============================================================== Guild: Write Club Channel: Archives-2026-August / 08-15-26-rune-knight ============================================================== [7/31/2026 2:33 PM] starcryst @RuneKnight3 story link please! [7/31/2026 2:46 PM] runeknight3 I'll get right on it [7/31/2026 2:49 PM] runeknight3 https://open.substack.com/pub/runeknight3/p/who-is-quentin-fayme?r=2lpkr0&utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=webweb {Embed} https://open.substack.com/pub/runeknight3/p/who-is-quentin-fayme?r=2lpkr0&utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=webweb Who is Quentin Fayme? Urban Fantasy with fangs from the Nocturneverse https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/external/8ehEtnIPc-WaUd7DOE6VVRhdD1EPpz3DpBbjcDewHzY/https/substackcdn.com/image/fetch/%24s_%21KUhD%21%2Cf_auto%2Cq_auto%3Abest%2Cfl_progressive%3Asteep/https%253A%252F%252Fruneknight3.substack.com%252Fapi%252Fv1%252Fpost_preview%252F194159664%252Ftwitter.jpg%253Fversion%253D4 [7/31/2026 2:50 PM] runeknight3 Musical accompaniment for the discerning troublemaker: https://youtu.be/rrwT3bhRz8M?si=wKCwEpjwcw52pRd1 {Embed} The Real Tuesday Weld https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rrwT3bhRz8M Me and Mr Wolf Hello Folks- Thank you so much for all the comments. I love all the theories and ideas about Mr Wolf, The Crooner and Red. Keep 'em coming. I know what it's really about, but it's much more fun to read what YOU think! x Stephen Find our wonderful things - https://therealtuesdayweld.bandcamp.com/merch Join us: https://lp.constantcontactpages.... https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/external/P3Cv0fgJAGkyzY-vrRtxhs1e9clFdq0NudfkGBmjNPg/https/i.ytimg.com/vi/rrwT3bhRz8M/maxresdefault.jpg [8/15/2026 6:20 PM] starcryst @everyone join us here at 7pm EST for tonight's Write Club! You know what to do if you want to help promote our author / story: https://substack.com/@davidtetheredge/note/c-315605233 {Embed} https://substack.com/@davidtetheredge/note/c-315605233 David T Etheredge (@davidtetheredge) Tonight at Write Club, @RuneKnight3’s story Who is Quentin Fayme? / The Wolf and Mister Fox. Join us at 7pm EST at http://writeclub.chat https://runeknight3.substack.com/p/who-is-quentin-fayme https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/external/zyTA8XIy-D7ktZYlAeh14waNH3T0mND-1bQY2IwMKH8/https/substackcdn.com/image/fetch/%24s_%21S6Iw%21%2Cf_auto%2Cq_auto%3Agood%2Cfl_progressive%3Asteep/https%253A%252F%252Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%252Fpublic%252Fimages%252F37712e97-aff5-4dfe-ae38-9e7ad4966534_1672x941.png {Reactions} ❤️ [8/15/2026 6:59 PM] xenonsteem I only had time to get through half the story. I'll drop my thoughts later. [8/15/2026 7:00 PM] xenonsteem My first thought though is... Damn! [8/15/2026 7:00 PM] starcryst https://klipy.com/gifs/my-hero-academia-boku-no-hero-academia-74 {Embed} https://klipy.com/gifs/my-hero-academia-boku-no-hero-academia-74 My Hero Academia: Present Mic's Loud Quirk https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/external/th7VbMjxhdpOIFmvM-RBKhlisNyyZjbPHLsXrCxTtZI/https/static.klipy.com/ii/e293a233a303a98e471f78d04e13a1b0/fa/6e/SXEVPl8o.webp [8/15/2026 7:00 PM] runeknight3 I'm just curious if we're TXT tonight or trying to voice channel again. 