============================================================== Guild: Write Club Channel: Archives-2026-August / 08-22-26-krislyn-lyon ============================================================== [8/22/2026 1:51 PM] rubygs Is there a story for tonight? [8/22/2026 1:52 PM] starcryst hmm - let me get the link. [8/22/2026 1:52 PM] starcryst https://krislynlyon.substack.com/p/ethel-aunt-of-the-most-high {Embed} https://krislynlyon.substack.com/p/ethel-aunt-of-the-most-high Ethel, Aunt of the Most High A Short Story https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/external/K-TJyA13Yx000HgdpYgqGHmO32-_qSOC5iMGc4X2ryU/https/substackcdn.com/image/fetch/%24s_%21G4eD%21%2Cf_auto%2Cq_auto%3Abest%2Cfl_progressive%3Asteep/https%253A%252F%252Fkrislynlyon.substack.com%252Fapi%252Fv1%252Fpost_preview%252F209577988%252Ftwitter.jpg%253Fversion%253D4 [8/22/2026 1:53 PM] starcryst @Krislyn Lyon excited to have you on Write Club tonight! [8/22/2026 1:53 PM] starcryst there ye go [8/22/2026 1:54 PM] rubygs Thanks!! [8/22/2026 3:16 PM] krislynlyon Me too! See you in a few hours! [8/22/2026 6:16 PM] starcryst @everyone Join at 7pm EST for @Krislyn Lyon's Write Club! Help promote it by doing the clicky thing below and restacking! Thank you. https://substack.com/profile/408299644-david-t-etheredge/note/c-320496029 {Embed} https://substack.com/profile/408299644-david-t-etheredge/note/c-320496029 David T Etheredge (@davidtetheredge) Join us tonight at Write Club for author @Krislyn Lyon’s story Ethel, Aunt of the Most High. Read the story below (you have time!) and hop on our discord server http://WriteClub.Chat to join in providing feedback to the author. https://krislynlyon.substack.com/p/ethel-aunt-of-the-most-high https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/external/YDtJbHMM1PAUR4_HnDI4Wz6igsLZUzoiDhF4TBx22sE/https/substackcdn.com/image/fetch/%24s_%21BQz2%21%2Cf_auto%2Cq_auto%3Agood%2Cfl_progressive%3Asteep/https%253A%252F%252Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%252Fpublic%252Fimages%252Fe0fd07b0-dfae-4bf4-8e75-d656fdbe7628_1122x1402.png {Reactions} ❤️ [8/22/2026 6:56 PM] vesperlrayne_04128 https://klipy.com/gifs/penguin-hello-17 {Embed} https://klipy.com/gifs/penguin-hello-17 Cute Penguin Says Hello https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/external/9vgI-QGAIlwFOCm0EOzhDEjDyGvRz3Sj4kW7w4NYAbU/https/static.klipy.com/ii/e293a233a303a98e471f78d04e13a1b0/58/e2/LjmQXnCB.webp {Reactions} ❤️ [8/22/2026 6:57 PM] rubygs https://klipy.com/gifs/waving-lizard {Embed} https://klipy.com/gifs/waving-lizard waving lizard https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/external/QziFPYCnQIpDof0hv2IhLSejWHTK2ppT4NZYYbhgNx0/https/static.klipy.com/ii/2fd1ee858360694ebc7272832a866c2b/f2/92/EF3WES69H7VcTsDyRKzZ.webp {Reactions} ❤️ [8/22/2026 6:59 PM] somedesertrat https://klipy.com/gifs/ranko-mannen-moe-moe-kyun {Embed} https://klipy.com/gifs/ranko-mannen-moe-moe-kyun Ranko Mannen's Moe Moe Kyun from Akiba Maid War https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/external/VXkVYweKnOjqxcCZYUCcGKsVTTseVQVhcewGIKS0N0c/https/static.klipy.com/ii/c3a19a0b747a76e98651f2b9a3cca5ff/d6/62/KLygclrA.webp {Reactions} 🔥 ❤️ (2) [8/22/2026 6:59 PM] erisindex https://klipy.com/gifs/saint-sylvester {Embed} https://klipy.com/gifs/saint-sylvester Sylvester the Cat: Saint Sylvester with a Halo https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/external/esjTm6bxu4aphG1F2MFhYOp4-2mDPYN2uZZ1DRbat80/https/static.klipy.com/ii/d7aec6f6f171607374b2065c836f92f4/ad/59/rXqOhoRs.webp {Reactions} 🔥 ❤️ [8/22/2026 6:59 PM] starcryst https://klipy.com/gifs/spin-present-mic {Embed} https://klipy.com/gifs/spin-present-mic Present Mic Spinning https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/external/FtLPmx2Pzml4v7GmAt99GGjHMNWT36gqXuGo3OxWuzI/https/static.klipy.com/ii/c3a19a0b747a76e98651f2b9a3cca5ff/80/ae/hFIJqnjB.webp {Reactions} 🔥 ❤️ [8/22/2026 6:59 PM] starcryst IT'S TIME FOR WRITE CLUB! [8/22/2026 6:59 PM] krislynlyon https://klipy.com/gifs/scott-pilgrim-vs-the-world-micheal-cera-2 {Embed} https://klipy.com/gifs/scott-pilgrim-vs-the-world-micheal-cera-2 Micheal Cera as Scott Pilgrim Waving https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/external/rEgsDFt8sVJYoGSEfOWQDfrfCxMDTByiS4LLYyFCoig/https/static.klipy.com/ii/ce286d05b8e1a47cd4f32b0e1b6dec0e/45/61/n6vG1IZ1.webp {Reactions} 🔥 (3) ❤️ (3) 💯 (3) 👋 (2) [8/22/2026 7:00 PM] krislynlyon They told me this is where the party was. 🙂 {Reactions} 🎉 (2) [8/22/2026 7:00 PM] starcryst 31 peeps on! A new record! {Reactions} 🔥 (4) ❤️ (2) [8/22/2026 7:00 PM] starcryst If you are new here, Welcome! Here is the Chat format for tonight's event: {Attachments} https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/1536890488009793597/1540858288252657794/Write_Club_Chat_Format.png?ex=6ab8f75b&is=6ab7a5db&hm=57b7d92a698d1801c54a9ba095ca25d8318aef17e3babb6601db6f0386a8dabc& [8/22/2026 7:01 PM] starcryst @Krislyn Lyon what level of critique would you like tonight? Sunday School or Fire and Brimstone? {Reactions} 🤣 (3) 🔥 [8/22/2026 7:01 PM] krislynlyon Lmao. Uh say what you have to say but be nice. Sunday school :). {Reactions} 👏 (3) 🔥 (3) [8/22/2026 7:01 PM] .revanarchy 👋 [8/22/2026 7:01 PM] starcryst Sunday School it is! 🙂 [8/22/2026 7:02 PM] somedesertrat 👋 [8/22/2026 7:02 PM] rubygs 👋 [8/22/2026 7:02 PM] lauriemacnorcal_28850 👋 [8/22/2026 7:02 PM] erisindex 👋 [8/22/2026 7:02 PM] starcryst Okay when you are ready to share your gently reaffirming feedback, please don thy yellow dishwashing glove and wave it in the air and say "amen" {Reactions} 😆 (3) 🤣 (2) [8/22/2026 7:02 PM] starcryst @Joshua Bader GO! [8/22/2026 7:02 PM] fictionshroom 👋 [8/22/2026 7:02 PM] somedesertrat -# shit, I didn't say amen {Reactions} ❤️ 🤣 [8/22/2026 7:03 PM] .revanarchy Not copy pasting for once so bear with me. {Reactions} 👍 [8/22/2026 7:03 PM] starcryst heathen {Reactions} 🤣 (6) 😂 (4) 😆 (2) 👏 (2) [8/22/2026 7:03 PM] .revanarchy Favorite line is the one I restacked on SS, where Raphael is wondering about their 5000 year mission and why they keep doing it this way. {Reactions} 🤣 (3) 😂 [8/22/2026 7:03 PM] starcryst Also, remember when you are finished, say DONE 🙂 [8/22/2026 7:04 PM] .revanarchy Favorite Scene is Ethel then showing off her magical powers to put the room back together. {Reactions} ❤️ (4) 🪄 (3) [8/22/2026 7:05 PM] .revanarchy Gentle criticism- Its a little slow to get going. We get to the good stuff in the last half with angels are aliens and Ethel has magic... but the first half doesn't really tell us what kind of story this is or is going to be. I want more of the good stuff. {Reactions} ❤️ (5) [8/22/2026 7:06 PM] .revanarchy Question: How do you conceive of this piece? Is it comedy? Religious satire? Something else? {Reactions} ❤️ (3) [8/22/2026 7:06 PM] .revanarchy Done [8/22/2026 7:06 PM] starcryst @Carl Price GO! [8/22/2026 7:06 PM] somedesertrat General