============================================================== Guild: Write Club Channel: Archives-2026-August / 08-20-26-kiyoka-oda ============================================================== [8/11/2026 10:30 PM] shikanokoshitantan https://open.substack.com/pub/kiyokaoda/p/the-yokai-chronicles-564?r=8oyh2g&utm_medium=ios {Embed} https://open.substack.com/pub/kiyokaoda/p/the-yokai-chronicles-564?r=8oyh2g&utm_medium=ios The Yokai Chronicles Chapter 2: Shika https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/external/v0j_4P6YsknoGYzJx4WZLrSBiclmZ91tiuS4X_uGk-o/https/substackcdn.com/image/fetch/%24s_%21py9h%21%2Cf_auto%2Cq_auto%3Abest%2Cfl_progressive%3Asteep/https%253A%252F%252Fkiyokaoda.substack.com%252Fapi%252Fv1%252Fpost_preview%252F205510349%252Ftwitter.jpg%253Fversion%253D4 [8/19/2026 8:07 PM] starcryst {Attachments} https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/1536890343457296394/1539787833022353428/16af6a38-07c9-4be8-acc1-b7eea42a9c0f.png?ex=6ab906eb&is=6ab7b56b&hm=8cd533ce35bdb8a8707f370dcce3d9e14a4f8a242989c4ba3bc7a87d60ae82c8& {Reactions} ❤️ (2) 🔥 (3) [8/19/2026 8:07 PM] starcryst @彼鹿🫎 [8/19/2026 8:18 PM] shikanokoshitantan Sick! [8/19/2026 8:27 PM] .revanarchy Eek! Hopefully I sleep ok tonight so Im ready for this! [8/19/2026 8:52 PM] shikanokoshitantan im really hoping i could meet your expectations {Reactions} ❤️ [8/20/2026 6:20 PM] starcryst @everyone please join us at 7pm EST for the 2nd chapter of @彼鹿🫎's fantasy epic. If you want to help promote it click and restack below. Thank you! https://substack.com/profile/408299644-david-t-etheredge/note/c-319122325 {Embed} https://substack.com/profile/408299644-david-t-etheredge/note/c-319122325 David T Etheredge (@davidtetheredge) Join us at Write Club tonight for @Kiyoka Oda’s epic fantasy The Yokai Chronicles, Chapter 2: Shika at 7pm EST at WriteClub.Chat https://kiyokaoda.substack.com/p/the-yokai-chronicles-564 https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/external/bI8dMUtv8xekZI4WFZ3Von3wCzKcv-9bq8yoWfhTaG8/https/substackcdn.com/image/fetch/%24s_%213I3z%21%2Cf_auto%2Cq_auto%3Agood%2Cfl_progressive%3Asteep/https%253A%252F%252Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%252Fpublic%252Fimages%252F914a6173-2850-49ad-a2a0-8c8586913437_1731x909.png [8/20/2026 6:43 PM] t_r3xxx Sorry I’ll have to miss this, dammit. I’ll jump on later with feedback. Break a leg! {Reactions} ❤️ (3) [8/20/2026 7:00 PM] starcryst https://klipy.com/gifs/mha-bnha-45 {Embed} https://klipy.com/gifs/mha-bnha-45 Mha Bnha https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/external/kDqLTUI20uWXtk3zHa_Q2xD4LBru8yfz40-EzzqO6t8/https/static.klipy.com/ii/4493325008d34b7bf8cd6813cd5c1619/69/fa/vQrMiqFhgvxe3.webp {Reactions} ❤️ 🔥 (2) [8/20/2026 7:00 PM] starcryst @everyone It's time for WRITE CLUB! [8/20/2026 7:00 PM] somedesertrat https://klipy.com/gifs/my-deer-friend-nokotan-anime-girl-dance {Embed} https://klipy.com/gifs/my-deer-friend-nokotan-anime-girl-dance My Deer Friend Nokotan & Shikanoko Nokonoko Dance https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/external/oibMw_Rn5OIhq3Ezfp7a6pg-FyNjbqu57T5tT3ddquM/https/static.klipy.com/ii/4e7bea9f7a3371424e6c16ebc93252fe/67/89/oqY5I1dUTUNK.webp {Reactions} ❤️ (2) 🤣 (3) [8/20/2026 7:01 PM] starcryst NICE! {Reactions} 👍 [8/20/2026 7:01 PM] shikanokoshitantan https://klipy.com/gifs/noko-kanoko-anime {Embed} https://klipy.com/gifs/noko-kanoko-anime Noko Kanoko Anime: My Deer Friend Nokotan https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/external/_gym1fhBiT_nfSfSXXQz-Ia0y5FqzZFHo14OsVVnkwM/https/static.klipy.com/ii/4e7bea9f7a3371424e6c16ebc93252fe/40/10/hNdbox4Og2E43Rzz.webp {Reactions} 🤣 [8/20/2026 7:01 PM] somedesertrat That was my other option [8/20/2026 7:01 PM] starcryst If you are new to Write Club -- WELCOME. [8/20/2026 7:01 PM] starcryst You joined us on a great night with a fantastic story! [8/20/2026 7:02 PM] starcryst If you didn't get a chance to read it, that's okay, you can come back after you do and share your thoughts whenever its