😄 [8/15/2026 7:01 PM] starcryst @everyone It's time again for WRITE CLUB Baby! [8/15/2026 7:01 PM] starcryst Text 🙂 [8/15/2026 7:01 PM] starcryst If you are a newcomer tonight, then here is the Chat Format for your pleasure. {Attachments} https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/1532156614742769684/1538321811098304582/Write_Club_Chat_Format.png?ex=6ab8f794&is=6ab7a614&hm=485a1dfa1bc2616a1682d133a73077492f506191aa2b3ba05990e401adace0e5& [8/15/2026 7:01 PM] somedesertrat https://klipy.com/gifs/akiba-maid-senso-otagei {Embed} https://klipy.com/gifs/akiba-maid-senso-otagei Akiba Maid Senso Otagei https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/external/CTz6JLPaOOYlE6uUgcjZ943ZqOtX7LJ6vaJtCksCOzQ/https/static.klipy.com/ii/a8ada81afc59159ea5c8927feffa2e31/f3/dc/3FCsT5Zm2ooNP9AI.webp [8/15/2026 7:02 PM] runeknight3 https://klipy.com/gifs/mha-6 {Embed} https://klipy.com/gifs/mha-6 MHA Izuku Midoriya Head Pat https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/external/_oV7msOlb82KmbeKt854FA5sK3LHBENnxYvniTC2o7k/https/static.klipy.com/ii/8ce8357c78ea940b9c2015daf05ce1a5/99/b1/et8VNFYV.webp [8/15/2026 7:02 PM] starcryst @RuneKnight3 What level of Critique would you prefer? Herbivore or Carnivore? [8/15/2026 7:03 PM] runeknight3 I prefer it to be constructive because I'm well aware there are imperfections and if we don't get the good stuff then we don't get better. I would just ask that rather than rake it over the coals entirely people keep in mind this one was chosen because its self contained and complete, not part of a larger effort or a more massive word count. {Reactions} ❤️ (5) [8/15/2026 7:04 PM] starcryst Okay for everyone in attendance, FELLOW BY FELLOW, HANDS OF YELLOW -- get those Rubber Gloves in the AIR! [8/15/2026 7:04 PM] fictionshroom 👋 {Reactions} 👍 [8/15/2026 7:04 PM] starcryst @✨🍄Fiction Shroom🍄✨ GO! [8/15/2026 7:04 PM] somedesertrat 👋 {Reactions} 👍 [8/15/2026 7:05 PM] starcryst and everyone don't forget to say DONE when your are done! [8/15/2026 7:05 PM] fictionshroom I have a bajillion favorite lines. Be prepared. {Reactions} 👍 [8/15/2026 7:05 PM] snowpuppie 👋 {Reactions} 👍 [8/15/2026 7:05 PM] fictionshroom Red eased herself against the bar like a reclining cat and watched it all unfold with quiet satisfaction. She had slipped the leash. Now it was time to enjoy herself. This does so much, we get the idea right away that she's handled and getting a break and I love the visual of a cat. {Reactions} ❤️ (3) 🔥 💯 [8/15/2026 7:05 PM] starcryst Given the length of the story, I fully expect we'll have stragglers rolling in {Reactions} ❤️ (2) [8/15/2026 7:06 PM] erisindex 👋 {Reactions} 👍 [8/15/2026 7:06 PM] fictionshroom One moment he was walking, the next he was dancing. Not the stiff polite shuffle most men attempted when the band got lively, but the real thing. A frenzy of movement with a predator’s grace and rhythm. Loose shoulders, quick feet, and the kind of grin that promised trouble. This gives me such visuals. I love it. Debonair, intense, and fluid. Very dangerous suave guy. {Reactions} 💯 (5) ❤️ (2) 🔥 mario_luigi_dance (3) [8/15/2026 7:07 PM] fictionshroom The crime scene was surrounded by police tape. Fly paper those in the know called it, since the stuff never kept people away. Lookie loo bait. Ha {Reactions} ❤️ (4) 🔥 (2) 🙌 (2) [8/15/2026 7:08 PM] fictionshroom Favorite scene is when Fayne shows up at Fox's house and we get all this history in the form of banter the back and forth taunting is visceral. And I'm getting such Wesley vs Inigo vibes from the two of them. But with the added low level sinister predator thing going on. I can feel the fox seething. The fight scene was great too. Really well done and dynamic scene. {Reactions} ❤️ 🔥 (2) 🦊 💯 [8/15/2026 7:09 PM] fictionshroom Critique, a little at the beginning were a lot of rapid fire clever descriptors that get me a little overwhelmed. But that could just be preference. A few of them were bangers but it got to be too much