Feedback: I've actually read this piece a couple of times, and each time, I'm still enjoying it. It reminds me a lot of Christopher Moore's ***'LAMB: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal'*** (which if you've not read it, color me surprised) with how seamlessly modern dialogue is blended into a historical setting. Easiest way that I could describe it to someone is charming and whimsical, which--if that's what you were going for, you nailed it. {Reactions} ❤️ (3) [8/22/2026 7:06 PM] somedesertrat Fave Scene: Gabriel assessing Ethel, the Aunt of the Most High and having what can only be described as a WTF moment before causing her to collapse in a holy-presence induced fainting spell and his subsequent nonchalance at having to deal with what apparently is a regular occurrence for a Messenger. {Reactions} 🤣 (3) [8/22/2026 7:06 PM] lammbbb 🤚 {Reactions} 👍 [8/22/2026 7:07 PM] somedesertrat Fave Line: > “Yeah, I’m not gonna lie,” said Gabriel, inwardly wincing. “It’s gonna be a little rough going to social functions for a little while.” > “Eh, it is what it is,” said Mary, considering. “I prefer reading, anyway.” While there's a consistent character voice throughout, this is the part that nails it for me. Gabriel's comment carries that awkward sympathy-cringe for what's coming over the next 9 months and Mary's reaction is a perfect counter to it. {Reactions} 🤣 (3) [8/22/2026 7:07 PM] somedesertrat Constructive Criticism: About the only thing that I could say for criticism would be how Ethel is effectively removed from the narrative to focus on Mary receiving the pronouncement. However, this reads as the start to longer piece, so I'm assuming that is probably why (a touch of *Life of Brian*). {Reactions} 👆 (4) [8/22/2026 7:07 PM] somedesertrat Question: Will you be using this as the start of a new novel, or was it just a one off thing? {Reactions} 👍 [8/22/2026 7:07 PM] krislynlyon Lmaooooooo I have thoughts flicker through my head sometimes like WOULDNT IT BE HILARIOUS IF Mary wasn't the first choice, but rather her long lost cousin Svetlana. And then I just sit down and the rest is history. Just being silly. Comedy. {Reactions} 👍 (4) ❤️ (3) [8/22/2026 7:07 PM] somedesertrat DONE [8/22/2026 7:08 PM] starcryst @steffie GO! [8/22/2026 7:08 PM] rubygs Favorite Scene: Patricia from across the street stopped dead in her tracks and leaned sideways just far enough to see an enormous glowing bird disappear into the clouds. “Strange family,” she muttered to herself. “Strange. All of ‘em touched.” Patricia probably has an interesting persepective... Favorite Line: Aside from all the reincarnated roadkill she’d have to deal with, bath time would be hell. Question: Who’s the intended audience for this story? {Reactions} ❤️ (3) [8/22/2026 7:08 PM] krislynlyon One off thing. I have too many novels on my plate. Short stories are easier to edit and publish and be done with. {Reactions} 💯 💙 [8/22/2026 7:08 PM] rubygs I couldn't tell if it was intended for adults or children so I was just curious who it was intended for [8/22/2026 7:08 PM] rubygs Done [8/22/2026 7:09 PM] starcryst @lauriemacNorCal GO! [8/22/2026 7:09 PM] lauriemacnorcal_28850 Favorite line: “How can this be?” She wondered. “I’m a virgin.” “Yes, we get this question more often than you’d think,” replied Gabriel. “It’s actually incredibly advanced metaphysics, but I don’t think anyone here is ready for that. {Reactions} ❤️ (2) [8/22/2026 7:09 PM] krislynlyon