convenient. [8/20/2026 7:02 PM] starcryst Here is the chat format for tonight: {Attachments} https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/1536890343457296394/1540133927778259075/Write_Club_Chat_Format.png?ex=6ab8f7be&is=6ab7a63e&hm=183f4074721246820b7381781810d097cf931e43e80d9f530df04807d445271c& [8/20/2026 7:02 PM] .revanarchy 👋 [8/20/2026 7:03 PM] somedesertrat 👋 [8/20/2026 7:03 PM] vaelinshadowbloom ✋ [8/20/2026 7:03 PM] starcryst @彼鹿🫎 what kind of feedback tonight? Care Bear or Full Frontal? [8/20/2026 7:03 PM] shikanokoshitantan I’m soft but feel free to break me {Reactions} ❤️ [8/20/2026 7:03 PM] starcryst and everyone who is ready to share feedback please raise your emoji-hand [8/20/2026 7:03 PM] starcryst I do NOT believe you! {Reactions} 🦌 💯 [8/20/2026 7:04 PM] starcryst Strong like Willow! [8/20/2026 7:04 PM] starcryst Okay here we go and don't forget to say DONE when you are finished! [8/20/2026 7:04 PM] starcryst @Joshua Bader GO! [8/20/2026 7:04 PM] erisindex 👋 [8/20/2026 7:04 PM] .revanarchy Favorite Line: Best go back a chapter setup ever. The undergrowth was thick and lush for the season, ferns and moss in a green so saturated it looked wet even when it wasn’t. Instead, he built a fire close enough to warm her without smoking her eyes and lay down beside her in the bracken with his arm across her neck, the way he had not done since he was a boy too young to understand that a lord does not embrace his horse in front of retainers. “Oh, fish.” She tilted her head, considering it with the gravity of a much larger decision. “You wanna hunt ‘em or rob ‘em?” {Reactions} ❤️ (2) 🔥 (2) [8/20/2026 7:05 PM] .revanarchy Best Scene: Everything with Nobu and the discussion of the pork cutlet bowl empire {Reactions} 💗 (2) [8/20/2026 7:05 PM] .revanarchy Criticism: Do I have to? It's a 10/10 chapter. It's a little long, but not unreasonable. The buttons and images fall in some weird places. I would move all the buttons to the bottom. {Reactions} 💗 (3) [8/20/2026 7:05 PM] .revanarchy Question: Is it intentional that she knows about katsu and katsudon as part of a kami thing? Or does he know what they are too? Are we pretending that katsu is much older than the first documented appearances of it? (For context, Google says katsu first appeared in 1899 and katsudon was 20th century.) [8/20/2026 7:05 PM] .revanarchy Done [8/20/2026 7:06 PM] shikanokoshitantan Yes… it was a modern joke and an arm twist. I was afraid I would get called out 😅 [8/20/2026 7:06 PM] starcryst @Carl Price GO! [8/20/2026 7:06 PM] somedesertrat THE RETURN OF THE DEER PORK CUTLET! Okay, with that out of the way... {Reactions} 🤣 (2) [8/20/2026 7:07 PM] .revanarchy Im totally down with a kami pulling a Robin Williams Genie joke {Reactions} ❤️ 🤣 [8/20/2026 7:07 PM] somedesertrat I like how this continuation was written in a way that did not require me to go back and refamiliarize myself with Shika and Katsuyori. You have a nice, smooth transition between what **had** happened and what **is** happening. I found this once again a very easy read that was structured more lyrically than anything else. Even though the out of time jokes might seem odd, with Shika being a *kami* I can still buy into it. [8/20/2026 7:07 PM] somedesertrat Fave Scene: The 'discussion' between Nobu and Katsuyori. On top of the weirdness Katsuyori experiences after spotting Shika, journeying into the woods after her after slicing off his topknot and bedding down with a wounded animal--the fact that Nobu is no so matter of fact just adds to the bizarre humor I envisioned. [8/20/2026 7:07 PM] somedesertrat > *She is the protector of this forest,* Nobu said. *And of the deer in it. Five hundred years, by my understanding, though I am new enough to this not to know if that number impresses anyone.