after 3 or 4 {Reactions} 💯 👍 [8/15/2026 7:10 PM] fictionshroom DONE [8/15/2026 7:10 PM] starcryst @Carl Price GO! [8/15/2026 7:10 PM] somedesertrat Good use of the 'hard-boiled' dialogue. It was complimentary without being overpowering. Within moments of reading, I already had a good picture of the setting as a Noir-style night club mixed with Red Hot Riding Hood. I expected something akin to the old graphic novel series 'Fables' and wasn't disappointed. The hints of a deeper history of the fairy-tale types (the use of First Wolf) was also a nice touch (and possibly a shoutout to an inspiration source). Quentin Fayme could carry a collection on his own, whether part of another universe or not, despite this being self-contained. {Reactions} 💯 (3) ❤️ (2) 🔥 (2) [8/15/2026 7:10 PM] somedesertrat Fave Line: *>“I’ve heard of you.”* *> “I’m flattered.”* *> “Don’t be.”* We've seen, up to that point, a dashing and debonair Fayme, then a regretful and 'despairing' Fayme. Here is where we clearly see that he's not just a pretty face and moves like Jagger (or in this case Calloway). {Reactions} 🔥 (4) ❤️ (2) 💯 (2) [8/15/2026 7:11 PM] somedesertrat Constructive Criticism: It was difficult to pin down the location, which is a bit of a detriment for Noir-flavored pieces, as the location is as much a character as the people. I don't know if that ambiguity was intentional or not (to evoke a Hidden World style New York/Louisiana/L.A. sense and add to the fairy-tale mystique), but I think this piece overall would benefit from a more clear indicator of the location, even if it's a passing mention at the start. {Reactions} ❤️ (3) [8/15/2026 7:11 PM] somedesertrat Uncertain if it was intentional, but Quentin Fayme read as flat during the initial interview. There was an element of charm in his introduction (especially from the narration when it was Red's 'turn' in the POV) that seemed to be lacking in the aftermath. {Reactions} ❤️ [8/15/2026 7:11 PM] somedesertrat Normally, I don't make comments on such things like 'filter words' ("NOUN felt his/hers...") in narration because it's at time necessary to add that space between the reader and the action, but towards the middle of the scenes (Red noticing Fayme, Fayme's interview with the police), the use of filters became noticeable and distracting. {Reactions} ❤️ (2) [8/15/2026 7:12 PM] somedesertrat DINE -# fuggit, back to the original 🙂 {Reactions} 🍔 ❤️ [8/15/2026 7:12 PM] starcryst https://klipy.com/gifs/kirby-hungry-3 {Embed} https://klipy.com/gifs/kirby-hungry-3 Kirby Devours a Huge Meal https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/external/ZEYm6Fzvw0BYZsVzvJ3nxUMVLiuWl2xq8wjlWn1ytao/https/static.klipy.com/ii/35ccce3d852f7995dd2da910f2abd795/c4/be/hWF25WG6.webp {Reactions} 🤣 (3) [8/15/2026 7:13 PM] starcryst @Lisa N Snowe GO! [8/15/2026 7:13 PM] runeknight3 We eatin' good tonight? LOL {Reactions} 🤣 (2) [8/15/2026 7:13 PM] starcryst he said DINE [8/15/2026 7:13 PM] snowpuppie Favorite Line (s): Gold light dripped from the fixtures and the air was thick with brass music and laughter. Couples spun across the dance floor, bright sparks from a grinder. Bourbon floated over everything. Mortals were fragile creatures. He knew that better than most. Yet they burned with such fierce little sparks of joy that it was hard not to admire them. Loved this description. The centuries changed the costumes but not the pattern. Only the outsiders were truly free, and their lives were cruelest of all. Fayme wasn’t a sellout, not really, he just enjoyed creature comforts. These passages, and ones like them, create a visceral and tactile setting. They immediately swept me farther into the story