Intended audience...I never really think about that when I write, and I get the question a lot. ...people who like to laugh at odd things? Whoever Terry Prachett writes for. Apparently I write like him. Idk. {Reactions} 🔥 (3) ❤️ [8/22/2026 7:09 PM] vesperlrayne_04128 👋 [8/22/2026 7:10 PM] lauriemacnorcal_28850 Favorite moment: Finding out Ethel is a witch!! {Reactions} ❤️ [8/22/2026 7:10 PM] krislynlyon Oh, adults. {Reactions} 💯 (2) 👍 (3) ❤️ [8/22/2026 7:10 PM] lauriemacnorcal_28850 Criticism: The cartoon art made me think this was going to be a children’s book. {Reactions} 💯 (2) 👆 (4) [8/22/2026 7:10 PM] lauriemacnorcal_28850 General feedback: Such a clever premise, especially the sci-fi elements. So glad you found us and hope you join in our mayhem on a regular basis. [8/22/2026 7:10 PM] lauriemacnorcal_28850 Question: Where were you when this idea hit? (done) [8/22/2026 7:11 PM] krislynlyon At home chilling 🙂 {Reactions} 👍 😅 [8/22/2026 7:11 PM] starcryst @Eris Index GO! [8/22/2026 7:11 PM] erisindex Favorite lines: “She was simply Ethel, and she did Ethel things, and all around enjoyed her Ethelness.” {Reactions} ❤️ (3) [8/22/2026 7:11 PM] erisindex I freaking love “Ethelness.” 😂 This gives her a whole personality before I know almost anything about her. She isn’t remarkable by everyone else’s standards, but she doesn’t seem particularly bothered by that either. She’s just over there being Ethel. {Reactions} ❤️ (4) [8/22/2026 7:11 PM] krislynlyon Yeah I'm unused to working with AI art. I was like ok. That sort of captures it. [8/22/2026 7:11 PM] erisindex “A crowd would’ve gone wild. Instead, Ethel went white.” {Reactions} 🤣 (4) [8/22/2026 7:12 PM] erisindex This made me laugh. Gabriel has obviously got this giant announcement built up in his head like he’s about to walk onstage at a concert, and poor Ethel is about three seconds away from hitting the floor. The timing on this was perfect. {Reactions} 🤣 (4) 👍 (2) [8/22/2026 7:12 PM] erisindex Fav scenes: Gabriel trying to deliver the message to Ethel and getting a ‘class 4 fainter’ was prob my favorite. I already liked the idea of angels having scrolls and comm links, but calling Raphael for backup because the future mother of Jesus has passed the hell out? LOVED IT. The ridiculousness works because Gabriel treats it all like normal workplace procedure. My other favorite was Ethel waking up at the end and trying so hard to act normal while she’s basically repairing the entire room without realizing what she’s doing. Crawling sideways like a hermit crab, grabbing a broom, singing to herself while broken furniture starts putting itself back together... THAT was the part where Ethel really became interesting to me. Everyone has spent the whole story treating her like the odd sister, and meanwhile she’s sitting on some serious power. {Reactions} ❤️ (2) [8/22/2026 7:12 PM] erisindex Crit: I think the section where Gabriel goes through each sister could be tightened. I liked the individual jokes, especially him ruling people out for increasingly stupid reasons, but after a while I was ready for him to get to Mary. You could probably lose a little there and keep all the funny parts that matter. There are also a LOT of jokes packed into this, and most of them worked for me, but occasionally I wanted one more beat before the next one came along. Ethel especially gets more interesting near the end when the story lets her be strange without immediately putting another