) [8/14/2026 7:03 PM] .revanarchy Favorite Scene: I have never been to Perth, but you make Perth feel like Perth and not like Chicago or London or some other urban fantasy setting. {Reactions} 🔥 (3) ❤️ 🙌 [8/14/2026 7:03 PM] .revanarchy Criticism: I would personally break it into smaller pieces. I've read a little Heller before (the Minotaur) and while I loved that one too, it was also a little bit long for Substack. (I think. I could be wrong. But my experience is shorter pieces get read more.) {Reactions} 👍 (2) [8/14/2026 7:03 PM] starcryst You heard him, you are free to leave the taste of Nutz in his mouth. {Reactions} 🤣 (6) [8/14/2026 7:04 PM] .revanarchy Question: Is there some completed Heller out there in the world? Does he have a novel or two or ten under his belt? Because you write with the mastery of character that comes from spending 100,000 plus words with a character. {Reactions} 💯 (5) [8/14/2026 7:04 PM] .revanarchy Done {Reactions} ❤️ [8/14/2026 7:04 PM] starcryst @DastardlyDrave GO! [8/14/2026 7:04 PM] spitz79 @HellerBard Jacob: First really interesting premise. Not my usual go-to genre but I found myself really drawn into the surrounding cast of characters and setting. Favorite part: The yellow eye at the centre of her forehead flashed. A golden glow suffused the orb and it seemed to widen, expanding outwards until the tiny room began to darken and fade into insubstantiality. Moments later, there was only me, Hoshino- and that brightly glowing eye, keeping me pinned in place. My muscles locked up. My hands gripped the armrests of the couch convulsively as a roaring filled my ears. I couldn’t tear my gaze away. A couple of suggestions: The broken English of the IT crew threw me off for a second. I found myself trying to see if I missed a word or if it was intentional. I caught on quick, but just wanted to let you know that was my first thought, not Russian affect. Second, the last portion, his recollection of the story to the Oni. For me, the full italics didn't give the separation I'm used to. That could be because that's just the way I write (italics for interiority) but I would sometimes find myself reading interiority, then having to shift to exterior dialog and description. (although TECHNICALLY interior cause it's him telling a story, reciting dialogue, inside of a oni's spell, inside his own memory... its a lot haha but in a great way!) Overall, I really liked it. The characters are interesting, the story is fun. I'm curious to see where it goes next! Thanks for sharing! {Reactions} ❤️ (5) 🔥 (2) [8/14/2026 7:04 PM] lauriemacnorcal_28850 ✋ {Reactions} 👍 [8/14/2026 7:04 PM] spitz79 Done [8/14/2026 7:05 PM] hellerbard_36669 No novel yet- but I've written over twenty stories featuring the character and the world. He's living rent free in my head for the last eighteen months or so 🧠 {Reactions} ❤️ (5) 🔥 (4) 🕺 (2) [8/14/2026 7:05 PM] starcryst btw -- if there are any Library Science grads just passively lurking around, we wrap our authors in the WARM GLOW OF ACCEPTANCE, we don't Roast them... {Reactions} 🤣 (5) ❤️‍🔥 (3) 🕯️ 🌩️ 🦾 [8/14/2026 7:06 PM] starcryst @Carl Price GO! [8/14/2026 7:06 PM] somedesertrat Enjoyed this piece over all. I actually found it refreshing that the POV narration wasn't trying to ape the current trend of snarky, worn-out detective in this piece. Quite nice seeing other people's takes on the Fantastic Noir genre and working with it. Piece was a fine length in my opinion. {Reactions} 🔥 (3) ❤️ [8/14/2026 7:06 PM] somedesertrat Fave Scene: The lead-up to and transitional point between Heller and Hoshino in her office that takes us into the flashback. That abrupt of a shift in tone of a 'quirky' Corporate Noir opening to the Classic Noir flashback was handled spot on. {Reactions} ❤️ (3) 🔥 [8/14/2026 7:06 PM] somedesertrat Fave Line: > *The other Fir Bolg cheered and Fergus passed him a tankard of beer, which he proceeded to swill down.* > *“Trying to get the taste of balls out of your mouth?” I said.* > *“Bugger off, smartarse,” the brawny Hider grunted. “Like to see you try it.”