and made me intensely curious to discover where the story was going. {Reactions} ❤️ (2) 🔥 (3) [8/15/2026 7:13 PM] snowpuppie Favorite Scene: The entire Entienne scene, particularly, "Etienne Morel had the narrow face and delicate hands of a man who spent his life coaxing secrets from glass bottles. Removing his spectacles, polished them with a handkerchief of his own, and put them back on again as though the object might change under closer inspection. “You are aware I deal in wine, not surgery?” he asked." He was such an interesting character. I immediately wanted to know more about him and who he was. {Reactions} 🔥 (2) [8/15/2026 7:14 PM] snowpuppie Critique: The first half had some lovely descriptive prose like I mentioned, but as the story went on in that first half, it felt like it had almost too many similar structured scene setting sentences? Perhaps varying the structure, or cutting back a bit on the descriptive passages would have helped. It was a fairly long read, and so I didn't give the 2nd half the full attention it deserved. I am not a Substack veteran, so take this with a grain of salt: perhaps splitting it up in parts would be more digestible to Substack audiences? {Reactions} 👍 (4) [8/15/2026 7:14 PM] snowpuppie Question for the Author: You mentioned you've had this story for awhile - how long have you been working on it? [8/15/2026 7:14 PM] snowpuppie DONE [8/15/2026 7:14 PM] starcryst @Eris Index GO! [8/15/2026 7:15 PM] erisindex Favorite lines: –“Then the kitchen doors burst open, and a wolf came out laughing.”– One hell of an entrance right here. You don’t stop to introduce him in a giant paragraph and tell us how we should feel about him. You trust us, and show us how we should feel about him. {Reactions} 🔥 (3) [8/15/2026 7:15 PM] erisindex –“Not recognition of her name. Recognition of the hunt.”-- This line does a ridiculous amount of work. You change the entire stare-down from attraction to something animal, criminal, and fun. I also liked the fact that she understands what he’s doing. {Reactions} 🔥 (3) [8/15/2026 7:15 PM] erisindex –“They do all this knowing how short the story is.”-- Probably my fav quiet little line. Fayme has been all movement, ego, flirting, etc., and then this little piece slips through, and suddenly it’s much colder, sadder, behind the words. {Reactions} ❤️ (4) 💪 [8/15/2026 7:15 PM] starcryst okay anyone else for feedback before I go? I see many a-lurker out there. 🙂 [8/15/2026 7:15 PM] erisindex Favorite scene: Easily the dance, not because it’s fun. I like it because it’s a crafty way to do some character work. Both characters have a good conversation without much effort on the dialogue. Body language is the best dialogue, I think. Pushing, resisting, adjusting, slipping away. This also refreshed a bit of the craft for me, just by reading it. I also enjoyed the scene after Red disappears. Getting a bit of a perspective shift, things are different, and I enjoyed that. {Reactions} 🔥 💯 (3) [8/15/2026 7:16 PM] erisindex Criticism: I think the wolf/chase/hunt bits could be trimmed. I understood what was going on very quickly. I don’t think readers need so many reminders that he's feral, hunting, testing scent, wolfish. You also explain after the body language shows us the attraction. You don’t need to explain it afterward. {Reactions} 💯 (4) 👍 (2) [8/15/2026 7:16 PM] erisindex Overall: I enjoyed this because it wasn’t built on dialogue, but on attraction and body language. I think that gives the story some extra umf. Your character work is bomb too, which made it easy to enjoy the story. {Reactions} 💯 (5) [8/15/2026 7:16 PM] erisindex Question: Is the hunting imagery