joke on top of her. {Reactions} 👍 (2) [8/22/2026 7:13 PM] erisindex Overall: This was weird as hell, lol, but I had fun with it. Ethel was easily my favorite part. I liked thinking the whole story was basically about Gabriel screwing up an assignment and then finding out at the end that Ethel was never some failed version of Mary anyway. She had her own thing going on the entire time. {Reactions} ❤️ [8/22/2026 7:13 PM] erisindex Question: Did God know the entire time what was going down? That Gabriel was going to choose Mary, or did Gabriel genuinely screw up the plan? DONE. {Reactions} ❤️ [8/22/2026 7:13 PM] starcryst @✨🍄Fiction Shroom🍄✨ GO! [8/22/2026 7:13 PM] krislynlyon I like leaving that open ended. GOD KNOWS EVERYTHING or does he? {Reactions} 😂 (4) [8/22/2026 7:14 PM] krislynlyon The hermit crab is my personal fav. You have this Bible story and then a random 90s pet. WHY???? {Reactions} 🤣 (3) [8/22/2026 7:14 PM] erisindex very clever indeed {Reactions} ❤️ [8/22/2026 7:15 PM] krislynlyon Going through the sisters was added in a late draft. I was like wait why does he just jump to Mary? Rude. So I added it. {Reactions} 🔥 (2) ❤️ [8/22/2026 7:16 PM] fictionshroom I'm being short and sweet today! The comedy and timing build up is all really well done and I did get a kick out of the way the angels are SoP vs the family wigging out works. Kind of a more light hearted version of the way they are in Supernatural. Also got the "come sail away" vibes in there with the alien angels. My dad would have gotten a kick out of it because he was into that sort of thing. {Reactions} 🔥 (3) [8/22/2026 7:16 PM] fictionshroom No criticism. Not super my cup of tea. But the writing is very well done and you're definitely funny! {Reactions} ❤️ (2) [8/22/2026 7:16 PM] fictionshroom DONE [8/22/2026 7:16 PM] krislynlyon I enjoy writing things that are weird as hell. That's how real life is, so why not. Keeps things interesting 🙂 {Reactions} ❤️ (2) 🔥 [8/22/2026 7:16 PM] starcryst @Lunetois Ewe shalt not give mean critiques. GO! {Reactions} 🤣 [8/22/2026 7:17 PM] lammbbb > “And behold, your relative Elizabeth is also six months pregnant, though she was thought to be barren. For nothing is impossible with God.” Yeah, just a quick tacked-on blessing to tie things up a bit before you go, right Gabe? It'll be no trouble for you, I'm sure. {Reactions} ❤️ (3) [8/22/2026 7:17 PM] lammbbb I enjoyed this story on a conceptual level. A lot of the tone reminds me of a Neil Gaiman (I believe, maybe it wasn't him but I'm remembering the story rather than the author) short where an old woman in Shrewsbury buys the Ark of the Covenant at a thrift store and then gets a visit from the Knights of the Round Table who are seeking it. She allows them to look at it and serves them tea. It has that same air of mundane people who are great because of their straightforward dealing with the supernatural. I'm happy that you don't really feel the need to explain the way Gabriel's gear functions or why he has it. The trope informs us, it's there because it needs to be. Likewise; giving us insight into Gabriel's home-life (heaven-life? after-life? afterlife-life?) without additional explanation is also great. The ending leaves the impression that the universe is like a game of Sims to the Heavenly Father. {Reactions} ❤️ (2) 🔥 [8/22/2026 7:17 PM] lammbbb For criticism, I guess I would say it was too long... which is really odd for me since I always say everything