* Not just for the sheer brass on Heller, but also for the ubiquitous 'brawny NOUN' that you need to have in Noir. It's a nice sly wink to fans of the classic, Two-Fisted Detective stories. {Reactions} ❤️ (3) [8/14/2026 7:06 PM] somedesertrat Constructive Criticism: the physical description of the *Fir Bolg* in the flashback comes across like a record scratch, throwing off the flow of the Staple Seedy Bar. Consider spreading their physical traits through the narration. It's something that I'm working on, too. {Reactions} ❤️ (3) [8/14/2026 7:06 PM] somedesertrat I was unclear on the setting until Perth was flat out mentioned, but still a bit surprised there wasn't any local slang used by Heller or Evelyn if they're native Aussies (or Kiwi transplants). Not expecting the stereotypical G'Day Mate or Shrimp on the Barbie, BS, but maybe something more 'naturally Australian'. However, with Heller working as an independent contractor for the Bard Group and his prior employment history, I can understand why it's left out. {Reactions} ❤️ (3) 😄 [8/14/2026 7:07 PM] somedesertrat DONE [8/14/2026 7:07 PM] starcryst @steffie long time listener, first time caller: Welcome! GO! {Reactions} foxParty 🤣 [8/14/2026 7:08 PM] rubygs Favorite Scene: We passed Evelyn’s secretary Esmeralda and I tipped her a wave. She was busy packing envelopes, but the older woman spared a moment to smile behind her half-moon glasses and wiggle a couple of tentacles at me. I’d never been exactly clear of what it was she did exactly. Every communication I’d ever had with The Bard Group, Western Australia’s largest and most secretive organisation catering to the needs of the supernatural Hider community- or monsters, if you’re nasty- had been through Evelyn directly. Maybe Esmeralda made fantastic coffee. Or ate pushy door-to-door salesmen. Favorite Line: “Heller, what brings you down here to asshole of the world? You get lost looking for shitter?” Question: None, the writing is clear and descriptive 😄 Critique: None! It was a fun piece and I like that the detective is fairly clueless. It's adorable {Reactions} ❤️ (3) [8/14/2026 7:08 PM] starcryst @steffie Done? [8/14/2026 7:09 PM] rubygs Done [8/14/2026 7:09 PM] starcryst @Lisa N Snowe GO! [8/14/2026 7:09 PM] starcryst Thank you! 🙂 [8/14/2026 7:09 PM] snowpuppie I very much enjoyed this 1st part of Unhuman Resources. Character development, pacing, dialogue, setting ... all excellent. It felt a little bit like the offspring of the "Fables" graphic novel series and Men In Black. 🙂 {Reactions} ❤️ (4) 💯 (3) [8/14/2026 7:09 PM] hellerbard_36669 That's something I'm working on- it's hard to make the story sound Australian without giving off Crocodile Dundee vibes, but agree...I could seed a couple more Australian-isms into Heller's, for sure {Reactions} 👍 (2) [8/14/2026 7:09 PM] snowpuppie Favorite Line(s): “Hold up, Heller.” Evelyn held up the folder. “Do you know what this is?” I squinted at it. “Your sense of humour? I’m being honest, I thought it’d be smaller.” and Evelyn sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Look, I don’t like this any more than you do. It’s just an hour. Go meet with Hoshino-san. Answer her questions honestly…and Heller? Do not annoy her.” “Who me?” Great punctuating moments in his character development. I laughed out loud. XD "The hairy house-spirits froze. Three golf-ball sized pairs of eyes stared up at me." - Hairy house spirits: their entire scene is another example of your gift for characterization. {Reactions} ❤️ (3) 🔥 [8/14/2026 7:10 PM] snowpuppie Favorite Scene(s): Basically, the entire exchange with Hoshino. It was a vivid, palpable scene, for which previous scenes had built tension: a surreal - yet quite human-like - monster mixed awe and dread and curiosity, and the reader was left wondering what the actual heck is going to happen next? If you wanted to, the end of thise scene would also make a great place to stop for a shorter post. The rest would easily make up a great follow-up piece! And anyone with the time would keep reading! {Reactions} 🦾 💯 ❤️ (2) [8/14/2026 7:10 PM] snowpuppie Critique: I was a little lost when you first mentioned non-humans in the story, because I was not sure of the setting (fantasy, future, present?) But, I'm not sure it mattered deeply? Once I oriented, which I was able to do