* Yes, buddy. You are a horse. In Sengoku-Era Japan. yesterday you were just clip-clopping around, then your leg gets broken, and now a kami has instilled sentience and sapience upon you. We can forgive you not understanding numbers. [8/20/2026 7:08 PM] somedesertrat Constructive Criticism: Even though it's used sparsely throughout, the contemporary slang ('unc') did take me out of the setting. While I know it's there to add flavor to the character of Shika and to provide a sense of timelessness to her, I still found its presence distracting because it was 'too modern' (if that makes sense). [8/20/2026 7:08 PM] somedesertrat Side note: There is a repeated like towards the end: **Then he crossed the small distance between them and held her. Then he crossed the small distance between them and held her.** that I spent too long inspecting to see if I had missed some subtext. [8/20/2026 7:08 PM] somedesertrat DONE [8/20/2026 7:08 PM] starcryst @Kris Buckel Up BUCKaroos! GO! [8/20/2026 7:09 PM] shikanokoshitantan I was translating this between English and Japanese and we have おじちゃん which is unc. I may go back to uncle [8/20/2026 7:09 PM] shikanokoshitantan I fixed that. Was embarrassing 😳 [8/20/2026 7:09 PM] somedesertrat I can dig it. {Reactions} 💗 [8/20/2026 7:09 PM] vaelinshadowbloom (like I've never heard that before ;P) Fav line - Nobu 信. Loyalty. The kind of name a man gives an animal when he intends to keep faith with it for as long as they both live. Favorite scene - When he woke up and the horse wasn't there. It was magical, the prose was beautiful, and it made me wonder what kind of world we're living in. Critique - I've already talked to our esteemed author a little about their work, and my only real critique is that it's a voice I'm not used to; very formal. It seems to be intentional, so this is a Reader Issue, not a writer one, but it's something to be aware of. It's beautiful prose though, but be aware that sometimes it can get wordy such as the waterfall scene, the description does go on for awhile. Otherwise, well done, I look forward to reading more! {Reactions} 💗 [8/20/2026 7:10 PM] starcryst @Eris Index GO! [8/20/2026 7:11 PM] erisindex Fav lines: “There was no one left to perform dignity for.” This one is so damn good because of all of the things it’s saying other than “he was alone.” No more honor, no more rank. Dignity and responsibilities? Nope. Expectation? Bleh. Suddenly there’s no one to watch him do anything. His entire life was built by those things and that line strips it all away. [8/20/2026 7:11 PM] erisindex “He went looking for water, because looking for water was a thing a sane man did.” I love this. It’s quiet, but it tells me where his head’s at. His world doesn’t make sense right now. But yeah, let’s skip that weird part and go straight to fetching water. [8/20/2026 7:11 PM] erisindex “It was the closest I have felt to her since the report reached me, and it was also the cruelest thing anyone has done for me in a very long time.” Yeppp. This one hurt. {Reactions} 💗 [8/20/2026 7:11 PM] erisindex Favorite scenes: My first favorite moment is Nobu being healed. Not just because the magic horse healing is cool, lol. It upends everything he thinks he knows. Usually, a shattered leg means death, or so he thinks, and he’s already made peace with losing her. Then there she is, walking around like nothing happened. [8/20/2026 7:11 PM] shikanokoshitantan I recommend my recent vampire blue balls story for a mental break from the overly formal prose 😅 @Kris Buckel [8/20/2026 7:11 PM] erisindex My second is the scene where Shika takes Keirin’in’s shape. That whole thing is brutal because the physical details sell it. The warmth, the voice, and the scar, especially, got me: Like, no. Don’t do that, but also yesss, do it. Then, the second it disappears, the illusion becomes cruel. [8/20/2026 7:12 PM] erisindex Criticism: I’d trim a little of the explanation around his grief and disbelief. You’re already very good at showing both through what he does, won’t do, etc. A few places explain something I’d already gotten from the scene. I also think Shika’s humor works best when it lands unexpectedly. There are enough “unc,” food jokes, and little jabs that I’d maybe pull back on one or two so the stronger ones hit harder instead