else is too short. Truth-be-told, I think it could be this length just fine, but it needs to be more punchy if it is. The pacing is slow for the number of things that happen to my eye. I'd like to see some more punchlines thrown in, or a bit more wit in sentence construction. *Alternatively*, I am far too stupid to get a great number of these jokes and too many went over my head! Either way, from my perspective as a reader it took a bit of patience to make it from one interesting part to another. {Reactions} ❤️ (2) [8/22/2026 7:17 PM] lammbbb Question: Do you think Elohim/Jehovah/Yahu-Wahu/God/GAAWD turns off his omniscence so he can enjoy twists and turns like this? {Reactions} ❤️ (2) 💯 [8/22/2026 7:17 PM] lammbbb That's it for me. Thanks for sharing. [8/22/2026 7:17 PM] starcryst @VesperLRayne GO! [8/22/2026 7:18 PM] vesperlrayne_04128 hey so, alot of what I wanted to say was basically already said, but I did enjoy the premise, So much you can do with having the "does God know or not?" moment {Reactions} ❤️ [8/22/2026 7:19 PM] krislynlyon I do lol [8/22/2026 7:20 PM] krislynlyon Good thoughts. I struggle to write both long and short, depending on circumstances. If I'm writing a novel and I hit 50k, THE NOVEL IS DONE. I'm always like "so many words. Who has time for this many words?" My husband says I taught him to keep things shorter lmao. {Reactions} 🤣 (3) 📖 (3) [8/22/2026 7:20 PM] vesperlrayne_04128 I wrote up a short note so ehre we go Gabriel was my favorite. I really liked all the heavenly bureaucracy around him—the scroll, the comm link, the sensitivity training. It was very cute, and he felt like a real person doing this extremely weird job. But because the opening tells us this is Ethel’s forgotten story, I expected to get closer to her. Gabriel ended up feeling like the main character, and I wanted to know more about what Ethel understood or wanted, instead of mostly seeing how strange she looked to everyone else.--- I wish maybe she wasn't written so quirky? otherwise, I think the story is cute and has the comendy I generall enjoy. The comment about the art though is true. I was a bit unsure if it was a kids book or not? assumed it wasn't tho.. {Reactions} ❤️ (5) [8/22/2026 7:20 PM] vesperlrayne_04128 DONE [8/22/2026 7:21 PM] starcryst Any lurkers sitting in the back pews want to come up and testify? {Reactions} 🤣 [8/22/2026 7:21 PM] msadventurouspurple 👋 [8/22/2026 7:21 PM] lammbbb I like the idea of it [8/22/2026 7:21 PM] starcryst @TheFictionForager GO! [8/22/2026 7:21 PM] msadventurouspurple This definitely gave me Good Omens vibes {Reactions} ❤️ (5) 💯 (3) [8/22/2026 7:22 PM] krislynlyon Yeah someone else not in write club said "Where did Ethel go?" Which is fair. She is on the floor, because the prophecy is not about her right now. I decided not to fix it 🙂 {Reactions} 👍 (2) [8/22/2026 7:22 PM] msadventurouspurple Favorite lines: “ Gabriel was aware of this, but liked to pretend it wasn’t happening.” {Reactions} ❤️ (3) 🤣 (2) [8/22/2026 7:23 PM] msadventurouspurple “Hello, Ethel,” said Gabriel, who was about to go into his proverbial “beast” mode, and was pretty excited about it.” {Reactions} 🤣 (4) 😂 [8/22/2026 7:24 PM] msadventurouspurple Critique: pretty much the same as what others have said - could use some tightening {Reactions} ❤️ (3) 👍 [8/22/2026 7:24 PM] msadventurouspurple Overall really fun read {Reactions} 💯 (4) [8/22/2026 7:24 PM] msadventurouspurple Done {Reactions} 💯 (2) [8/22/2026 