oretty quickly, I started to expect oddities, and then was delighted by each new one. Besides that one thing, which may or may not be an actual issue, I don't have too much else to critique other than remembering a word repeated twice close together so it sounded repetitive (but that might very well have been on purpose), and one typo I found: "The shadows took overtook me." Pretty sure the first "took" wasn't meant to be there. {Reactions} ❤️ (4) [8/14/2026 7:11 PM] loganraith @JacobSein_Hellerbard I’ve been trying to squeeze in reading this at work and I’m really digging it! Will leave some comments later. {Reactions} 👍 [8/14/2026 7:11 PM] snowpuppie Question: How do you dream up your characters? (Or am I just woefully ignorant of those that already exist in the world already from different mythologies?) DONE! {Reactions} 👍 (2) [8/14/2026 7:11 PM] starcryst @The Galactic Writer GO! [8/14/2026 7:12 PM] thegalacticwriter Hi, Jacob! This was a fun read. I have no edits. Favorite line: “It had been a little while, and the green slime that covered it had mostly dried into a tacky mess, but I still looked as if somebody had sneezed on me repeatedly.” I was listening and it made me laugh. {Reactions} ❤️ (3) 🔥 (2) [8/14/2026 7:12 PM] vesperlrayne_04128 👋 {Reactions} 👍 [8/14/2026 7:12 PM] thegalacticwriter Nice descriptions—felt like I was there. Clever, an interspecies HR with creative characteristics. I enjoyed your imaginative details. And some one-liners said volumes: For example: “Her third eye never took its gaze off my face as she read.” Another clever tidbit: “Fergus chuckled and punched me on the arm. I immediately lost all feeling in it- but didn’t drop my drink.” Favorite paragraph that “got” me: “In the next second I thought I was toast. They descended upon me in a swarm, and I thought I was being beaten to death. Turned out the Fir Bolg were just trying to pat me on the back all at once with their massive stony hands. I fought myself free, laughing, and accepted another whiskey when it was shoved into my hand.” {Reactions} ❤️ (4) 🔥 (2) [8/14/2026 7:12 PM] thegalacticwriter Great transition, as I thought he was toast, too. Loved the turn of events. Overall, a fun P.I. story! Curious what comes next—great hooks! (DONE) 🫶 {Reactions} ❤️ (4) 🔥 orangeheart [8/14/2026 7:13 PM] starcryst @Eris Index GO! [8/14/2026 7:13 PM] hellerbard_36669 Jeez, I have re-read this story a hundred gazillion times. Thanks for spotting the double up took/overtook! {Reactions} ❤️ (2) [8/14/2026 7:13 PM] erisindex –I’ve lost count of how many drinks I’ve had thrown in my face. That one I don’t mind so much- long as I keep my mouth open.-- I don’t know how to properly say how much I loved this line. I’m jealous, honestly. LOVE IT. Tells me exactly what kind of narrator we’re dealing with, lol. {Reactions} ❤️ (6) 😮 this [8/14/2026 7:13 PM] erisindex –All were covered in wiry red hair, with gnarled and wizened faces like dried-up apple cores.-- What? First time I've ever heard a face described like a dried-up apple core… hahaha, I love this description. [8/14/2026 7:13 PM] erisindex –Her third eye never took its gaze off my face as she read.-- Your descriptions of this HR lady/demon have been trippy. I love the character and personality so far. {Reactions} ❤️ (3) 💯 [8/14/2026 7:13 PM] erisindex –“Evelyn Ivanova… the human equivalent of one of those disclaimer forms you’re forced to sign before they let you board the rollercoaster…”-- Instead of telling me she’s intimidating, you give me this. Very crafty. {Reactions} 👍 (3) 💯 [8/14/2026 7:14 PM] erisindex Favorite scene: The three Domovoi coming out of the server room was probably my favorite scene. A supernatural IT totem pole? Ha, no you didn’t… Little old house spirits who fix shoes and bake bread? I love all this imagery. It’s ridiculous, but the worldbuilding makes sense. Also the entire Hoshino scene. All the descriptions of her, and then the crazy eye watching him while she reads, then it glowing and doing some supernatural ridiculousness. {Reactions} ❤️ [8/14/2026 7:14 PM] erisindex Criticism: The only time I felt the story slow was when you gave us supernatural history in chunks. You’ve already shown us