of all competing for the same thing. {Reactions} this (2) 💗 [8/20/2026 7:12 PM] erisindex Overall, I liked this. There’s grief without it being over the top; Shika keeps it from turning into nothing but misery. The supernatural stuff worked really well for me and changed some of the meaning behind the emotional scenes. [8/20/2026 7:12 PM] erisindex Question: Is she imitating a person from someone else’s memory or using something real that still exists of that person? Done [8/20/2026 7:13 PM] starcryst Do we have any lurkers who want to provide feedback? [8/20/2026 7:13 PM] starcryst If so you'll have plenty of time to prepare while I go and GUSH all over this story [8/20/2026 7:13 PM] rubygs Ooooh me I came in late [8/20/2026 7:14 PM] starcryst you need a minute or you ready now Ruby? [8/20/2026 7:14 PM] shikanokoshitantan It’s an epic fantasy that would require me to spoil what she really is. Happy to dm you if you would like to find out more [8/20/2026 7:14 PM] rubygs Google docs wont let me access my notes but my favorite scene was the imitation of his loved one {Reactions} 💗 [8/20/2026 7:14 PM] rubygs Well done overall [8/20/2026 7:15 PM] rubygs I'm glad the horse didn't die, I was low key about to rage quitn🤣 {Reactions} 🤣 [8/20/2026 7:15 PM] rubygs Done [8/20/2026 7:15 PM] shikanokoshitantan No animals die in my stories. People, a lot. {Reactions} 🔥 (3) ❤️ (2) [8/20/2026 7:15 PM] rubygs You are my vibe lol {Reactions} 🔥 🦐 🦌 [8/20/2026 7:15 PM] starcryst okay if you are still reading get your hand up while I'm doing my feedback [8/20/2026 7:16 PM] starcryst Best lines: He built his hut at the base of one of the largest trees, using what skills a lord’s son acquires by accident from watching retainers and servants and never expecting to need the knowledge himself. {Reactions} ❤️ [8/20/2026 7:16 PM] .revanarchy As it should be. {Reactions} ❤️‍🔥 (2) [8/20/2026 7:16 PM] starcryst I loved this bit -- where we establish he has little to no idea what he's doing {Reactions} ❤️ (3) 🔥 [8/20/2026 7:16 PM] starcryst “I’m sorry,” he told her, which was a strange thing to say to an animal, and stranger still that it felt necessary regardless. <<< this hurt me. {Reactions} ❤️ (2) 🔥 🥹 [8/20/2026 7:17 PM] starcryst He went looking for water, because looking for water was a thing a sane man did. <<< when there is nothing else to do, do the mundane and keep living. {Reactions} ❤️ (2) 🔥 💯 [8/20/2026 7:17 PM] starcryst She was being ridden, slowly, along the riverbank, by the girl from the cedar grove. The yukata. The antlers. He would have known her from any distance. <<< Yay!!! Fuck John Wick - thank you for not killing Nobu! {Reactions} ❤️ (3) 🤣 (3) [8/20/2026 7:18 PM] starcryst _I like deer more than fried cutlet._ <<< Loved the name pun - so Japanese character humor. {Reactions} ❤️ [8/20/2026 7:18 PM] starcryst Then she punched him in the stomach. <<< loved this too - so Anime "Punch Girl" {Reactions} ❤️ [8/20/2026 7:18 PM] starcryst you get so many fun tropes stuffed into this one tiny girl! [8/20/2026 7:18 PM] starcryst “Okay,” she said. “So start a new clan. Call it the Katsu clan.” She paused, just long enough for him to feel the joke coming and be powerless to stop it. “Sell katsudon. Pork cutlet bowls. Katsuyori’s Katsu. It writes itself.” <<< so wonderful given the grimness of his family's death and his shame at not following them {Reactions} ❤️ (3) [8/20/2026 7:19 PM] starcryst Best sequence: The horse sequence was heartbreaking. So often when a horse breaks its leg, its a stock scene of shooting / stabbing the horse to death. You're treatment of the scene was wonderful {Reactions} 🔥 (3) [8/20/2026 7:19 PM] starcryst Generally -- this type of story is MY JAM [8/20/2026 7:20 PM] starcryst Loved everything about it --- it is FAR superior to the first chapter which was already good, but the character work here against the formal voice just pops off the page. Love it. {Reactions} ❤️ (2) [8/20/2026 7:21 PM] starcryst Critique - you could cut some of the chapter by removing spots where you explain