7:24 PM] starcryst okay anyone else up for feedback before I go? [8/22/2026 7:25 PM] starcryst If you need a couple more minutes, feel free to get your hand in the air while I riff. [8/22/2026 7:25 PM] starcryst Best Lines: She was simply Ethel, and she did Ethel things, and all around enjoyed her Ethelness. {Reactions} ❤️ (3) 🤣 (2) 🔥 [8/22/2026 7:25 PM] lammbbb https://klipy.com/gifs/h3dz-guitar {Embed} https://klipy.com/gifs/h3dz-guitar H3dz Guitar https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/external/Vlp52BN3egXUB23oyUBlTtB-5-JpFXzxjTjNxahbTSk/https/static.klipy.com/ii/4493325008d34b7bf8cd6813cd5c1619/7a/7b/6jL2nHsIvrubUZC.webp {Reactions} 🤣 (2) [8/22/2026 7:25 PM] starcryst As others have said - just a great character line {Reactions} 🤣 🔥 (3) [8/22/2026 7:25 PM] starcryst proverbial "beast" mode <<< very punny using proverbial and beast for an angel {Reactions} ❤️ 🤣 [8/22/2026 7:26 PM] starcryst When the 6-foot-tall gently glowing angel walked through her front gate, she yelped, covering her mouth with her hand, and wondered if she’d had a stroke. Gabriel was aware of this, but liked to pretend it wasn’t happening. For some reason that seemed to help people get through it easier if he didn’t acknowledging it. {Reactions} 👍 (2) ❤️ [8/22/2026 7:26 PM] krislynlyon I was like "beast" mode? For an angel? But I felt it communicated well, so I kept it. {Reactions} 👍 [8/22/2026 7:26 PM] starcryst This is actually a well known trick of people who are visually imposing or weird looking -- nice use of it here. {Reactions} 👍 (3) [8/22/2026 7:27 PM] starcryst I felt like this meant that when he gets back to the NCC Heaven, he's going to play some ImMortal Combat in the HaloDeck {Reactions} 🤣 (3) [8/22/2026 7:27 PM] starcryst _This is the one?_ Gabriel thought to himself, but quickly realized he was remiss to question God’s plan. _Well, if he can speak from an ass’s mouth, I guess he can do this, too,_ he reasoned_._ He shook his head, and returned to the plan. {Reactions} 🤣 (3) ❤️ [8/22/2026 7:27 PM] krislynlyon I mean what else do you think angels do in their spare time? {Reactions} 🔥 (2) ❤️ [8/22/2026 7:28 PM] somedesertrat -# chuggin that Temple on the Mount'n Dew Code Red {Reactions} 🤣 (2) [8/22/2026 7:28 PM] starcryst Speaking from the mouths of asses. Seems to be an epidemic these days {Reactions} 🤣 (5) [8/22/2026 7:29 PM] starcryst but loved this -- it's like how sales people in the field are like - how the hell am I going to sell THIS pile of schock... and then they do it anyway {Reactions} 🤣 (2) [8/22/2026 7:29 PM] starcryst Question: Is the use of Israeli (modern) vs. Israelite (historical) intentional? [8/22/2026 7:29 PM] starcryst DONE! 🙂 [8/22/2026 7:29 PM] krislynlyon It is not. Just me banging out a short story 🙂 {Reactions} 👍 (4) 🎉 (3) [8/22/2026 7:30 PM] krislynlyon But I am gonna be up all night thinking about the difference between Israeli and Israelite now. {Reactions} 🤣 [8/22/2026 7:30 PM] starcryst I kept trying to find a pun or joke there. 