you’re excellent at slipping worldbuilding into the actual scene. You could trim some and weave it in naturally throughout the story. I also think the beginning at the Bard Group could be tightened a little. [8/14/2026 7:14 PM] erisindex Overall, I was stunned by some of these descriptions/imagery, and watching it all come together was a fun time. The mix of private investigator/noir, fantasy, and the supernatural made everything feel real and lived-in. Hats off to the author. {Reactions} ❤️ (2) 💯 [8/14/2026 7:14 PM] erisindex Question: Can you share more info about this activating eye? Is she literally forcing him to relive this, or is she just pulling the truth out whether he wants to give it up or not? Done. [8/14/2026 7:14 PM] starcryst @Laurie MacMacMacMacMacMac: GO! {Reactions} 😂 [8/14/2026 7:15 PM] hellerbard_36669 I've always loved folklore, mythology and monsters, so I sort of collect all the ones I find that I think might fit into Heller's world or be a good monster-of-the-week when I want to write one of those. A few I made up 🙂 {Reactions} ❤️ (3) 👹 [8/14/2026 7:15 PM] lauriemacnorcal_28850 Favorite line: I brushed at the front of my Pixies T-shirt. It had been a little while, and the green slime that covered it had mostly dried into a tacky mess, but I still looked as if somebody had sneezed on me repeatedly. I am a complete sucker for a character in a Pixie’s t-shirt {Reactions} ❤️ (4) 🔥 (2) 💯 (2) [8/14/2026 7:15 PM] lauriemacnorcal_28850 Favorite moment: Heller saving the day with an Irish drinking song {Reactions} ❤️ (3) 🔥 (2) [8/14/2026 7:16 PM] lauriemacnorcal_28850 Criticism: The misuse of hyphens when you meant to use em-dashes. That repeatedly tripped me up. {Reactions} ❤️ (2) 👍 [8/14/2026 7:16 PM] lauriemacnorcal_28850 General feedback: This was fun! I like this guy and want to hear more about his adventure in this strange world. {Reactions} ❤️ (3) 🔥 💯 [8/14/2026 7:16 PM] lauriemacnorcal_28850 Question: Were you inspired by the Tartan Army drinking Boston dry during the World Cup? (done) {Reactions} ⚽ 🍀 (2) [8/14/2026 7:16 PM] starcryst Also - thank you @lauriemacNorCal for the Write Club shoutouts on your live stream! {Reactions} ❤️ (4) 😊 (3) 💯 👆 [8/14/2026 7:17 PM] starcryst @VesperLRayne GO! [8/14/2026 7:17 PM] vesperlrayne_04128 hiyas! sorry I was a bit late.. my brain decided a nap ten minutes to 4 was a good idea {Reactions} 🤣 ❤️ [8/14/2026 7:17 PM] starcryst Do we have any LURKERS?? [8/14/2026 7:17 PM] xenonsteem Lurk [8/14/2026 7:18 PM] tinapickles First time lurker… still trying to figure out how this works *cries in perpetually late to every goddamned party* {Reactions} ❤️ (3) 🎉 🎊 🙌 👋 💜 [8/14/2026 7:18 PM] xenonsteem It's very dark. You're likely to be eaten by a grue. [8/14/2026 7:18 PM] starcryst If you are a-lurking and want to provide feedback, get them yellow dish-washing gloves in the air! [8/14/2026 7:18 PM] vesperlrayne_04128 @lauriemacNorCal took my fave line- but here is the feedback I had a areader - did this earlier.. had a lot of fun with this. My brain already speaks “paranormal professionals dealing with supernatural bullshit as part of their Tuesday,” so I settled into this world almost immediately. 😂 Heller’s voice grabbed me right away. He’s a smartass and clearly something of a disaster, but I never felt like the humor was there just to deliver jokes. There’s something decent underneath him, and I liked discovering that as I went. I also loved how casually the supernatural exists around him—the tentacled secretary, domovoi running IT, an oni running HR. I never felt like the world stopped to explain itself to me; it felt like I had walked into something that was already up and running. Hoshino was probably my favorite. Everyone’s reaction to her made me curious before I even met her, and then she was intelligent, funny and almost pleasant, which somehow made her more concerning. 😂 I also really enjoyed the Fir Bolg scene, especially when it shifted from absurdity into something unexpectedly warm. Heller recognizing what they missed and giving them a little piece of home through the song told me more about him than I think any explanation could have. There were a couple of stretches in that scene where my reader brain was ready to move a little faster because I wanted to know what happened next, but I stayed with it. By the time Heller was drunk on the pool table buying them time to escape, I liked the idiot. 