============================================================== Guild: Write Club Channel: Archives-2026-August / 08-30-26-david-t-etherdge-substitute ============================================================== [8/30/2026 4:22 PM] starcryst @everyone we are going to bump Brian's story from tonight. It's far longer than 30 minutes and its got personal and political themes that break the submission criteria. I'm moving my story Ink #1 here because its only 1300 words (quick read) and I'll make my September slot open for Brian if he has another piece that works. Sorry to all for the switch up and we'll be implementing new pre-read systems to make sure stories meet our sub criteria at least 48 hours before they are up for WC. {Reactions} ❤️ (13) 💯 😮 (2) [8/30/2026 4:23 PM] starcryst https://inferencestories.com/p/ink {Embed} https://inferencestories.com/p/ink Ink Flash #1: Fastball https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/external/ZcQgkdd2OtyZN87B9iLUSdykF1adehVhSTXAfxq3pwY/https/substackcdn.com/image/fetch/%24s_%21Pv3d%21%2Cw_1200%2Ch_675%2Cc_fill%2Cf_jpg%2Cq_auto%3Agood%2Cfl_progressive%3Asteep%2Cg_auto/https%253A%252F%252Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%252Fpublic%252Fimages%252F313ea97d-d32a-4f05-b7c3-ba35d2c3278a_1364x910.png [8/30/2026 4:24 PM] xenonsteem I just dropped my comment an hour ago. 😭 I guess I'll just listen in. {Reactions} ❤️ (2) [8/30/2026 4:34 PM] starcryst CONTENT WARNINGS for Ink: || Mature themes, bodily injury, baseball (do not read while operating heavy machinery). || {Reactions} 🔥 (5) ❤️ (3) 🤣 (5) [8/30/2026 4:47 PM] chet_sandberg I was thinking, at some point, that I might put a trigger warning like: “If you need a trigger warning, stop now; this hits every one you’re thinking of and maybe some you haven’t.” (Just for High Fantasy) {Reactions} 🔥 (4) [8/30/2026 4:48 PM] starcryst hehe [8/30/2026 4:49 PM] starcryst It's true that reading someones story is a form of NLP. It's a pretty major act of trust. {Reactions} 💯 (3) [8/30/2026 5:01 PM] snowpuppie NLP? [8/30/2026 5:03 PM] starcryst Neuro Linguistic Programming {Reactions} 👍 (2) [8/30/2026 5:09 PM] snowpuppie I learned something new today. I'd have just called it "programming" or "persuasion". [8/30/2026 5:11 PM] vaelinshadowbloom Damn it David, now I'm reading all the Inks {Reactions} 🤣 (2) ❤️ (2) 💪 [8/30/2026 5:17 PM] snowpuppie They're really well-written and entertaining. I'm finding too much good stuff in WC to read and not enough time to work on my own things. lol {Reactions} ❤️ (3) [8/30/2026 5:30 PM] starcryst Also -- I want to let everyone know that Brian Fahey, the author that was originally scheduled reached out and said he understands and there are no hard feelings. {Reactions} ❤️ (4) 👍 (4) 🫂 (3) [8/30/2026 6:06 PM] lutherintaralomya I still need to comment on there piece it was very nice to get a POV from the other side to understand it from the other persons view of what they feel [8/30/2026 6:44 PM] starcryst @everyone Forgot to post my own story card - if you want to promote it to Substack, here you go! Thank you. https://substack.com/profile/408299644-david-t-etheredge/note/c-326184966 {Embed} https://substack.com/profile/408299644-david-t-etheredge/note/c-326184966 David T Etheredge (@davidtetheredge) Tonight at Write Club - my story Ink gets a turn in the hot-seat! Join us at 7pm EST at http://WriteClub.Chat if you want to discuss and share feedback. It’s an easy 5 minute read. https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/external/eGs0iCt8W8JQ_Fl78VxSFFLOQ-5Rwyq7nhpPN-HJpo4/https/substackcdn.com/image/fetch/%24s_%21KVKi%21%2Cw_680%2Ch_680%2Cc_limit%2Cf_auto%2Cq_auto%3Agood%2Cfl_progressive%3Asteep/https%253A%252F%252Fsubstack.com%252Fnote%252Fc-326184966%252Fpreview.jpeg%253Fsize%253Dsm%2526attachmentsOnly%253D1 {Reactions} 🫡 ❤️ [8/30/2026 6:45 PM] markdp Glad it's not just me. 😊 {Reactions} 🫂 ❤️ (3) [8/30/2026 6:48 PM] snowpuppie Done. To all 50ish of my subs. 😄 🙂 {Reactions} ❤️ (3) [8/30/2026 6:58 PM] josisofer @David T Etheredge - Inference , any particular music or playlist you want to drop to get us in the mood for Ink: Flash #1 - Fastball? [8/30/2026 6:59 PM] starcryst https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yVNHC3hSOik&list=RDyVNHC3hSOik&start_radio=1 {Embed} ScrappyVibes https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yVNHC3hSOik .// put this on and melt into your thoughts | Warm Vocal Chillwave ... put this on and melt into your thoughts. 🎧 An hour of warm, drifting vocal chillwave — headphones-down, lights-low songs for getting lost in your own head. This is the ScrappyVibesFM sound — scrapwave: gritty chillwave with a warm groove and vocals riding over the top. 📖 Full lyrics → scrappyvibes.com ⏱️ TRACKLIST 00:00 Cloudb... https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/external/76eW96f0JZF0MQT_zuR-hOPymgiUu0m4aXgxi6Vlomc/https/i.ytimg.com/vi/yVNHC3hSOik/maxresdefault.jpg {Reactions} ❤️ 👍 [8/30/2026 6:59 PM] starcryst These are the songs I play when I write Ink [8/30/2026 6:59 PM] josisofer And with that... [8/30/2026 6:59 PM] josisofer @everyone run to your positions! [8/30/2026 6:59 PM] josisofer https://klipy.com/gifs/naruto-378 {Embed} https://klipy.com/gifs/naruto-378 Naruto and Hinata Running https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/external/N3l5KjyBSB-f9ZttMBEa0pyF03ywHCNnlFYMviKL0xA/https/static.klipy.com/ii/4e7bea9f7a3371424e6c16ebc93252fe/d5/e6/fSPpM4yyrqm537Dd.webp {Reactions} ❤️ (3) 👏 this [8/30/2026 6:59 PM] thegalacticwriter 👋 [8/30/2026 6:59 PM] somedesertrat done for my 69 (noice) subs {Reactions} ❤️ (2) [8/30/2026 7:00 PM] josisofer Because it’s about 7pm Eastern, that means it’s time for WRITE CLUB! [8/30/2026 7:00 PM] somedesertrat https://klipy.com/gifs/akiba-maid-senso-otagei {Embed} https://klipy.com/gifs/akiba-maid-senso-otagei Akiba Maid Senso Otagei https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/external/CTz6JLPaOOYlE6uUgcjZ943ZqOtX7LJ6vaJtCksCOzQ/https/static.klipy.com/ii/a8ada81afc59159ea5c8927feffa2e31/f3/dc/3FCsT5Zm2ooNP9AI.webp {Reactions} ❤️ [8/30/2026 7:00 PM] loganraith ✋ [8/30/2026 7:00 PM] starcryst https://klipy.com/gifs/41-four-4 {Embed} https://klipy.com/gifs/41-four-4 41 Four https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/external/5jniwJUBUnc3tl6XYE8phDXSoZT7nK1if8-zOM-H3FU/https/static.klipy.com/ii/9ed0121ed465c12e1f3dda331ed33f0e/3e/0d/MyrRgwEGTD6jY.webp {Reactions} ❤️ [8/30/2026 7:00 PM] josisofer We all know tonight’s idiot—ahem—featured author! Do you want want your criticism gentle , or full ink frontal? [8/30/2026 7:01 PM] starcryst Lay some INK on me {Reactions} 🤣 (3) 🫟 [8/30/2026 7:01 PM] josisofer Here's the format for those of you who don't remember... {Attachments} https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/1541080178971906098/1543757614721269911/Write_Club_Chat_Format.webp?ex=6ab8f790&is=6ab7a610&hm=f8cb5a5a030f90b9d7da2aea188b4637c91ac78d90efccbccbf87ed22010b264& [8/30/2026 7:01 PM] rubygs 👋 [8/30/2026 7:01 PM] somedesertrat 👋 [8/30/2026 7:01 PM] markdp 👋 [8/30/2026 7:01 PM] josisofer Alright, raise those yellow dishwashing gloves and let’s go! [8/30/2026 7:01 PM] snowpuppie 👋 [8/30/2026 7:01 PM] erisindex 👋 [8/30/2026 7:01 PM] josisofer @The Galactic Writer you're up, go! [8/30/2026 7:02 PM] thegalacticwriter Hi, David! I love your writing style and the twists and turns, plus the dialogue and character development. I learned how to be a better writer reading your descriptions, such as: “The needle buzzes beneath his voice.” (You took me straight into the scene.) {Reactions} 🔥 (4) ❤️ (2) [8/30/2026 7:02 PM] briancfahey 👋 [8/30/2026 7:02 PM] thegalacticwriter LOL MOMENTS MEANT FOR CHARACTER DEV: Every one of those churches believes I should be in hell. A web of six-inch surgical scars above his wrist makes it look like he tried to open himself in a bathtub. SO GOOD…. “Convince you? Fuck man, you ain’t just a devil. You’re the beast himself.” Questions: What inspired you write this story? {Reactions} ❤️ (4) [8/30/2026 7:02 PM] vesperlrayne_04128 👋 {Reactions} 👍 [8/30/2026 7:02 PM] _randym 👋 {Reactions} 👍 [8/30/2026 7:02 PM] lammbbb ✋ {Reactions} 👍 [8/30/2026 7:03 PM] josisofer @The Galactic Writer are you done? [8/30/2026 7:03 PM] yamamoto6008 👋 Em, uh. I'm on part IV, missed the timer {Reactions} 🤣 (5) ❤️ [8/30/2026 7:03 PM] thegalacticwriter No, but I’ll save the question for later. DONE! [8/30/2026 7:04 PM] josisofer Okay, @Logan Raith , grab your ink machine and mark him deep, go! [8/30/2026 7:04 PM] lutherintaralomya 👋 {Reactions} 👍 [8/30/2026 7:04 PM] thegalacticwriter Just wondered if you have tattoos!!??😂 [8/30/2026 7:04 PM] loganraith I’ve raved elsewhere and I’m on my phone, so I’ll keep my comments here brief. Fave line: I head to the door. I have to get to the ICU at Baptist Medical. There is someone waiting for me, and her heart is running out of time. In a story full of awesome lines, the last one is by far my favorite. It reframes the entire thing. You think the story is one thing—Cassius is extending his own lifespan—but then you read this and it hits like a prize fighter. {Reactions} ❤️ (6) [8/30/2026 7:04 PM] lutherintaralomya i got one I want [8/30/2026 7:04 PM] chet_sandberg 👋 {Reactions} 👍 [8/30/2026 7:05 PM] loganraith Fave sequence: The entire exchange between Cassius and Tonio is great. The dialogue is on point, not overly talky (you know what I mean). Natural. These two guys are easily distinguishable even without dialogue tags. And not just because one speaks French and the other Spanish. {Reactions} ❤️ (3) [8/30/2026 7:05 PM] loganraith Feedback: I tried to come up with something. This thing is so tight and punchy. Entertaining. Surprising. Polished. Great stuff as always. {Reactions} ❤️ (3) 👍 (2) 🔥 (2) [8/30/2026 7:05 PM] starcryst I am a huge comic book nerd and I always hated the idea that the most powerful hero in comics was a guy that could fly, shoot heat beams out of his eyes and was invulnerable and all powerful. I wanted to come up with a normal guy with a power that was stronger theoretically than Superman and I wanted him to be more human and accessible than Batman or whoever. The more I thought about it, the more that character became this guy Cassius Beton. {Reactions} ❤️ (5) 🔥 💯 (2) ❤️‍🔥 [8/30/2026 7:05 PM] starcryst Not one! {Reactions} 🤣 (2) [8/30/2026 7:05 PM] loganraith Question: Was Tonio’s hand thing genetic or did he suffer an injury? I don’t follow sports at all so things that others probably picked up right away are lost on me. I got the sense that he’s had a bunch of surgeries from all the scars. But that’s about it. {Reactions} 🔥 (3) [8/30/2026 7:06 PM] loganraith Overall: This one was a home run (obligatory baseball pun). And the series only gets better. DONE {Reactions} 🤣 (2) ❤️ (2) [8/30/2026 7:06 PM] lutherintaralomya mine is to emotionally long to comment what I mentioned for this piece ill cry again lol\ {Reactions} ❤️ (3) [8/30/2026 7:06 PM] chet_sandberg Softie [8/30/2026 7:06 PM] starcryst Injury -- there is a nerve injury (ulnar nerve injury) that causes your hand to curl into a claw. {Reactions} ❤️ (2) [8/30/2026 7:06 PM] josisofer @steffie by, lure him to the dangerous rocks near shore and tattoo it on his forehead! {Reactions} ❤️ (2) [8/30/2026 7:06 PM] lutherintaralomya I know...just it touched me lol {Reactions} 🤣 [8/30/2026 7:07 PM] rubygs Favorite Line: “He leaves a stack of hundred-dollar bills that I didn’t ask for on the counter and walks out into the Alabama sun without his shades.”- says a lot about who he is and what he values and how the shift in priorities has already hit him perhaps. The sunglasses being sort of a loss of an identity. {Reactions} ❤️ (3) 🔥 (3) this [8/30/2026 7:07 PM] josisofer That's inappropriate, stories should keep their hands to themselves {Reactions} 🤣 (2) [8/30/2026 7:07 PM] rubygs Favorite scene: “But they won’t have to watch me shrivel up and become useless like my hand. Like el viejo. I want to be remembered for having lived. Not for having died.”