the feelings when you've already shown them through dialog and action better. {Reactions} ❤️ (3) [8/20/2026 7:21 PM] starcryst BUT - that's a minor nit against an exceptional piece of work. Thank you! {Reactions} ❤️ [8/20/2026 7:21 PM] starcryst DONE {Reactions} ❤️ (2) [8/20/2026 7:22 PM] starcryst Anyone else ready???? [8/20/2026 7:22 PM] runeknight3 👋 [8/20/2026 7:22 PM] starcryst @RuneKnight3 GO! [8/20/2026 7:22 PM] shikanokoshitantan Thank you for the kind comment, I’m glad you enjoyed it more than the first chapter. Was a bit nervous to introduce the deuteragonist 😅 {Reactions} ❤️ [8/20/2026 7:23 PM] shikanokoshitantan Definitely, taken on board {Reactions} 👍 [8/20/2026 7:25 PM] runeknight3 Having grown up watching *Inuyasha* (DBZ for girls!), and being a fan of *Usagai Yojimbo* this hit a lot of the right buttons for me creatively. It felt folkloric rather than pop cultural which is where a lot of period storytelling falls apart. Even the use of modern vulgate - Unc - is less intrusive modern language than just ease of understanding for the reader where we can surmise the character was actually repeatedly calling them old man. The only thing that felt off is occasionally the protagonist describes events with a certain cadence of preposition that feels forced like trying to speak in an Aisaland voice, but that might just be me. Its entirely possible its what it needs to be and I would adapt to it over time. Either way awesome stuff. {Reactions} ❤️ (2) [8/20/2026 7:25 PM] runeknight3 DONE [8/20/2026 7:25 PM] starcryst anyone else after Runeknight finishes? [8/20/2026 7:26 PM] shikanokoshitantan What is an Aisaland voice? [8/20/2026 7:26 PM] starcryst Okay @彼鹿🫎 any last words for the room? [8/20/2026 7:29 PM] shikanokoshitantan Thank you for reading and for providing your feedback. I’ve definitely taken everything onboard and will continue to fine tune the story. A few kind people in this room have the manuscript up to chapter 40. If you are interested in Japanese passive aggressiveness, slapstick humour, existential crisis and emotionally constipated romance, please do not hesitate to become an ARC reader. [8/20/2026 7:29 PM] runeknight3 In the west we have a tendency to treat characters from Asian countries (China, Japan, Korea, Viet Nam, etc.) as though they all have the same cultural voice. Even if there is overlap due to cultural exchange and diffusion these are different peoples with different nuances. So when I say "Asialand" voice, I'm talking about a word choice that doesn't feel natural but feels like something someone would say trying to sound oriental without being oriental, but its really hard to judge. [8/20/2026 7:30 PM] starcryst I think Kiyoka is Japanese. {Reactions} ❤️ (2) [8/20/2026 7:30 PM] shikanokoshitantan Yeah [8/20/2026 7:31 PM] ladylazarus2235 I’m reading and catching up but loving it so much already. Followed and subscribed {Reactions} ❤️ 🔥 [8/20/2026 7:31 PM] shikanokoshitantan It was not cultural appropriation yall [8/20/2026 7:31 PM] shikanokoshitantan Me using unc is me trying to fit in with them kids [8/20/2026 7:31 PM] starcryst Thank you -- welcome to Write Club! {Reactions} ❤️ [8/20/2026 7:31 PM] shikanokoshitantan Thank you for your time [8/20/2026 7:32 PM] shikanokoshitantan I see what you meant. I write in Japanese and English [8/20/2026 7:32 PM] starcryst @Alexis Wright Author feel free to come back after Write Club wraps up and provide anyfeedback you wish. 🙂 {Reactions} 💯 🦑 [8/20/2026 7:32 PM] starcryst Okay that's it for Tonight's Write Club! -- Thank you all for sharing some of your most valuable resource - your time! [8/20/2026 7:33 PM] starcryst Please join us in the #write-club-after-party-july-through-sept-2026 for 2d drinks, 3d people and 4d shameless self-promotion! [8/20/2026 7:35 PM] runeknight3 Then its probably fine, but sometimes sounds odd to the ear of a barbarian 🤣 {Reactions} 💗 ============================================================== Exported 111 message(s) ==============================================================