😂 I’d absolutely keep reading—and I want more Hoshino. {Reactions} ❤️ (4) 💯 (2) [8/14/2026 7:19 PM] hellerbard_36669 Thanks, @Eris Index! Hoshino's forcing him to relive it and watching it as he does. She experiences what he thought and felt and saw while it happened, so she can understand his motivations and decisions, as well as what he did {Reactions} 🔥 ❤️ 💯 (2) 🙌 (2) 💕 [8/14/2026 7:19 PM] starcryst Pinned a message. [8/14/2026 7:19 PM] vesperlrayne_04128 and.. yes I loved it and want to read more, DONE {Reactions} 💯 (3) ❤️ [8/14/2026 7:19 PM] somedesertrat the ultimate HR power move. {Reactions} 💯 (5) 🤣 (3) 😭 [8/14/2026 7:19 PM] starcryst Okay while I am going, if you are new to Write Club - WELCOME! 🙂 [8/14/2026 7:19 PM] starcryst I've pinned the story in the pins (that pin in the upper right of your screen!) [8/14/2026 7:20 PM] starcryst If you haven't read it yet, PHEER NOT! {Reactions} ❤️ (2) [8/14/2026 7:20 PM] starcryst You can read it at your leisure and come back any time to provide your thoughts outside the stress of the active chat! {Reactions} cattea ❤️ [8/14/2026 7:20 PM] starcryst but if you are ready to go now -- use the emoji button to raise your hand and you can go after I finish my feedback. 🙂 [8/14/2026 7:21 PM] starcryst Best Line(s) - _“Trying to get the taste of balls out of your mouth?” I said._ <<< no comment {Reactions} 🤣 ❤️ [8/14/2026 7:21 PM] hellerbard_36669 Thanks, @lauriemacNorCal! Not directly- I wrote this prior to the Boston booze shortage, but I've had Irish roommates. Enough said 🙂 {Reactions} ❤️ (4) 🍻 (4) ☘️ (3) 🤣 [8/14/2026 7:21 PM] starcryst I’ve been shot at by clients; had my car windows smashed in; my tires slashed. I’ve lost count of how many drinks I’ve had thrown in my face. That one I don’t mind so much- long as I keep my mouth open. <<< if your clients haven't tried to kill you, you are probably in the wrong line of work. {Reactions} 🤣 (4) 💯 (4) ❤️ (3) [8/14/2026 7:22 PM] starcryst _The old man waved one blocky hand and chuckled. “I know, I know, but if we win- well, we stick around until West Australia’s fine breweries are as dry as Tutankhamen’s arsehole. Whaddaya think, Mr Heller? Are we in agreement?”_ <<< love the _dry_ humor {Reactions} facepalm (3) 🤣 (4) ❤️ (2) 💯 [8/14/2026 7:22 PM] starcryst Best sequence - The IT Gnomes. Everything in this scene was great! [8/14/2026 7:22 PM] starcryst Back in Europe in the old days, Domovoi like Dmitri and the twins had been house spirits, living in the walls of family homes, protecting and taking care of their inhabitants for generations. Fixing shoes, baking bread for hungry children, that sort of thing. With World War Two decimating so many homes and families, their people found themselves adrift and had come over to Australia looking for a fresh start. Turned out they were great at fixing all kinds of things, be it cars, air conditioners- or computer code. <<< my favorite - I like having these monsters we are not familiar with from the names explained for us. {Reactions} ❤️ (4) 💯 (2) [8/14/2026 7:23 PM] starcryst Critique: I am not sure how to separate them, but I felt early on that I was reading fairy tale MIB and that sort of took me out of the story. Anything you can do to dissolve that association right up front would be welcome. {Reactions} 👍 (3) ❤️ [8/14/2026 7:24 PM] starcryst Generally -- this was a blast to read, I love the HR lady demon creepy eyeball thingy. I'm reading onward. {Reactions} ❤️ (4) 🦾 [8/14/2026 7:24 PM] starcryst DONE [8/14/2026 7:24 PM] starcryst Okie-dokie -- any of our Lurkers ready to step up to the bar??? [8/14/2026 7:25 PM] starcryst We are getting efficient with our feedback! -- @JacobSein_Hellerbard any final words for the room? {Reactions} 👍 (2) [8/14/2026 7:26 PM] hellerbard_36669 This story was actually the sixth or seventh Heller tale I'd written, and this was the first time I'd shown the Bard Group. Prior to this, they kind of existed as a presence, with Evelyn popping in to direct