- The way he wants to live and die are things he seems to have made his peace with. Fantastic! {Reactions} 🔥 (4) 👍 (2) ❤️ (2) 🙌 [8/30/2026 7:07 PM] lutherintaralomya Well fine here is mine then I Wrote A lot of feelings can't possibly be named. It makes me reflect on my own life. How we let things slip by us and are in a hurry to get nowhere, but then we want just those last few minutes to years left for what? To dwell on the things we can't change? To dwell on what we should have done. To wish for those last 5 years we might not get because who knows what tomorrow will give us. This hit emotionally in a way I was not expecting it to. {Reactions} 🔥 (3) ❤️ (3) 💪 (2) [8/30/2026 7:07 PM] chet_sandberg Ooh! I missed this, but you're so right!! [8/30/2026 7:08 PM] rubygs Critique: “You need to get intimate with the mistakes I made, and how I broke all the wrong rules for the right reasons. How the universe didn’t give a shit about my reasons.”-this is still mysterious. I haven't clocked the mistake he's supposed to have made yet. Saving the baseball player seems like an altruistic thing so far. So this section was interesting. Question: do you have any tattoos?-answered lol Sooo nvm Awesome story part 1! {Reactions} ❤️ (2) [8/30/2026 7:08 PM] josisofer @LutherinTaralom you're in line, please wait [8/30/2026 7:08 PM] lutherintaralomya ah ok thank u 😄 {Reactions} ❤️ [8/30/2026 7:08 PM] josisofer Don't worry I got you {Reactions} ❤️ [8/30/2026 7:09 PM] josisofer @steffie everyone interrupts you, are you done? [8/30/2026 7:09 PM] starcryst All my tattoos are on my heart (ducks to avoid the vegetables) [8/30/2026 7:09 PM] rubygs NO worries> Done [8/30/2026 7:09 PM] lutherintaralomya Im sorry {Reactions} 👍 (3) 🫂 (3) [8/30/2026 7:09 PM] josisofer @Carl Price , you're up Coral, mark him! {Reactions} 🤣 [8/30/2026 7:09 PM] rubygs It's all good 😄 {Reactions} 👍 [8/30/2026 7:10 PM] somedesertrat General Feedback: My first introduction to this serial was actually Chopsticks (Ink #2), which, like this one, read as mostly a stand-alone with a singular thread connecting it. Had I read this one first and then #2, I would have been pleasantly surprised to see that connecting thread maintained, as well as picked up more of the callbacks. Hopefully that makes sense. {Reactions} 🔥 (2) ❤️ (3) 🙌 💪 [8/30/2026 7:10 PM] somedesertrat Overall, I liked that this one and #2 both read as mostly standalones, despite this being a serial. Both of them, especially Fastball, serve as great entry points for 'Ink'. As there isn't much fast-paced extrenal conflict in Fastball, most of the conflict comes from Tonio and Cassius's interaction, as well as Cassius's musings as he goes through the process of tattooing Tonio. The pacing reflects this intimate scene, and makes Tonio's admission of understanding the cost land that much better. {Reactions} ❤️ (2) [8/30/2026 7:10 PM] josisofer You're learning, you're all good promise [8/30/2026 7:10 PM] somedesertrat Fave Line: > "...I want to be remembered for having lived. Not for having died.” If this line doesn't hit someone hard, then they have less of a heart than I do. This line could have been an opener or a closer for the last paragraph of Tonio's monologue and it would have the same impact. {Reactions} 👍 (2) 🔥 (2) 💯 [8/30/2026 7:10 PM] somedesertrat Critique: There's at least one nstance where missing punctuation disrupts the rhythm and flow of the dialogue. The example that I can give that fits best is Tonio's line: "...What are you some kind of crossroads devil?" A comma either after *what*, or after *What are you* would give the sentence more life to the internal voice I had for him. {Reactions} ❤️ (2) 💯 👍 (2) [8/30/2026 7:10 PM] somedesertrat There's only one thing that I feel the need to critique on. That is forcing the reader to rely either on context, or Google Translate for the foreign phrases that pepper Tonio and Cassius's speech. It doesn't have to be applied to every single one, but some of the lesser known ones would benefit from it (side note: Google Translate can't decide whether Cassius's foreign language flavor is Haitian Creole *sax pase* or Basic French *le prix fort*). {Reactions} ❤️ (2) 👆 (2) [8/30/2026 7:10 PM] somedesertrat DONE-DIDDLY DONE-FOR [8/30/2026 7:11 PM] josisofer @MarkDP , yer up, draw your conclusion on his skin [8/30/2026 7:11 PM] markdp You betcha, baybee! [8/30/2026 7:11 PM] starcryst It's absolutely a pidgin which I'll explain later. [8/30/2026 7:11 PM] markdp I really, really like this story, especially as the first in the serial. No infodump of exposition. Just enough for the episode. Another thing I like is you took your time, even with just 1300(ish) words. So many writers wanna get to the point, they skip ahead. Not enough so the reader can’t follow. They just jump past all those little but important details that move a story from adequate to good or great. They make the story richer and fuller and far more enjoyable to read. For example, lots of writers would have gone from “What I do isn’t medicine.” straight to “This requires a trade.” Then the reader would have missed the fact that Tonio is happy to pay BIG BUCKS for something he really wants. Some status symbol that almost no one can afford. It’s a great reveal of Tonio’s character and of Cassius as well — almost a modern-day Robin Hood. Well done, man. And the way you ended it will get most readers to go on to Episode Two. The only real criticism I have is you’re maybe a little light on setting but, again, 1300(ish) words. Gotta be light on something. In this case, setting was probably the right choice. DONE {Reactions} 🔥 (4) ❤️ (3) [8/30/2026 7:12 PM] josisofer @Lisa N Snowe , liquor him up and tramp stamp him in a place he can't see, with words, go! {Reactions} 🤣 (6) 👆 (2) 😭 (2) [8/30/2026 7:12 PM] snowpuppie FAvorire Lines: “You need to get intimate with the mistakes I made, and how I broke all the wrong rules