how these two are attracted to each other, or is there something supernatural going on? DONE. [8/15/2026 7:16 PM] runeknight3 Its often a matter that I will have a character in the stable for years, but not have a story for them, as though they have to get comfortable enough to tell me. This one came very quickly, but once written I sat on it because I know it's not "just right", but I also wanted to get it out there and get this kind of input. I actually wrote this in about three feverish days once it started. As to how long Fayme has been there? Quentin's been in my brain since like 1999 maybe? {Reactions} ❤️ (4) 👍 (3) 🔥 (2) [8/15/2026 7:17 PM] fictionshroom Love this [8/15/2026 7:17 PM] starcryst While I go, please raise your hand if you are ready to share your feedback. [8/15/2026 7:17 PM] starcryst okay lots of favorite lines [8/15/2026 7:17 PM] starcryst Best Line(s): Gold light dripped from the fixtures and the air was thick with brass music and laughter. Couples spun across the dance floor, bright sparks from a grinder. Bourbon floated over everything. {Reactions} ❤️ (3) 🔥 (3) 💯 [8/15/2026 7:18 PM] starcryst Love love love this line. All of it {Reactions} ❤️ 🔥 💯 [8/15/2026 7:18 PM] starcryst One moment he was walking, the next he was dancing. Not the stiff polite shuffle most men attempted when the band got lively, but the real thing. A frenzy of movement with a predator’s grace and rhythm. Loose shoulders, quick feet, and the kind of grin that promised trouble. <<< great sequence and this triple earns it place. {Reactions} ❤️ (5) 🔥 (2) 💯 (2) [8/15/2026 7:18 PM] starcryst I'll discuss the Triple (and Quadruple) phrase mechanism in a minute under critiques, but this one was strong. {Reactions} 👍 (2) [8/15/2026 7:19 PM] starcryst The answer came easily, but Red noticed something else beneath the grin. A restless edge. Like a creature that had once been caged too long and never quite forgot the feel of iron. <<< lovely characterization. {Reactions} 💯 (4) ❤️ (3) [8/15/2026 7:19 PM] starcryst “The trials and tribulations of being a man of leisure.” <<< this guy is a lot of fun. Great character. [8/15/2026 7:19 PM] starcryst I'd like to have his problems {Reactions} 👍 (2) 💯 (2) ☝️ (2) [8/15/2026 7:19 PM] starcryst A human would never see it. A human could never scent it. Yet, she was still there. Fayme could smell her where she lay, where she bled. <<< loved this line as well and the fact that he's apparently going to solve the crime using his Wolf senses. {Reactions} ❤️ (2) [8/15/2026 7:20 PM] runeknight3 It was actually an attempt to evoke the wolf-like personality of the character and ease the reader into thinking not just with visuals but with scent and sound. Often when a nonhuman or animal character is done it's parsed in a human way or a television way. I really wanted the reader to realize that in the same way Bruce Wayne is the disguise for Batman, the human appearance is something that Quentin assumes to interact with us. He never stops being a wolf really, and its a disguise he can throw off or put on at a moment's notice. {Reactions} ❤️ (4) 🔥 (2) [8/15/2026 7:20 PM] starcryst The idea that he's using his hyper senses for crime solving work is cool AF. {Reactions} ❤️ (3) 🔥 (3) [8/15/2026 7:20 PM] meganmarrow_40655 👋 [8/15/2026 7:20 PM] starcryst His form had hardened and grown in muscle mass. His chin had grown mutton chops as his hackles rose. <<< I've got big Tony Tony Chopper vibes going on here. Nice framing so we know this guy isn't going to be a push over for the big bad wolf. {Reactions} 🔥 (2) ❤️ (3) [8/15/2026 7:20 PM] starcryst and my favorite sequence of all: [8/15/2026 7:20 PM] starcryst “Don’t be.” Fayme glowered, then glanced at the woman. “Go home. Now.” “I wasn’t quite done with that.” Mr. Fox remarked disappointed. <<< loved this humor / horror {Reactions} 🔥 (2) ❤️ (2) ☝️ (4) 🙌 (2) [8/15/2026 7:21 PM] starcryst Critique: Use of triple / quadruple lists -- there are three this + this + that (+this) in the first three paragraphs. There are exceptionally well crafted lines in this piece (Gold light dripped...), so I'd like to see some of the triplets replaced with linear prose. {Reactions} 💪 💯 (2) [8/15/2026 7:21 PM] starcryst Then their eyes met and he forgot everything else. <<< POV shift? Intentional? If not, maybe "he seemed to forget..." {Reactions} 💯 (2) [8/15/2026 7:21 PM] starcryst Adjusting his tie, the wolf crossed the floor toward her with the easy sway of a man who knew the room belonged to him. Not in the arrogant way some men carried themselves when they owned the deed to a building, but in the quieter way of a creature who understood the rhythm of a place and moved with it. <<< this is the 2nd time we've gotten the "he owned the place bit -- maybe cut one?" {Reactions} ❤️ (2) [8/15/2026 7:22 PM] starcryst Question -  crushed against her as their faces disappeared in the curtain of her strawberry blonde hair. <<< isn't she below him? She pulled him down to her. [8/15/2026 7:22 PM] starcryst DONE [8/15/2026 7:22 PM] starcryst @MEGAN MARROW GO! [8/15/2026 7:23 PM] meganmarrow_40655 Fav line: This one, the tall dark number her mother warned her about, didn’t even know she was there yet. He was too busy devouring the night for everything it could give. {Reactions} ❤️ (3) 🔥 (3) 🙌 (3) 👍 [8/15/2026 7:23 PM] meganmarrow_40655 That is so delicious {Reactions} 🔥 💯 [8/15/2026 7:23 PM] meganmarrow_40655 The romantasy girl in me was just eating this uo {Reactions} ❤️ (4) 🔥 (3) [8/15/2026 7:23 PM] meganmarrow_40655 Up [8/15/2026 7:23 PM] meganmarrow_40655 I was enthralled from the get go. Red’s character was so alive and enticing and you just wanted her to be free and flirt with this man. Like you could just feel her motivation {Reactions} ❤️ (2) 🔥 (2) [8/15/2026 7:24 PM] meganmarrow_40655 Just by the line of her slipping her leash {Reactions} ❤️ 🔥 (3) 💯 (2) [8/15/2026 7:24 PM] meganmarrow_40655 Bravo [8/15/2026 7:24 PM] meganmarrow_40655 I was taking notes [8/15/2026 7:24 PM] camillabokbok 👋 {Reactions} 👍 💯 [8/15/2026 7:24 PM] meganmarrow_40655 I loved their chemistry so naturally I was also shocked when she died and angry right along with him. {Reactions} this (2) 💯 (4) 🥺 [8/15/2026 7:25 PM] meganmarrow_40655 I really love this story and I am hooked. My only critiques is the length and the flow a bit. I think breaking it up would still give you the story but allow you to pull the reader along. I had to take many breaks and my attention drifted. And I think it almost does the story a disservice because there are sooooo many scenes {Reactions} 💯 (4) this (5) [8/15/2026 7:25 PM] meganmarrow_40655 I think you could tighten it form a scene structure stand point like the dancing could even be shortened a tad [8/15/2026 7:25 PM] meganmarrow_40655 And it will all pack more punch {Reactions} ❤️ (2) 👍 (3) 🔥 (2) [8/15/2026 7:26 PM] meganmarrow_40655 I’m a fan! {Reactions} ❤️ (4) 💯 (3) [8/15/2026 7:26 PM] meganmarrow_40655 done [8/15/2026 7:26 PM] starcryst @camillabokbok GO! [8/15/2026 7:28 PM] starcryst @RuneKnight3 I frankly didn't get to the end because I had 30 minutes allocated to read it and that only got me a little over half way. I'd love it if you split it in half and submitted the 2nd half for September. 