Heller on cases. By that point, most of the stories tended towards the detective {Reactions} ❤️ (7) 🔥 (3) 👏 (4) goblove (3) gobpog (3) 🦾 (2) gobthink (3) [8/14/2026 7:26 PM] hellerbard_36669 Thanks everybody! {Reactions} ❤️ (6) 🔥 (3) 🫂 (2) 💯 (3) 🎉 (2) [8/14/2026 7:26 PM] hellerbard_36669 This has been incredibly helpful on multiple levels {Reactions} ❤️ (4) 😁 (2) [8/14/2026 7:28 PM] hellerbard_36669 I've got some really useful feedback for revising this and future instalments- not to mention the ridiculously supportive comments from y'all. I'm very much in a vacuum at the moment, and this has been my first writer's group experience- thanks for making it such a positive one 😀 {Reactions} ❤️ (7) 🔥 (2) 👍 (2) 💪 (2) ❤️‍🔥 (2) BlobCatHeart (2) 🤗 [8/14/2026 7:28 PM] starcryst Okay that's all for tonight's Write Club -- thank you ALL for coming and sharing your time with our author tonight! {Reactions} ❤️ (3) 🔥 (3) ❤️‍🔥 (3) [8/14/2026 7:29 PM] starcryst Please join us in the #write-club-after-party-july-through-sept-2026 for 2d drinks, 3d people and 4d shameless self-promotion and ALSO a special ANNOUNCEMENT! {Reactions} 👍 😮 [8/14/2026 7:29 PM] hellerbard_36669 https://klipy.com/gifs/tom-hanks-thanks-1 {Embed} https://klipy.com/gifs/tom-hanks-thanks-1 Tom Hanks Thanks https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/external/DAUNZjaEM2AjylkPqp6_cr791d3Ri8eswRVU_nPaxHQ/https/static.klipy.com/ii/39f2394ae36df6e199be9eb7c9fa1012/e1/2d/7oanPdMI.webp {Reactions} 😂 (2) 😆 [8/14/2026 7:29 PM] xenonsteem Everybody said all the stuff but... Favorite line: I’ve lost count of how many drinks I’ve had thrown in my face. That one I don’t mind so much- long as I keep my mouth open. {Reactions} ❤️ [8/14/2026 7:30 PM] xenonsteem That's hardcore. 😁 [8/14/2026 7:36 PM] hellerbard_36669 Cheers, @Ian J Snow! {Reactions} 🥂 [8/14/2026 7:43 PM] camillabokbok I had class. Sad I missed it. 🙁 {Reactions} ❤️ [8/14/2026 7:51 PM] von_a_o We had company. But, I didn't have much critical anyway. Not my genre, much, but I loved the dialogue byplay. Nice and light... even the heavy bits {Reactions} ❤️ [8/14/2026 7:57 PM] hellerbard_36669 Thanks! I love writing dialogue, it's my favourite part of these stories, and the genre in general {Reactions} 👍 [8/14/2026 11:00 PM] hellerbard_36669 Thanks, that means a lot- just having Heller and Co. living in somebody else's head, even for a little while, has made my week. I appreciate you running Write Club for all of us 👍 {Reactions} ❤️ 💯 👍 [8/14/2026 11:03 PM] hellerbard_36669 Thanks for your thoughtful and insightful feedback- I think you've definitely got Sam Heller's brand of good-natured dysfunction figured out. 😁 Glad you liked the story! [8/14/2026 11:08 PM] hellerbard_36669 Yeah, full disclosure? I didn't even know what the hell an em-dash was until I started submitting my stories to places. And me an English teacher 🫪 Of course, by the time I realised what I was doing wrong, suddenly em-dashes became the literary equivalent of the Scarlet Letter, so...🤷 Really need to be better with that, I know it can be distracting. [8/14/2026 11:13 PM] hellerbard_36669 Yeah, I sometimes have a tendency to overexplain- particularly with the more obscure or unfamiliar cryptids. I'm actually looking forward to when I (eventually) put my stories together in a collection. I can streamline some of the lore dumps 📚📚 [8/14/2026 11:18 PM] hellerbard_36669 Thanks, @The Galactic Writer- I'm glad you enjoyed the story! I'm using a three act structure here with each instalment of the serial having Hoshino pick apart one of Heller's cases- which coincidentally highlights some of his biggest flaws. Thanks for the feedback, and the support 🙂 [8/14/2026 11:23 PM] hellerbard_36669 What a lovely compliment 🙂 I love Fables, it's one of my favourite graphic novel series ever. Plus it's Where's Wally for fairytale and folklore nerds. {Reactions} ❤️ 💯 [8/14/2026 11:27 PM] hellerbard_36669 Thanks for the constructive feedback, @DastardlyDrave! Yeah, it's a fine line with the Domovoi. Want to suggest accent and dialect without giving it too much of that whole "In Soviet Russia television watches you" quality, or making it seem like just poor writing. I think the trick might be keeping the language neutral until after I drop the backstory. One you know they're from Eastern Europe, the dialect might hit different. 