for the right reasons. How the universe didn’t give a shit about my reasons.” << Great introduction to Cass's character. You know where he stands morally: he does the right things. But, he's also concerned about consequence, and about how you bring "rightness" into the world. He's concerned about maintaining equity, balance. That last bit makes you understand that Cass is humble, too. He isn't seeing himself as heroic, or as a martyr because of his choices, either {Reactions} 🔥 (2) ❤️ (2) 👏 [8/30/2026 7:13 PM] snowpuppie "A web of six-inch surgical scars above his wrist makes it look like he tried to open himself in a bathtub." << So precisely descriptive, but also quite an accurate editorial comment on Antonio's state of mind. {Reactions} 💯 (3) 🔥 (2) ❤️ (3) [8/30/2026 7:13 PM] snowpuppie "To his credit, Antonio shuts his mouth for nearly a full minute before he begins again." << Awesome characterization for BOTH characters: Cass's accounting of what he values, and Antonio for actually being deeper than the shallow vanity he walked in with. {Reactions} 🔥 (3) ❤️ (3) 😆 [8/30/2026 7:13 PM] snowpuppie Favorite scene: Antonio telling Cass about his grandfather. This is the why of Antonio's desire for his hand back. I mean, prior to this point we think he's a vain guy and it's the wealth and adoration he's missing mostly. "I want to be remembered for having lived. Not for having died." That line changed it for me. I found a pang of empathy surface for Antonio then, despite my prior feelings for this guy. That's brilliant stuff, given how thoroughly negative I was feeling about him previously. {Reactions} 🔥 (4) ❤️ (3) 💯 (3) [8/30/2026 7:13 PM] snowpuppie Critique: Honestly, I don't have any. (Except ... damn you for writing three immersive stories at once so it's hard for me to maintain my aggravation when you have no time to help me clean out the garage. ;)) {Reactions} 🤣 (2) 😂 (2) 💪 👆 [8/30/2026 7:13 PM] snowpuppie Question: What qualifies someone in Cassius’s mind as deserving of his service? Do they need to be on one side or the other of a little Robin Hoodish type transaction, "take from the rich (or maybe undeserving) and give to the poor/deserving"? Is it simply understanding the consequences enough? Would he ever refuse someone who understands the consequences perfectly? {Reactions} ❤️ (2) 😂 [8/30/2026 7:14 PM] snowpuppie DONE [8/30/2026 7:14 PM] josisofer CLEAN THE GARAGE DAVID! {Reactions} 😂 (2) [8/30/2026 7:14 PM] starcryst You have found me out. All of my stories are thin excuses for avoiding house chores. {Reactions} 🤣 (6) 💯 (3) [8/30/2026 7:14 PM] josisofer @Eris Index , tattoo him with one of Croak's tongue-barbs! {Reactions} 🤣 (3) ❤️ 🐸 [8/30/2026 7:14 PM] erisindex I'm not asleep this time.. {Reactions} 🤣 (2) 😆 [8/30/2026 7:14 PM] somedesertrat -# ain't that what they s'posed'ta be? {Reactions} 👍 (2) [8/30/2026 7:15 PM] erisindex WC-Favorite lines: Some of my favorite character lines below. They give SO MUCH personality. [8/30/2026 7:15 PM] erisindex It’s mid-August, and it’s hot-hot, yeah?" ← hot-hot, yeah? Like this line. {Reactions} ❤️ (3) [8/30/2026 7:15 PM] erisindex You have inherited my final tattoo. Hot damn. 👏 {Reactions} ❤️ [8/30/2026 7:15 PM] starcryst He doesn't assume he understands what motivates a person. That's why he asks them to convince him. The person who seems the worst, could convince him if their reason is strong enough. {Reactions} ❤️ (2) [8/30/2026 7:15 PM] erisindex And right now that arm ain’t worth shit ←this one is freaking fire. {Reactions} 🔥 [8/30/2026 7:16 PM] erisindex His right arm is worth forty million dollars. A year. ←Forty million? You know how good this line is? Forty-one million. {Reactions} ❤️ (2) 🔥 (2) 🤣 (2) [8/30/2026 7:16 PM] erisindex Favorite scenes: “Tonio the Red”. He’s baseball royalty. But he’s sitting in my throne. And right now that arm ain’t worth shit. A web of six-inch surgical scars above his wrist makes it look like he tried to open himself in a bathtub. And his hand, which used to release unhittable 103-mile-per-hour heaters, is now a shriveled claw. You know why I love this scene? Because I love this guy’s attitude. It's an absolutely perfect way to make readers love the character in a strong first chapter. {Reactions} ❤️ (3) 👍 🔥 (2) [8/30/2026 7:16 PM] erisindex My grandfather...el viejo...he died right after my rookie season. He was un hombre de pelo en pecho, you know a man you wanted at your back when shit got real.” His eyes have closed and Antonio no longer seems to be speaking to me. He’s telling this story to himself. The needle buzzes beneath his voice. “He used to tell me stories about fighting the military in the streets of Santo Domingo during the Civil War. And he kept our family safe and together during el huracán David. He built shelters for our family and neighbors with his bare hands using twigs and shit.” My second favorite scene brings the other character and the main character to life. Honestly, the entire article is my favorite scene. This has got to be a movie, or a series, because the number of adoring, obsessive fans would be phenomenal. The setup of him getting the tattoo, the gun buzzing. I love tattoos, and have a good few of them. This was exceptional, and made me feel like I was back in the chair, lol. {Reactions} 🔥 (2) 💪 (2) [8/30/2026 7:16 PM] erisindex Criticism: My only complaint is the length… It’s too short. Kidding, perfect length. At least they are getting published fast enough that you have more to read. [8/30/2026 7:17 PM] erisindex Overall… It’s outrageously good. The premise is sellable, and the characters are amazing. They feel like real-life people, and the scenes, plot, magic? The price of the magic is real, and every stupid workbook and podcast I listen to and read goes on and on about these things, and here David is executing it all like a pro. He doesn’t even need a workbook 👏This one is hot-hot, yeah? Worth forty-two million, my friends. {Reactions} 🤣 (2) ❤️ 💗 💜 ❤️‍🔥 (2) 💖 [8/30/2026 7:17 PM] josisofer This is primetime 30 minutes of drama TV, network quality due to the lack of vulgarity honestly {Reactions} 🔥 [8/30/2026 7:17 PM] erisindex Question: Hmmm. Is chapter six already out? I can’t ask anything else without risking spoilers to the new readers. [8/30/2026 7:17 PM] erisindex DONE [8/30/2026 7:18 PM] josisofer @BriancFahey , you've showed up to judge David, good for you. Go! [8/30/2026 7:18 PM] starcryst Six is in process 🙂 {Reactions} ❤️ [8/30/2026 7:18 PM] briancfahey I’ve got some favorite key phrases I wanted to point out: Loved: “Broke rules for the right reasons”… “How the universe didn’t give a shit”… “Looked like he opened himself up in a bathtub”… Loved the dialogue. It field real. Loved the street talk, the back alley lingo type of conversation going on. Loved the blood, the respect, the self incineration and the open story at the end. Great read. {Reactions} ❤️ (5) 🔥 (4) 💪 (2) [8/30/2026 7:18 PM] briancfahey Great read loved it. [8/30/2026 7:18 PM] briancfahey David is not allowed any where near me when I get my next tattooo {Reactions} ❤️ (3) 🤣 (3) [8/30/2026 7:18 PM] briancfahey Done [8/30/2026 7:19 PM] josisofer @VesperLRayne , you're up, get him! [8/30/2026 7:19 PM] lammbbb If those powers are real David can give me a tattoo right the hell now {Reactions} ❤️ (3) 🤣 (2) [8/30/2026 7:19 PM] starcryst Convince me you understand the cost. {Reactions} 🔥 (2) [8/30/2026 7:19 PM] vesperlrayne_04128 hiyas ! Okay, I really liked this. The magic feels understandable without you stopping to explain the whole system, which is not easy to do. I understood that Cassius isn’t simply healing Antonio—he’s moving time, health, and suffering between people, while apparently taking some of that suffering into himself. The moment his hand curls into a claw is excellent, and then learning the heart is meant for someone in the ICU gives the ending another turn. That absolutely made me want to keep reading. {Reactions} ❤️ (3) 💯 (4) orangeheart (3) [8/30/2026 7:19 PM] josisofer https://klipy.com/gifs/have-none-of-it-i-will-have-none-of-it {Embed} https://klipy.com/gifs/have-none-of-it-i-will-have-none-of-it Have None Of It I Will Have None Of It https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/external/mPESRrIq7f2NRLCO8q5GghVyGHRZ8H2aeKKs6WXrkhA/https/static.klipy.com/ii/4493325008d34b7bf8cd6813cd5c1619/90/cd/YTedHv3p28bDe8hy.webp [8/30/2026 7:20 PM] vesperlrayne_04128 I also liked that Antonio’s choice isn’t made noble or easy. He knows he’ll miss birthdays and weddings and that people may hate him for choosing baseball. But after watching his grandfather slowly disappear, he would rather die earlier than experience that decline himself. I may not agree with his choice, but I understand it, which makes him feel like a person instead of just the arrogant athlete with absurdly expensive sunglasses. {Reactions} ❤️ (4) 🔥 (4) 💯 (2) 👆 (2) [8/30/2026 7:20 PM] vesperlrayne_04128 Cassius is interesting immediately too. “The glow I fucking hate” does a lot of work. It tells me that whatever this power looks like from the outside, he doesn’t see it as beautiful or miraculous. The opening about inheriting his suffering and final tattoo also makes me curious about who he is speaking to and what eventually happens to him. {Reactions} ❤️ (3) 💯 (2) 🫡 [8/30/2026 7:21 PM] vesperlrayne_04128 There were only a couple of places where I stumbled. The beginning is intriguing, but also fairly abstract—everything he is, all his suffering, thousands of people, the final tattoo. I don’t understand those things yet, so the story really catches fire for me once Antonio is sitting in Cassius’s chair. I wonder if that opening could be tightened slightly so we reach the scene faster while keeping the inheritance frame. {Reactions} ❤️ (3) 💯 (2) 🙌 [8/30/2026 7:21 PM] starcryst {Attachments} https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/1541080178971906098/1543762706731901058/image.png?ex=6ab8fc4f&is=6ab7aacf&hm=33c545a37bed6af131c94d618a39e2b68de1fe38065a687a37700e417ecf22bf& {Reactions} 👀 (6) 🕶️ (3) [8/30/2026 7:21 PM] vesperlrayne_04128 I also wasn’t completely clear on the two tattoos at first. Cassius says one takes years from Antonio and another restores his hand, but then the heart disappears and the lightning replaces it. I eventually understood, but had to stop and reconstruct the rules. One small clarifying line might make that transformation hit even harder.-- or not, bc honestly this is more a feeling as a reader.. so take that with a grain of salkt The “every one of those churches believes I should be in hell” line felt broader than the rest of the writing. Montgomery’s churches could absolutely make Cassius feel condemned, but every one sounds more general than personal. A sharper version might tell us more about what actually happened to him there. {Reactions} ❤️ (4) 💪 (4) 🖊️ [8/30/2026 7:22 PM] vesperlrayne_04128 I was gonna say that the sunglasses were super pricey, but I did not look it up, so thank you for doing that.. [8/30/2026 7:23 PM] starcryst I didn't go for the REALLY expensive sunglasses... {Reactions} 🔥 ❤️ 🤣 😅 [8/30/2026 7:23 PM] vesperlrayne_04128 and lastly- The central idea is very strong. Cassius finishes a terrible bargain, carries the man’s ruined hand away in his own body, and walks into the Alabama sun holding a heart meant for someone who is dying. That is one hell of an ending. I've read the next couple and I am very much enjoying these.. DONE {Reactions} ❤️ (5) 🫶 (2) [8/30/2026 7:24 PM] starcryst {Attachments} https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/1541080178971906098/1543763263668617286/image.png?ex=6ab8fcd3&is=6ab7ab53&hm=7c3e8daea1595618c43d54dd8864bf3fd42400c025f7af3566f01ca2c6c3b0ca& {Reactions} 🔥 (2) ❤️ 🤣 (2) 😜 (2) 👁️ [8/30/2026 7:24 PM] josisofer @Randy M , you're up, just scribble permanent ink on him {Reactions} 👍 (2) [8/30/2026 7:24 PM] _randym I liked it more than I thought I would! (No diss, just seemed by the