🙂 {Reactions} 👍 (4) [8/15/2026 7:29 PM] camillabokbok I just have one question to Rune. Dude WHO ARE YOU? Do you dance? Because I danced with you. Do you fence? Because my step dad is a fencer and this house is full of swords... omg, her death, I had to stop to mourn her. I will follow your writing now to the death. Done. I just finished reading. I'm shook. {Reactions} ❤️ (3) 🔥 (2) [8/15/2026 7:30 PM] meganmarrow_40655 I also want to know if youndance salsa? {Reactions} 👍 (2) [8/15/2026 7:30 PM] meganmarrow_40655 This felt like salsa to me [8/15/2026 7:30 PM] starcryst @RuneKnight3 any last words for the room before we hit the bar? [8/15/2026 7:30 PM] meganmarrow_40655 Yeah what inspired you to write this story?? [8/15/2026 7:30 PM] somedesertrat Maybe a samba [8/15/2026 7:31 PM] meganmarrow_40655 (Sorry so many questions!) [8/15/2026 7:31 PM] starcryst did I miss anyone who wanted to go? [8/15/2026 7:31 PM] meganmarrow_40655 Ah yes. Def samba [8/15/2026 7:31 PM] starcryst I'm a West Coast Swing man myself... [8/15/2026 7:32 PM] lauriemacnorcal_28850 I didn't finish but will leave comments for you later, Rune. So glad you finally threw your hat into the proverbial ring!! {Reactions} 💯 ❤️ (2) [8/15/2026 7:32 PM] camillabokbok I watched the music video right after the girl's death to cope. {Reactions} ❤️ [8/15/2026 7:32 PM] meganmarrow_40655 I haven’t made it to the video yet [8/15/2026 7:33 PM] lauriemacnorcal_28850 music video? [8/15/2026 7:33 PM] camillabokbok Right below the link to Substack {Reactions} 👍 [8/15/2026 7:33 PM] somedesertrat https://discord.com/channels/1521624267135909969/1532156614742769684/1532822845099475074 {Reactions} 👍 [8/15/2026 7:35 PM] meganmarrow_40655 Oh wow that’s catchy [8/15/2026 7:35 PM] runeknight3 I'll answer those last couple questions: 1. I'm just someone who has spent more time struggling to get good at the craft than talking about wanting to do the craft. I still have things to work on, but this get together has been really good - not only because people were very supportive - but because over time the errors seem to all be in the same place: the start where I'm still finding the flow, and the line/structure itself. There were very few critiques of pacing or length besides it needed some tightening up and would be helped if it were trimmed a bit. Will I break it in half and resub? Probably not, but I might make a follow up tale for next month if I can. 2. Do I dance or fence? In my youth I used to do some HEMA recreation, but I am actually a disabled person and I have two left feet. I can't dance or fence with any real quality no matter how much I want to, just like I can't be a globe trotting adventurer or a bad ass combatant. That's why I write about characters who do the things I can't. @MEGAN MARROW I'll tell you about my inspo privately if you like. {Reactions} ❤️ (4) [8/15/2026 7:36 PM] meganmarrow_40655 Sure! Well I used to dance and you nailed it. ❤️❤️ [8/15/2026 7:37 PM] starcryst Thank you all for joining in tonight's WRITE CLUB! As soon as we see tonight's special cocktail and get drinks, we'll be announcing the 2nd ROFL EMOTI winner in the #write-club-after-party-july-through-sept-2026. Join us there for the fun! {Reactions} 👏 🔥 [8/15/2026 7:38 PM] camillabokbok Wow, Rune, thank you. In my world, you dance with the stars ✨ {Reactions} ❤️ (2) [8/15/2026 8:23 PM] krislynlyon Just finished reading. I'm stunned. That was epic in so many ways. It started out great...and then it somehow got better???? Twists, turns, romance, mystery, angst, revenge--A FOLK LORE TIE IN???? Bro are you trying for a Pulitzer what is happening???? That's the most banging short story I've read all week, AND IVE READ A LOT OF SHORT STORIES THIS WEEK! Favorite part was when they started fighting over archetypes. They're both predators, but people always love the wolf. Absolute genius; sitting over here shook. {Reactions} ❤️ 💯 [8/15/2026 8:50 PM] camillabokbok @Krislyn Lyon "I'm shook" were my words too. 