😛 [8/22/2026 7:30 PM] starcryst Okay anyone else up for a go! [8/22/2026 7:30 PM] starcryst then we finish right on time! [8/22/2026 7:31 PM] lauriemacnorcal_28850 @Krislyn Lyon how did you find us? [8/22/2026 7:31 PM] starcryst @Krislyn Lyon any benediction for the fellowship before we head out for potluck lunch and NFL football? {Reactions} 🤣 (2) 🏈 [8/22/2026 7:31 PM] somedesertrat A few thousand years. {Reactions} 🤣 (3) [8/22/2026 7:32 PM] krislynlyon Good question. I have been scouring substack for superb writing because I'm looking for great writers for an app I'm making. I think I found David first and he had just kicked this off. Boom, I'm here. {Reactions} ❤️ (2) [8/22/2026 7:33 PM] krislynlyon That was fast, furious, and epic. Nice, great feedback, would do again. You all rock. Glad to have brought you joy, and looking forward to seeing you in future Write Club sessions. {Reactions} ❤️ [8/22/2026 7:33 PM] lauriemacnorcal_28850 Awesome! Tell us about the app at the after party [8/22/2026 7:33 PM] somedesertrat https://klipy.com/gifs/brian-oconner-paul-walker-3 {Embed} https://klipy.com/gifs/brian-oconner-paul-walker-3 Brian O'Conner & Dom Toretto in Car https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/external/HOI4T1uVBg5sg_HJ5nHeXo4xgE3ysyvNFJiiPeAGnks/https/static.klipy.com/ii/935d7ab9d8c6202580a668421940ec81/f1/22/67UPmZyt.webp [8/22/2026 7:34 PM] krislynlyon Can do. Children still behaving. Slinking over to after party. [8/22/2026 7:34 PM] starcryst That's it for Write Club! Thank you to our author @Krislyn Lyon and thank you to all our readers for giving of your most important resource - your time! Now we're off to the #write-club-after-party-july-through-sept-2026 for 2d church-safe drinks, 3d people and 4d shameless self-confessional. [8/22/2026 11:03 PM] yamamoto6008 **Favorite line: **"Well, if he can speak from an ass's mouth, I guess he can do this, too, he reasoned." **Favorite scene: **Ethel waking up and crawling sideways, limb by limb, to get to the broom. **Criticism: **I believe the comedy and the ending want two different Ethels. For the most of the piece she is the sister the joke sits on, drooping eyelid, ill fitting frock, mismatched buttons, shoes compared to a thing a five year old puts on a tree. And than at the end she is a real power the family has been hiding for years. I guess it would land harder if all that description came from Gabriel and not from the narration agreeing with him. You may try to keep the odd details but let one or two of them read differently on a second pass, the herbs in the pockets, the handmade shoes, the finger weaving she does when he walks in. Somehow it should be there already and the reader just doesn't see it yet. Gabriel going through the sisters is funny, but it is the same joke four times, look at a sister, find a flaw, dismiss. You may want to cut one, probably Rebecca, since Delilah and Anna are the ones with real punchlines. **Question:** is Ethel the reason the scroll clouded, or it just looks that way after? [8/23/2026 12:38 AM] shikanokoshitantan Welcome to Write Club! Hope my feedback is useful. What I enjoyed: Gabriel sighed, and pressed a comm link that not many people know is actually installed on his left wrist. Speaking into it, he said, “Can I get backup, please?” Sighing, he looked down at poor Ethel collapsed on the ground, and then pressed the link again. “I got a Class 4 fainter.” What I hoped to see next: the setup to the punchline took a bit long and I would have liked for the comedy to land earlier and sharper. And perhaps consider rule of three (just use 3 sisters? Although I have never read the bible so please disregard my comment of the piece was based on a lore that I’m not familiar with). {Reactions} ❤️ ============================================================== Exported 137 message(s) ==============================================================