images to appeal to a specific subculture I know nothing about) Favorite lines: > “You’re a man who knows that things have a price. Valuable things demand le prix fort.” > > “Yeah, I feel ya. You fix my arm, I’ll gift wrap ‘em for you.” Antonio smiles, but there’s no heat behind it. > > “I don’t want your shades, Tonio.” Tonio's an interesting dude, but quick on the uptake maybe not 😆 (And of course, at the end) > walks out into the Alabama sun without his shades. More seriously, the story about the grandpa hit well. Very believable {Reactions} ❤️ (4) 🔥 (2) 💯 (2) [8/30/2026 7:24 PM] _randym Not-really a Critique: I mean, I write a lot of dialogue heavy scenes too, but not much really happens here and maybe that's a problem for some? But works as it for me. {Reactions} ❤️ (3) 👍 (4) [8/30/2026 7:25 PM] _randym Thanks, glad I gave it a read after all DONE {Reactions} ❤️ (4) 🤘 (2) [8/30/2026 7:25 PM] josisofer @Lunetois , tattoo some sheep on him {Reactions} 🤣 [8/30/2026 7:26 PM] josisofer That means come out and critique him [8/30/2026 7:26 PM] lammbbb I not only understand the cost; I've already decided who will pay it. {Reactions} 🔥 (2) ❤️ 🤣 [8/30/2026 7:26 PM] lammbbb > He rips his sunglasses off with his healthy hand, tossing 160 Gs across the room to bounce off the far wall. {Reactions} 🔥 (3) ❤️ (2) [8/30/2026 7:26 PM] lammbbb (at this point the CSI theme should play) {Reactions} 👍 🤣 (3) [8/30/2026 7:27 PM] lammbbb Pretty quick and easy little starter episode. I did not hate it at all. Feels somewhere between a comic book and a television series. Kind of has the style of Clyde Phillips shows (or at least the into narration hard cutting to prose) like *Get Real* and *Dexter*. I like television as a way of visualizing this because you often hide things even though the story is in the first person. Cass knows what's in his hands, he doesn't have to hide it from us-- but he's a camera, too, so he does. The powers are pretty cool. Having read ahead and knowing how other forms of it work, I find them inspiring. It's fun to imagine how powers could be subverted or used differently. Chapter 5 fans will understand what I mean when I say: "Sever love from will." What sorts of things can happen with these kinds of powers is limited only to the imagination of the user. {Reactions} ❤️ (2) 🔥 (3) 👆 💯 (3) ❤️‍🔥 (2) ☝️ [8/30/2026 7:27 PM] lammbbb My criticism is that it's maybe too simple. It's chocolate. It's potato chips. The descriptions are just-enough and people other than me have talked about it being thin. I will say, having spent about eleven years living in Montgomery, Alabama when I was younger: it really is fucking hot, at least. But selling the Gump to an outsider means you gotta talk about the fact that there's a jungle growing inside the city, or that Baptist East is for white people and Baptist South is for black people and even though nobody would dare enforce that cruel rule everybody knows it. The ugly unsettling weird duality of a city being both the birthplace of civil rights and the cradle of the confederacy seeps in that town. There's a lot of description and scene setting that comes off thin to me. The moral complexity does, too. It's a cool little thought exercise but developed differently it could be a gothic tale of addiction and sacrifice. Maybe it could be by the end but going with it as it has been a lot of the more complex questions seem to be left up to the reader-- the reader who is based on the framing device either the son, daughter, or some other heritor of Cass's power. {Reactions} ❤️ (4) ❤️‍🔥 (6) 🤔 [8/30/2026 7:27 PM] lammbbb I have no questions tonight. That's all for me. [8/30/2026 7:28 PM] josisofer @Kostia Dmytriiev , you've shown up your for rare appearance, glad to have you, go! [8/30/2026 7:28 PM] yamamoto6008 **Favorite line: **“I want to be remembered for having lived. Not for having died.” **Favorite scene:** Antonio that needs to convince Casio to do it and the grandfather story. **Criticism: **I believe you may add a nod towards the narrator from the start, something about the cost of making the tattoo. (I’ve continued reading and narrator coming back at the start is a feature, so it is fine). Story about grandfather may have some lines cut as they just repeat what the narration have already established. “It sounds like you respected him.” “Yeah. He earned that every day of his life until...” **Question: **does the cost transfer to the inheritor as well, or only the power? {Reactions} ❤️ (5) 🔥 (3) ❤️‍🔥 (2) [8/30/2026 7:28 PM] yamamoto6008 Done [8/30/2026 7:29 PM] josisofer Thank you @Kostia Dmytriiev [8/30/2026 7:29 PM] josisofer @LutherinTaralom , you've been so patient, please go [8/30/2026 7:29 PM] starcryst You'll see a better explanation of this in the intro for #6 - but you can think of his power like Cut and Paste (never copy or delete). And Cass is the save buffer. Whatever he gets bad or good he has to deal with while he holds it. {Reactions} ❤️ (4) [8/30/2026 7:30 PM] lutherintaralomya its not a typical critic I guess but just how it made me feel so hope that still conts A lot of feelings can't possibly be named. It makes me reflect on my own life. How we let things slip by us and are in a hurry to get nowhere, but then we want just those last few minutes to years left for what? To dwell on the things we can't change? To dwell on what we should have done. To wish for those last 5 years we might not get because who knows what tomorrow will give us. This hit emotionally in a way I was not expecting it to. {Reactions} ❤️ (6) 💯 (8) 🔥 (4) 🙌 (3) 🤌 (3) [8/30/2026 7:30 PM] erisindex Badass way to explain it 👏 {Reactions} ❤️ (6) 💯 🙌 [8/30/2026 7:31 PM] lutherintaralomya I also love how a story makes me visualize and see everything goes on I read visualy as well as write visually so I love when a story can make me live in the world. Also the ending really had me wondering where he was going next {Reactions} ❤️ (7) [8/30/2026 7:31 PM] lutherintaralomya Thats it