🤜🤛 {Reactions} ❤️ [8/20/2026 4:38 PM] lammbbb Finally finished reading this one, gods-be-praised. I loved it! Very much Raymond Chandler, dark and seedy. I loved every minute of it. I can't praise it highly enough, definitely a stand-out to me. {Reactions} ❤️ [8/20/2026 4:41 PM] lammbbb My criticism is mostly around the uncertain era; it feels like it takes place in three different time periods at once. There's a lot of sort of Depression-era or Temperance/Prohibition vibes on the nose of it, then later it feels more post-war. Of course as we go on the Fox mentions he has made his house look like the manor from Dark Shadows; which means it's the television age [8/20/2026 4:42 PM] lammbbb In a way it lends itself well to the ageless nature of the principal characters but at the same time it's hungry for something a little more thematically consistent. I think this could be easy to fix by just showing us the most advanced technology of the time period the story takes place in at the beginning [8/20/2026 4:42 PM] lammbbb Girls pawing at smart phones while they wait in line to get in, for instance [8/20/2026 4:43 PM] lammbbb Or if it's not so modern as that, checking their beepers [8/20/2026 4:43 PM] lammbbb Or if it's not so modern as that, sorting their dance cards [8/20/2026 4:43 PM] lammbbb etc [8/20/2026 4:45 PM] lammbbb With regards to the fencing scene, it was marvelous. Errol Flynn and Basil Rathbone both stage greats with the sword in their time; and I would highly recommend Tyrone Power among their ranks as well-- really he could replace Flynn because Power and Rathbone are true swordsmen while Flynn was kind of using dancing techniques in a way [8/20/2026 4:45 PM] lammbbb I loved the whole sequence [8/20/2026 4:46 PM] lammbbb If you wanted a technical criticism, it is that calling the weapon a 'fencing foil' is technically incorrect in this way [8/20/2026 4:46 PM] lammbbb I'll dig up the passage and show you what I mean [8/20/2026 4:47 PM] lammbbb You write: "He sprang back and whipped a fencing foil off of the wall, revealing it was not decorative as Fayme had assumed, but very real." [8/20/2026 4:48 PM] lammbbb But if it is for fencing, then even if it is not decorative it is still not sharp [8/20/2026 4:49 PM] lammbbb The foil is a facsimile of the smallsword, a thrusting weapon the French nobility often used in duels until they all got their heads lopped off [8/20/2026 4:50 PM] lammbbb Well it stayed around some time after that, but that's its own essay. Anyway, in the context of the story calling it a fencing foil first is like saying "it was a dull sword, but not a decorative dull sword but rather a real dull sword for training with that could stand up to sparring" [8/20/2026 4:51 PM] lammbbb Better to say something like, "He whipped a long slender sword from the wall. Up close it was clear that it was neither decorative, nor a foil for sparring-- in fact the genuine article." {Reactions} ❤️ [8/20/2026 4:51 PM] lammbbb Anyway that's just a silly nitpick [8/20/2026 4:53 PM] lammbbb I like the ending as well, Fayme calling the cops when he could easily run the guy through. The piece comes to a nice end with this wolf character kind of seeing a reminder of the blood price mortals pay and deciding not to charge it himself {Reactions} ❤️ ============================================================== Exported 138 message(s) ==============================================================