👍 {Reactions} ❤️ [8/14/2026 11:49 PM] starcryst I'm glad it was worthwhile. 🙂 {Reactions} 👍 [8/15/2026 3:18 PM] t_r3xxx Hey @JacobSein_Hellerbard, late to the party but wanted to add to the praise for your story. I really enjoyed this small glimpse into a big world that you’ve been building through multiple stories, from the looks of it. I loved that the supernatural creatures Heller encounters are “off-brand” monsters (at least for me). No shade to vampires, werewolves, et al, but nice to see some new ones. And the ways you’ve chosen to portray them are funny and imaginative. Favorite moment: I found the domovoi sister holding up her brother and coworker a fun detail. Made me feel like this story is in good hands. Notes: this may be covered in other stories, but I did wonder what makes Heller so good at this very specific kind of work. At least good enough to be employed by Bard, and good enough for them to put up with his attitude. As a first time reader, I could have used a little hint. Another small note: I wanted a little more mystery going into the Fir Bolg case. I may be wrong since I haven’t read ahead yet, but it seems to be playing out exactly as described (drinking too much, attracting law enforcement). Im sure there’s a twist or two coming, but I wouldn’t have minded Heller and Hoshino being a little more cryptic in the way they talked about what happened (make me connect the dots). {Reactions} ❤️ [8/15/2026 3:18 PM] t_r3xxx Great job, looking forward to more! [8/15/2026 3:23 PM] snowpuppie If you've not read Bill Willingham's novel Peter & Max, it's excellent. He's a fabulous story teller and a great character builder, too. Fables is my favorite series, too. I still laugh every time I think of Goldilocks ... 😂 {Reactions} ❤️ [8/15/2026 7:34 PM] loganraith Okay! @JacobSein_Hellerbard I'm back. Jacob, I loved this story, man. Here are my thoughts: {Reactions} 👍 [8/15/2026 7:34 PM] loganraith Fave line: Standing in the door was a tall figure that seemed to eclipse the light from the hallway, leaving only the dim light of the lamps. Female, very wide, with broad shoulders and a blocky profile. Her skin was a deep, deep burnished red- the colour of old, rusted iron. Two pointed tusks curved up along the side of her mouth, which hung wide, exposing a set of pointed front teeth. This coming after the little guy insinuating that HR lady was going to be good-looking was a truly hilarious monent. An instant subversion of expectations, in the best way. Runner-up Her third eye never took its gaze off my face as she read. A truly eerie moment in a piece that's not trying to creep me out. Well done. {Reactions} ❤️ [8/15/2026 7:34 PM] loganraith Fave sequence: The Fir Bolg incident. The way you write in the vernacular of the Fir Bolg really helps envision the way they speak. A lot of writers overdo it, but your handling of it felt just right to me. The solution to the puzzle of how to get rid of them worked well. Wasn't forced. In a longer piece, I would have liked to see it seeded earlier in the story. A flashback of him and his partner on stakeout maybe, and a hint at the song. Not the song itself, but maybe Heller telling Jimmy to shut it. But, for this being the first chapter, I think it works. Also, the dialogue is really good. Very natural. Heller's banter with the Fir Bolg leader was a highlight. {Reactions} ❤️ [8/15/2026 7:37 PM] loganraith Feeback: Just little stuff. Typos here and there. Hyphens where em-dashes should be. An example: "The shadows took overtook me." A leftover word from a previous incarnation of the sentence, I'd guess. Also, right at the top of the piece, "P.I." is missing the second period. This stuck out to me: "I’m not a singer…fortunately, for this old song I didn’t have to be." Just felt a little clunky. The ellipses followed by the lowercase f makes it seem like he's saying it's fortunate that he's not a singer--until you keep reading. I think it would be more effective to either end the first clause with a period, followed by a fresh clause. Or an