for me no Questions [8/30/2026 7:31 PM] josisofer Thank you @LutherinTaralom ! {Reactions} ❤️ [8/30/2026 7:31 PM] lutherintaralomya your welcome 😄 [8/30/2026 7:31 PM] starcryst I want to pick your brain on getting more of the real Montomery stuff into the story. I'll have my people call your people... [8/30/2026 7:32 PM] lammbbb I'll try not to screen them {Reactions} 🤣 [8/30/2026 7:32 PM] josisofer @Chet_Sandberg , professional editor and tattooer to the ego, dig deep, you have to get to the bottom layer to leave a mark {Reactions} 💯 [8/30/2026 7:32 PM] chet_sandberg Gyatt-Damn. No one told me there were professionals in this group. I’mma have to wear a tie or some shit. Loved this. {Reactions} 🤣 (4) ❤️ (4) 💯 (2) ❤️‍🔥 [8/30/2026 7:32 PM] chet_sandberg Quotes that stood out: “You need to get intimate with the mistakes I made, and how I broke all the wrong rules for the right reasons. How the universe didn’t give a shit about my reasons. {Reactions} 🔥 (2) ❤️ [8/30/2026 7:33 PM] chet_sandberg You could sharpen the dialogue (but you don’t have to. I don’t think anyone who’s not a writer will notice). This is a preference thing, not triage. {Reactions} 👍 (2) [8/30/2026 7:33 PM] chet_sandberg Cut “even.” You don’t need it, and it doesn’t strengthen anything. Cut “just.” {Reactions} ❤️ 🔥 (2) [8/30/2026 7:35 PM] chet_sandberg Editorial style change suggestions (just one section, because these are supposed to be short, but it’ll give you an idea what I’m looking for). “Two tattoos. ~~One I take that ~~ I get one, pulls beats from your heart. ~~and o~~One I give, that puts the spark back in your hand. You pitch like a god again” [Tonio’s smile is wide and bright, like stadium lights. (I want to see the reaction, not just hear about it.)] “For a time. Then your heart ~~will~~ fail[s], years before it should.” He doesn’t ~~even~~ blink. “Do it.” [I shake my head, a tight back and forth.] (or similar action) “Not yet. ~~You have to c~~Convince me.” “Convince you? Fuck man, you ain’t just a devil. You’re him~~ the beast himself~~.” (some lacking reality here. People cut corners with dialogue, and this felt a bit of a gilded lily in his mouth.) {Reactions} 🔥 ❤️ [8/30/2026 7:35 PM] starcryst Nice edits -- thanks [8/30/2026 7:36 PM] chet_sandberg Another: (You are the lord of your world. “Seems” is an equivocation—an admission of doubt I don’t think he has.) His eyes have closed and Antonio [is]no longer ~~seems to be~~ speaking to me. He’s telling this story to himself. {Reactions} 🔥 (2) ❤️ [8/30/2026 7:36 PM] chet_sandberg Beautiful story. Belongs in print. The drink should have butterfly tea gin—the inky transformation. It’s more appropriate than the milky louche of absinthe, and it’s got the flair the story deserves. When he justifies himself at the beginning, you don’t yet know whether he deserves the grace he’s giving himself until the alchemy of the story is finished. This is all just sharpening stuff, and you can agree with it or not. Were I prepping your for contest, I’d want this story to have every possible reason to reject it in favor of another author’s work ripped off it—you don’t know who you’re competing with. {Reactions} 🤣 (4) ❤️ (4) [8/30/2026 7:36 PM] chet_sandberg DONE [8/30/2026 7:36 PM] josisofer Okay, is there anyone else that wants a turn? [8/30/2026 7:36 PM] chet_sandberg *NOT to reject it, I meant. [8/30/2026 7:36 PM] starcryst Thanks @Chet_Sandberg -- it IS going into a contest. J-Novel {Reactions} ❤️ (3) 🔥 [8/30/2026 7:37 PM] thegalacticwriter Man, @Chet_Sandberg I hope you show up tomorrow night to help edit mine!! {Reactions} ❤️ (4) [8/30/2026 7:37 PM] lutherintaralomya yes I can't wait to see @Chet_Sandberg have a go at mine nice editing {Reactions} ❤️ [8/30/2026 7:37 PM] josisofer @David T Etheredge - Inference I know you got hung up on group count earlier, but let's take a moment to recognize tonight's contribution count, 15 after I go {Reactions} ❤️ (5) [8/30/2026 7:37 PM] josisofer 15 David, that's huge, we have a lot of lurkers here {Reactions} ❤️ (6) [8/30/2026 7:38 PM] josisofer And if no one else is going, it's my turn [8/30/2026 7:38 PM] josisofer Favorite Lines: “Antonio, how many years?” “Five. I want five more years bringing the real heat. Five more years in the sun.” AND I head to the door. I have to get to the ICU at Baptist Medical. There is someone waiting for me, and her heart is running out of time. Good twisty end. We have ourselves a serious anti-hero. But these are the lines who tell us who these characters are and what’s important to them. You did that fast, good job. {Reactions} ❤️ (9) 💯 (8) [8/30/2026 7:38 PM] josisofer Criticism: “Sitting in my parlor is Antonio Rojas.” This is your entire setting description. You’re relying on our bias of what a tattoo parlor looks like in this case. This is a normal struggle, I forget to do this too. {Reactions} ❤️ (5) [8/30/2026 7:38 PM] josisofer But there’s a difference between a rented seat in a shitty parlor during off-hours, or an empty upscale one where people steer clear changes how your hero operates. One to two sentences won’t add much word count, but can build character and world immensely. {Reactions} ❤️ (5) 👍 (3) [8/30/2026 7:39 PM] josisofer Also, you buried the lede. You could have added a sense of urgency from the jump and given us your character’s immediate goal of wanting more heartbeats. The twist isn’t that he wants them, it’s why. So clue us in from the beginning. There’s no reason to hide his goal until the middle, which is what you’re doing. {Reactions} ❤️ (5) [8/30/2026 7:39 PM] josisofer Ex) Beginning: I need more time, and Tonio, a star athlete, is just the man to give it to me. (Excuse me what?!) Mid: Your setup about 5 years of heartbeats for each year of pitching. Now he’s diabolical. Twist: The heartbeats aren’t even for him?! [8/30/2026 7:39 PM] starcryst Nice. {Reactions} ❤️ (2) [8/30/2026 7:39 PM] josisofer Positive Critique: This is Urban Fantasy done well with word efficiency. Good teaser to dip us into the water of what you’re doing. You build internal consistency with world rules we can understand without anyone stopping to do an info dump. It reads as part of dialogue without interrupting the story, worldbuilding + plot meshed together well. By the end we’re on Cassius’ side. {Reactions} 🔥 (10) 💯 (6) 🙌 (4) [8/30/2026 7:40 PM] josisofer Question: Is this story designed for J-Novel? [8/30/2026 7:41 PM] chet_sandberg Bonus points for spelling "lede" correctly! {Reactions} 🤣 (5) 🙌 [8/30/2026 7:41 PM] josisofer @Chet_Sandberg thanks [8/30/2026 7:41 PM] starcryst This story is designed for Netflix Prestige Drama. J-Novel is just one path to get there. It's a longshot to get there (like it is for all of us) but that's what I'm writing for. {Reactions} ❤️ (6) 😮 (2) 🔥 (4) 👍 (2) [8/30/2026 7:41 PM] chet_sandberg Hell yes! [8/30/2026 7:42 PM] chet_sandberg Santa Gets a Series a novel [8/30/2026 7:42 PM] josisofer I did go to college. At least, I drove by one once... {Reactions} 🤣 (5) 😂 (2) [8/30/2026 7:42 PM] josisofer Now I have this stupid degree under my bed with my name on it [8/30/2026 7:42 PM] lutherintaralomya that is pretty awesome hopefully it goes through [8/30/2026 7:42 PM] xenonsteem *Googles lede* {Reactions} 🤣 😮 [8/30/2026 7:42 PM] chet_sandberg Am I the only one who got a degree worth a shit? (and at such a discount, too) {Reactions} 🤣 (3) 🤔 [8/30/2026 7:43 PM] starcryst <<< Musical Theatre [8/30/2026 7:43 PM] rubygs mine is in psych [8/30/2026 7:43 PM] josisofer Mine's basically in ADHD. Probably {Reactions} 🤣 (2) 🔥 [8/30/2026 7:43 PM] thegalacticwriter Same! [8/30/2026 7:43 PM] lutherintaralomya lol I have a social degree in accounting lol [8/30/2026 7:43 PM] snowpuppie Animal Science XD [8/30/2026 7:43 PM] chet_sandberg Registered Nurse (Was in cardiothoracic stepdown, but currently hospice) [8/30/2026 7:43 PM] josisofer I mean "Interdisciplinary/Multidisciplinary Studies" {Reactions} 🤣 [8/30/2026 7:44 PM] lammbbb Performing Arts Degree reporting in {Reactions} ❤️ [8/30/2026 7:44 PM] chet_sandberg Batch or Masters? [8/30/2026 7:44 PM] yamamoto6008 I was cardiologist in Ukraine, ICU {Reactions} 🔥 (5) [8/30/2026 7:44 PM] josisofer Okay @David T Etheredge - Inference , do you want to grab a machine and tattoo us back with your final words for the night? [8/30/2026 7:44 PM] thegalacticwriter Me, too. Registered nurse—geriatric, bone marrow transplant, neuro…there are stories… {Reactions} ❤️ 💪 (2) [8/30/2026 7:44 PM] snowpuppie Well now that explains a lot. ❤️ [8/30/2026 7:44 PM] starcryst Thank you all for the VERY kind words and for the excellent editorial feedback. I intend to scrutinize it all and apply it where possible. This is exactly what I needed. {Reactions} 🔥 (5) ❤️ (4) 🎉 (2) 👀 ☺️ 💯 [8/30/2026 7:45 PM] josisofer Now as David says at the end of every session (you do it I forget because I'm always on drugs, even if they are keeping me alive) {Reactions} ❤️ (2) 🫂 (2) [8/30/2026 7:45 PM] lutherintaralomya thank you for writing a piece that really hit {Reactions} ❤️ (2) [8/30/2026 7:45 PM] rubygs B.A. I started my masters in counseling but then fibromyalgia hit and I never have felt that I have enough energy to go back and do what i originally set out to do {Reactions} ❤️ (3) 🫂 (3) [8/30/2026 7:46 PM] chet_sandberg Betwixt David and Raith, gyatt [8/30/2026 7:46 PM] josisofer I got through my first year, I have CRPS [8/30/2026 7:46 PM] chet_sandberg I mean, literarily [8/30/2026 7:46 PM] chet_sandberg I'm so glad I stumbled into this group! {Reactions} 🦾 (2) 💪 ❤️ 🍻 (2) [8/30/2026 7:47 PM] josisofer Okay, head on over to the #write-club-after-party-july-through-sept-2026 [8/30/2026 7:47 PM] rubygs Nice! [8/30/2026 7:47 PM] snowpuppie I think he's basking in the afterglow @Josi Sofer . Want me to jump in? XD [8/30/2026 7:47 PM] starcryst NOW Baby - its the #write-club-after-party-july-through-sept-2026 where I have an announcement about: {Attachments} https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/1541080178971906098/1543769099476279416/Anthology_Mixology.png?ex=6ab90243&is=6ab7b0c3&hm=595a962387c6806871af84c964902880a4c82c42d7fa4021f87d234bc4a400a4& {Reactions} ❤️ (3) [8/30/2026 7:47 PM] snowpuppie Ok there we go 🙂 [8/30/2026 7:47 PM] lammbbb Where did you go they let you focus that hard? [8/30/2026 7:48 PM] snowpuppie /taps mic ... Okay that's it for WRITE CLUB for tonight. Thank you ALL for coming and sharing your most precious resource, your TIME! Meet you in the After Party for 2d, 3d, and 4d .. goats .. or whatever .. and shameless self promo (for anyone left here lol) [8/30/2026 7:48 PM] starcryst UT Arlington [8/31/2026 1:54 AM] amanda_talavera Hello @David T Etheredge - Inference, I know I'm joining this late, but I have my comments! Absolutely loved this piece. It's so emotionally charged that it paralyzes me and forces me to reflect on what I just read. The best part is the dialogue--it's natural, progresses the story, and deepens the characters, especially Antonio. Here is my favorite quote: “But they won’t have to watch me shrivel up and become useless like my hand. Like el viejo. I want to be remembered for having lived. Not for having died.” This tells me Antonio's why. He would do anything for another chance to play ball and to show his family that he's alive and truly living, even if he literally sacrifices a portion of his life essence. My favorite scene is the ending, when Antonio is so energized and grateful for the miracle. He feels pain, the sacrifice, then the gift of the sacrifice. I don't really have any constructive criticism. I'm not sure what to critique lol. And it's amazing that you wrote this only over 1000 words. I struggle writing short stories, so I'll definitely keep reading your work to learn! Great job! {Reactions} ❤️ (2) [8/31/2026 7:33 AM] starcryst Thank you Amanda! ============================================================== Exported 231 message(s) ==============================================================