em-dash, keeping the lowercase f. I'm sure there are other fixes. I'm just spitballing. {Reactions} ❤️ [8/15/2026 7:37 PM] loganraith Overall: Listen, I'm a sucker for this kind of story. I especially liked that you didn't use the really common and, honestly, tired choices for the Hiders. It's something I try to do too in my work. I spend a lot of time researching obscure and under-used creatures and spirits, so I appreciate the effort. The concept of a noir-ish detective investigating the supernatural is a common enough trope (my serial Spirits is in that lane), but I never get tired of it. This gave me Dresden vibes, and even reminded me a little of Spirits (the nicotine and alcohol addictions). I would consider both high praise 🙂 I'll check out the next part soon and leave a comment over on the stack. {Reactions} ❤️ [8/15/2026 7:37 PM] loganraith DONE [8/15/2026 11:30 PM] hellerbard_36669 Yeah, hyphens/ em-dashes and ellipses are my kryptonite. I'm always misusing them or using them too much or in the wrong place. It's one of the first things I do these days after I finish a draft; get out the weedwhacker and go prunin'. {Reactions} 🤣 [8/15/2026 11:38 PM] hellerbard_36669 Thanks @Logan Raith ! I think this says something about Dmitri, to be honest. Despite being about a foot tall, he likes his ladies on the sturdier side 😁 Regarding the third eye watching while eyes two and three read the report? I genuinely forgot that I'd put that in until it was pointed out to me. This is one of things I love about Write Club, it lets me see my work again through other people's eyes, on a line-by-line basis, flaws and good lines and all. {Reactions} ❤️ [8/15/2026 11:51 PM] hellerbard_36669 Cheers, @Logan Raith Dialect and vernacular is something I'm always trying to be careful with. My Sam Heller stories are pulp crime and monster-hunter fiction, but I'm also ( in my own clumsy way ) trying to explore the immigrant experience with my Hiders. Perth is one of the most multicultural places around, and I've spent a good deal of time around people who've come to Australia from all over looking to make new lives for themselves, and not always finding a warm welcome. In my stories, my secondary characters come from Iceland, Ethiopia, Ireland, France, the Philippines, Eastern Europe. I feel like I owe it to them to try not to make them into caricatures. {Reactions} 🔥 [8/15/2026 11:57 PM] hellerbard_36669 I've written about twenty Sam Heller stories and I haven't used a vampire or werewolf once. I enjoy reading about them, but I figure there's a whole world of weird-ass cryptids out there that could use some love. My favourite is actually one I made up, called the Cuniculari. He pops in over in Chapter 3 🐰 as well in a few other stories. Thanks @Logan Raith for all your helpful feedback, this has been such a great experience, and I know my writing is going to be better for it. I look forward to reading more of your stuff on Substack. Cheers! {Reactions} ❤️ [8/16/2026 12:14 AM] hellerbard_36669 Thanks for the recommendation, just ordered it! Yeah, painting Goldilocks as a revolutionary who sleeps with Boo Bear because she refuses to be beholden to the species boundaries imposed by "society"...that was just * * {Reactions} ❤️ [8/16/2026 12:25 AM] hellerbard_36669 Thanks for the feedback @terence ! That's an excellent point about connecting the dots re: the way the story ended with Heller's boozing and the cops. I might look at tweaking their conversation a little, see if I can hint at it a little more subtly 👍 Regarding Heller's "qualifications", that's a little bit of what this story is for. I wanted it to be a jumping on point for new readers to get introduced to the character and his world ( as well as rewarding readers who are already invested. ) I wrote **Unhuman Resources** to follow a three-part structure, where each of the memories Hoshino plumbs during the "interview" explores a different case he's worked for Bard. Each one of which gives us a crash course on Heller's worst- and best- qualities. {Reactions} ❤️ ============================================================== Exported 146 message(s) ==============================================================